How about a semi-clean joke? (date, adoption, good)

[portlandphi]

lol!!!!!!!!!!

~ escalators don't break down...they just turn into stairs~

[Litefoot]

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup,
the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,
but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember …
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?'
he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -
I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..

She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?

[CCc girl]

^^^ too cute!!!!!!!


John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..

With his last breath John said, "I do!"

[amylewis]

A young man shows up at church in ripped jeans, a dirty T-shirt, and old sneakers. The pastor collars him at the door asking, "Young man, don't you know how you should be dressed in God's house?" When the young man didn't know the pastor tells him, "I want you to go home, pray about this, and ask the Lord how you should be dressed in His house here!"

Next Sunday the young man shows up again, dressed the same. The pastor collars him again. "Didn't I tell you to ask the Lord how to dress here?"

"Yes, and I did ask him" said the young man. "And what did the Lord tell you young man?"

"He said he couldn't tell me because he'd never been here."

[Litefoot]

Just found the jokes thread under other topics:

https://www.city-data.com/forum/other...part-deux.html

I'm going to start posting my jokes there if anyone gives a hoot!!!

[portlandphi]

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

[CCc girl]

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me. What should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man.

He says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

[portlandphi]

[Litefoot]

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

[portlandphi]

LOL!
I wonder what happened to the guy with the riddle about the tall dark red thing??