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Frankly, most of the things on the list might mean a call to the front desk requesting correction, but not neccessarily a complaint to the manager. If the problems weren't satisfactorily corrected, then I would probably complain.
I would alert the manager about intoxicated/impaired staff, but again, not neccessarily a complaint, unless they somehow put my life in danger.
Geez
The manager is probably as stoned as his employees, they probably buy it from him!
I have on a few occasions "complained" to the hotel manager when I travel, and it usually is about something like lack of cleanliness (I had a Boston area Marriott experience where the room obviously was not cleaned properly - simply disgusting). A stay in Chicago at the Le Meridien because of smoke - poor ventilation I had to place towels under door jam to prevent it as best as possible because they had no other rooms.
In most cases, hotel management was not the issue but rather other guests (smokers / partiers) or the lack of an employee doing their job properly (cleaning crew or deferred maintenance operations upkeep faulty A/C/ heat units etc...)
The vast majority of times I have 'complained' the hotel management provided an alternative fix that was suitable (new room in most instances).
I was once prompted to have manager call police due to partiers in an adjacent room at about 1:30am which one could tell had more occupants than the fire code allowed; some sort of college team all piled into one room for drunken games and revelry. I didn't want to confront as dealing with drunks is never a good outcome.
Depending on the type of travel the 'other guest' nuisances are less annoying. If business travel I'll be more likely to complain. If leisure travel less so. One week in Tempe, AZ years ago, I happened to have the Milwaukee Brewers minor leaguers in the complex and for most part they were entertaining. Some college age hijinks practical joking seemed to occur each night and stupid after hours pool play didn't bother me enough to complain.
Also had experience in Budapest where the noise from guests was simply unbearable for one night. When I asked the manager if they could do something about it the gentlemen working shook his head and said in broken English, "Norwegians, Norwegians, we can't get them to quiet". Funny memory -they seemed to be making a ruckus (a few floors above) whenever I was in my room. I think they were watching world cup soccer games.
Jlawrence01 touched upon another aspect which is, every once in a while you may get a hotel property that simply has been neglected (deferred maintenance etc..) by owners and the whole ambience of the place is terrible like you spun the wheel and hit the "Bankrupt" spot on Wheel of Fortune. The few times I've gotten these types was usually road trips. Franchise chains lose quality control in out lying regions in many instances. I recall one which reminded me of the Bates Motel.
As to your list the most complaint worthy would be not getting wake up call (although many hotels now have those self programmable wake up call feature on their phones) and the HVAC not working coupled with filthy bathroom (and smell) and room furnishings.
One thing I learned in my business travel days was to always check bathroom cleanliness first and check the toilet flush power from a number 'one' to insure no overestimating of toilet strength.
I hate it when windows don't open in the room. It's so claustrophobic! Other than that, the only thing I'd probably complaint about to the manager is a dead hooker under the bed.
I refuse to stay in a hotel where I can't open a window, and that describes so many 5-star hotels today!
In addition to that, I insist upon a balcony, or an outdoor aisle balcony, and I wont' stay anywhere without those features!
I smoke, but won't smoke in my room, and in so many of these nonsmoking hotels today, if do want to smoke, I must take the elevator to the lobby, go outside, and go another 40 feet away from the entrance to smoke!
For me, just unhygienic rooms, smokiness, and a tweaking maid.
And the only reason I'd complain about the maid is because speed freaks tend to steal to support their habit. Or for god knows why. Regardless, I don't want a crankster in my room.
Oh and the stoned valet, since driving intoxicated could be dangerous to others and my car
A crying baby isn't the hotel's fault - that's what babies do - and an old man in the hot tub in a G-string would only bother me if the hot tub and the man are in my room. I also might be one of the loud people coming out of the bar.
But most of the rest of the items are completely unacceptable. For the business-class rates I pay, I expect a clean, safe, comfortable hotel room with everything "working" - especially the Internet! When I travel for work, the Internet is a necessity, and I've checked out of hotels because their Internet connection didn't work.
That said, the thing not listed for me is having a room by the elevator. It is way to loud with people coming off/on, and the darn ding!
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Funny memory -they seemed to be making a ruckus (a few floors above) whenever I was in my room. I think they were watching world cup soccer games.
