How about a semi-clean joke? (2013, live, moving)

[CCc girl]

LMAO litefoot!!!!!!!!!

> Reportedly, a woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco .
> Unexpectedly, The plane was diverted to Sacramento along the
> way.
>
> The flight attendant explained that there would be a
> delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane
> would re-board in 50 minutes.
>
> Everybody got off the plane except one lady, who was blind.
>
> A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind
> because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her
> throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very
> flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name,
> said, "Kathy,we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you
> like to get off and stretch your legs?"
>
> The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy w​ould like to stretch his legs."
>
> Picture this:
>
> All the people in the gate area came to a complete
​ ​
standstill when they looked
> up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind!
> Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses !
>
> People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, b​ut they were
> trying to change airlines!
>
> True story.....
>
> Have a great day and remember.....
>
>
> THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
>
> A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED

[Osito]

I saw this at work last Christmas. What do you call people from the North Pole? North Polish. Must've been from this guy at work who is always coming up with stuff like that. I mean constantly. You can't even have a conversation with him without him coming up with stuff like that.

[CCc girl]

^^^ there's always one in the office


'
I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

[Litefoot]

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

[CCc girl]

LMAO, go litefoot, GO!!!!

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.

"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."

They were seated immediately.

[Nancy739]

This guy is in the woods when he runs into a grizzly bear. The bear is standing upright, showing his teeth and claws.

Not knowing what to do, the man prays "Lord, make this bear a Christian!"

The bear gets on his knees and says "Thank you Lord for this food I am about to eat"

[Chilkoot]

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two, but I'm not sure how they got in there.

[CCc girl]

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. A tear began to roll down the fathers' face.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

[Gunluvver2]

Originally Posted by CCc girl

LMAO litefoot!!!!!!!!!

> Reportedly, a woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco .
> Unexpectedly, The plane was diverted to Sacramento along the
> way.
>
> The flight attendant explained that there would be a
> delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane
> would re-board in 50 minutes.
>
> Everybody got off the plane except one lady, who was blind.
>
> A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind
> because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her
> throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very
> flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name,
> said, "Kathy,we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you
> like to get off and stretch your legs?"
>
> The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy w​ould like to stretch his legs."
>
> Picture this:
>
> All the people in the gate area came to a complete
​ ​
standstill when they looked
> up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind!
> Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses !
>
> People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, b​ut they were
> trying to change airlines!
>
> True story.....
>
> Have a great day and remember.....
>
>
> THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
>
> A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED

Great story.

[Litefoot]

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep.... No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'