Why Are People In The Bay Area So Soft? (San Diego: buying, high school)

[Oakland City]

Originally Posted by gentoo

ay! New yawkas don't tawk wit any sowt of accent ok fruitcake? It's yous guys who can't tawk. Lol

sorry couldn't resist

lol bada boom!

[clongirl]

Originally Posted by BayDude

I would say the OP's post is more or less accurate.

- Everything closes early
- People here are less confident/secure in themselves and outgoing
- People here are over-sensitive
- Introverted/soft etc etc.

Its what alot of people have been saying for a while. Its basically an extremely unhealthy environment of political correctness. There seems to be less of an emphasis on personal responsibility and self-esteem and more of a atmosphere of multi-culturalism (belief that all cultures and lifestyles are equal and valid with no standard of the "good") and collective guilt over various things various liberal groups attempt to induce guilt and shame over. But no celebration of *real* accomplishments. Which is probably why you get stared at disdainfully when you wear business suits and look like you have somewhere to go and things to do!

I bet New York must be a really energetic fun place eh? Would like to visit a real American city for once.

What would you like us to to about it? This is my point. Whether I agree or not with all the rants..doesn't matter..it's about wasting your time on negativity and *itching to people that don't care.

I lived in Sacramento for a couple of years..it really wasn't my thing, but I didn't complain endlessly to the people from Sacramento about it. I made the best of it and ultimately moved. No biggie..

So you don't like it? Okay, so what..quit obsessing and get a life. Move if you need to get away from it. Nobody cares.

In Ireland (I lived there too) we call people like you "misery guts". They try to blame their misery on everything and everyone else. That would be you my friend. Now, go get a life. And try to make some friends..it might do you good and change your perspective. And yes, go visit NYCor some other real American city if it'll help you cheer the he++ up.

[Oakland City]

Originally Posted by clongirl

What would you like us to to about it? This is my point. Whether I agree or not with all the rants..doesn't matter..it's about wasting your time on negativity and *itching to people that don't care.

I lived in Sacramento for a couple of years..it really wasn't my thing, but I didn't complain endlessly to the people from Sacramento about it. I made the best of it and ultimately moved. No biggie..

So you don't like it? Okay, so what..quit obsessing and get a life. Move if you need to get away from it. Nobody cares.

In Ireland (I lived there too) we call people like you "misery guts". They try to blame their misery on everything and everyone else. That would be you my friend. Now, go get a life. And try to make some friends..it might do you good and change your perspective. And yes, go visit NYCor some other real American city if it'll help you cheer the he++ up.

Why waste your time with that moron, all she does is troll the board with negativity to get a rise out of people. Talk about a miserable existence.

[clongirl]

Originally Posted by Oakland City

Why waste your time with that moron, all she does is troll the board with negativity to get a rise out of people. Talk about a miserable existence.

I know ...I just can't help myself sometimes. I'm going away now!

[coyoteskye]

The east coast ... particularly the northeast and specifically NYC and its large surrounding area, Boston and much of MA, etc., (actually, all of Bos-wash -- the "corridor" from Boston all the way down to D.C.) ... has an edge, a sharpness, a quickness of speech and movement (and sharp intellect, depending), a toughness, a hardness, cynicism and sarcasm, defensiveness, etc., etc.. and if someone has been conditioned there (grew up there with that m.o.) and doesn't feel any need or desire to transform out of that agro / hyper ambitious way of being, then he/she will tend to have a difficult time in California and will have judgmental attitudes about other people being "soft".

It's a defensive posture because there is an awareness (consciously or not, usually not) of a deficiency ... that he/she doesn't know how to slow down, relax, open, "live and let live", be a bit more easy and at ease, "go with the flow", etc..
If he/she has been conditioned to be hard and constantly in a revved up and defensive posture and if he/she is used to living in a hyper stimulated environment where people are constantly running on adrenaline (which is mistaken for lots of energy) and are basically in a fight or flight mode, living in a new environment where people are more relaxed and less hyper and aggressive, can actually be very threatening.

It's a new and unknown world ... and unknown system that is radically different from the one he/she is familiar with and he/she doesn't know how to relate (sarcasm falls flat, cynical attitudes aren't welcome, etc.) ... doesn't know how to get into a new flow of things and so he/she will feel vulnerable, fearful (won't admit it of course ... isn't even conscious that it's so) and that's when anger comes up ... and venting and dissing people for being "soft".

Also, as driven and hyper as the northeast is, it's actually very conventional and though it's hugely populated and congested and impacted, it's somewhat stayed.
California (much of it), on the other hand, is very chaotic ... unstable, not as dug in and rooted in history, not as "old", not so certain and set in its ways, etc..
That chaos, combined with a more easy, "live and let live" approach to being in the world, can be very difficult for someone like the o.p..
That's just my take.

[BayAreaHillbilly]

Originally Posted by Donald342

I originally moved to SF from New York city for a job (they paid for the relocation and such) a couple months ago. And man, its been a major culture shift which is ok I suppose. But also very irritating in a number of ways to a life long east coaster like myself. Almost to the point of making normal social interaction difficult because of over-PC ness.

"Sarcasm" seems to be lost on most people here. They all look at me with blank stares when I make a sarcastic joke or comment.

Say "thats gay" your called out as a homophobe.

People give you stares of disaproval if your the type of person that looks like to have somewhere to go, commitments to make, likes to dress up for business etc. Just no sense of working to "get ahead". What gives? Do people here just prefer others to be as miserable, non-goal oriented, aim-less and broke as they are?

Overall the people in this area seem to lack alot of aspects of character and tend to be very introverted and quiet. I also see theres less of an energy here. Everything from major stores to mom and pop shops to restaurants closes early and people don't seem to care. Even nightclubs close early (WTF?).

Anyways I was just venting. Personally I think the weather is great here, but I like the east coast better in terms of the relationships, people and the overall attitude of most people. I just gel well with folks who are more honest about themselves and know how to stick up for themselves without complaining or crying. Those types are usually laughed out of New York City. Its very soft.

How can people live like this day and day out and not go crazy?

/rant

This is a valuable perspective. I grew up here so it's highly valuable to me.

A couple comments.

Firstly, I'd say the PC atmosphere was not always so overwhelming. It definitely got worse after ~ 1980. I attribute it to two things, first, the Boomers who came here for the hippie / rebel thing achieved power and control as they morphed into the Yuppies. Second, the type of transplants we got sort of shifted around the same time (more ones with soft skills, fewer engineers and finance geeks).

Secondly, I find this personally fascinating. I had very little experience with the East Coast until I finished school and started to do lots of business there. It's interesting to me how we here on the Left Coast have increasingly seemed to be a newer version of the NE "liberal" states. But there are differences. I find like you that people here are less witty, more sensitive to criticism, and generally, very dull in terms of dealing with sarcasm and "mean" joshing. The liberality of the East Coast is a liberality based on things like labor rights, anger with political corruption, and, old fashioned concern with the poor. Here it seems to take on more of a "New Age" spiritual and dare I say, even millenarian, cast. I use the word millenarian because some of the radicalism here is based on beliefs of environmental doom or belief that the Western nations are some sorts of fascist empires. That is very, very radical and dangerous stuff.

In NYC on the other hand, if you spout that sort of stuff people regard you as being a complete kook. NYCers are still good Americans, IMHO, no matter how "liberal" they may be politically. That's a key difference.

I have a theory as to why this difference exists. A goodly percentage of the people here are relos from NYC and other large Eastern metros. If you think about it, what sorts of people might want to relo here? Ones who are outcasts or misfits in those Eastern places would be among them - not all of them, but a goodly percentage. So, we've grown into a metro that includes a significant fraction of people who were outcasts and misfits in large Eastern urban areas. No offense to anyone, but to be a misfit in those sorts of liberal places, one would have to be fairly odd. There you have it.

What a fascinating topic!

[ridiculust]

Is the instigator of this post the same moron (different user name) who claimed the people in the East Bay were all lazy which is why her husband's law firm couldn't find quality help? THAT was one of my favorite posts to date.

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."

[sav858]

There is some truth to what the OP is saying and it's been said before by other east coasters about Californians. And it wasn't even that bad of a rant, some of you get way too defensive too quickly.

It's just a different culture/vibe overall, doesn't mean it's worse, just different. Californians are more laid back (aka "slow" for some people), dress more casual, are more flakey, tend not to be as upfront and blunt as New Yorkers, and are not as sarcastic. The PC thing is true as well but is more of a problem in the Bay Area than other parts of Ca in general. The ultra-PC crap I really can't stand sometimes.

But at the same time the attributes the OP likes about east coast people would annoy the hell out of a lot of Californians and west coasters in general. So it's a two way street with this stuff.

To the OP, is this your experiance primarily in SF? I feel the East Bay isn't quite as PC (excluding Berkeley of course) and more down to earth.

[rah]

There are "hard" and "soft" people everywhere. There are also PC and un-PC people everywhere...that's about all that an be said in response to this thread.

I've know LOTS of people from the Bay Area who handle un-PC humor and sarcasm extremely well, and actively engage in it all the time (i'm one of them. My sense of humor is basically the opposite of politically correct, as are plenty of other people i know/grew up with, and i'm a born and raised SF native). I actually find that sarcasm and un-PC humor is at times taken much more well here than it is in Connecticut, where some of my family lives (wouldn't a supposedly more laid-back area such as SF be MORE conducive to un-PC humor and such anyways? You know, as in we're less likely to take it seriously over here?).

At the same time though, i know this is an extremely diverse place, and there are those people who are very defensive and/or sensitive, whether rightly or unrightly so. , so i do keep an eye out when i'm making un-PC jokes or whatever, to make sure i don't inadvertently get my self into an argument with an offended person. There's a difference between being politically correct and just having a basic respect for others around you (and a basic respect for yourself, i.e. not looking like a complete tool).

[fizbin]

The folks in the SF Bay Area seem a bit different than those in the NYC area?? Stop the presses!!

Back in the 1980s I moved from the Bay Area to Nashville, TN for two years. THAT was culture shock - took a month or two to settle in. Moved back a couple of years later. It took longer to readjust, especially to everyone being in a damn hurry all the time, and the traffic.

Neither was really worth complaining about - it just is what it is: different parts of the country are different.