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Boy, I really do understand you! I actually worked a bunch of that out in therapy. I'm not necessarily suggesting that you need that, but it helped me a lot. Ugh, it's depressing to think how much religion messed me up.
I've thought about going to therapy before but didn't think that I needed it and I'm sure that I do. I feel that I could work it all out by just studying but I have been struggling with this for about five years so I don't know I may do need therapy .
I'm not really sure what I'm afraid of. I don't know if I'm more afraid of the idea of what if there is a god and I'm wrong or what people will think of me. I don't feel like I could ever go back to Christianity though because of everything that I have learned and I hate the idea of being around those people. I don't know why I should care about what people think of me either, I try not to but its always in the back of my mind.
Yes, I rather though it would fall under those two headings.
(1) what if there is a god and I don't believe in it?
(2) what will people think of me?
Let's take (1) first. What if there is a god and you don't believe in it. What concerns you about that? remember that whichever god you believe in you are already not believing in about 1,000. Despite my writing style I am serious.
(2) Although many people say they don't care what people think of one, we all do. We want peoples' respect. It's an evolved instinct. It's easier for me here since there isn't the presure to do the religion thing.
The fact is that, even if you believe in a god, you don't have to be religious, or even if you don't believe in a god you can go along with the community to the extent of keeping things sweet especially for the kids.
I'm not solving problems at a stroke. I'm just suggesting that you can handle that (2) aspect pragmatically and causing less grief to yourself.
I don't know that you need therapy. You sound pretty balanced to me.
Yes, I rather though it would fall under those two headings.
(1) what if there is a god and I don't believe in it?
(2) what will people think of me?
Let's take (1) first. What if there is a god and you don't believe in it. What concerns you about that? remember that whichever god you believe in you are already not believing in about 1,000. Despite my writing style I am serious.
(2) Although many people say they don't care what people think of one, we all do. We want peoples' respect. It's an evolved instinct. It's easier for me here since there isn't the presure to do the religion thing.
The fact is that, even if you believe in a god, you don't have to be religious, or even if you don't believe in a god you can go along with the community to the extent of keeping things sweet especially for the kids.
I'm not solving problems at a stroke. I'm just suggesting that you can handle that (2) aspect pragmatically and causing less grief to yourself.
I don't know that you need therapy. You sound pretty balanced to me.
(1) Thats something I think about too. There are so many different gods to so many different religions who's to say that the god that you a worshiping is the right one. What if the real god is upset that you were worshiping another god instead of no god at all.
(2) I really feel like if I told people that I don't believe in god then I would be an outcast, outside of my family I don't know of anyone who feels the same way I do. Everyone that I went to school with goes to church or is religious, like crazy religious. There are churches around every corner, mostly baptist. The county that I live in is still a dry county meaning alcohol is illegal here. They say they keep it that way because thats what they bible says. I don't agree with how the church does does things and I'm not the type of person who can just sit back and let people lie.
I don't know I may just go along with the "don't ask, don't tell" policy and not bring it up unless asked.
(1) Thats something I think about too. There are so many different gods to so many different religions who's to say that the god that you a worshiping is the right one. What if the real god is upset that you were worshiping another god instead of no god at all.
I'm not going to say that I know anything about gods and I'm not going to assume that I know how a god would think. But I'd suggest that gods are not stupid. If so, they know, or it knows, what the situation is here and know better than we do, how easy it is to be brought up in the wrong religion. So what I say I believe with the nearest thing to Faith that I have is that no god is going to punish anyone here for what they believe or don't. With any god that is not utterly stupid, there is nothing for us to be afraid of in believing whatever we honestly (or even dishonestly) come to believe. If they are, of course then we are all equally stuffed.
I have said many times before that I don't think there is an afterlife - the evidence doesn't seem anything like as convincing as it should be to convince - but, if there is, it is as natural as birth and death and is not in the gift of any one god. We all get it or not. There is no hell waiting for disbelievers and no heaven for believers only. There's nothing to be afraid of.
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(2) I really feel like if I told people that I don't believe in god then I would be an outcast, outside of my family I don't know of anyone who feels the same way I do. Everyone that I went to school with goes to church or is religious, like crazy religious. There are churches around every corner, mostly baptist. The county that I live in is still a dry county meaning alcohol is illegal here. They say they keep it that way because thats what they bible says. I don't agree with how the church does does things and I'm not the type of person who can just sit back and let people lie.
In an ideal world we could say we don't believe and that would be respected, but it isn't an ideal world. There are ways of sanding the edges off disbelief. 'Looking around for the right church' is a good one. 'Personal worship' is another. Deism is a good religion substitute and Agnosticism sounds better than 'don't believe'.
I'm just suugesting ideas you might approach. I don't know whether you can discuss it with your lady and whether the kids are old enough to be brought into it. But it's a practical problem and such are always solveable.
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I don't know I may just go along with the "don't ask, don't tell" policy and not bring it up unless asked.
That's always good. I find 'I don't really do religion' is quite effective. Is this helping at all?
I'm not going to say that I know anything about gods and I'm not going to assume that I know how a god would think. But I'd suggest that gods are not stupid. If so, they know, or it knows, what the situation is here and know better than we do, how easy it is to be brought up in the wrong religion. So what I say I believe with the nearest thing to Faith that I have is that no god is going to punish anyone here for what they believe or don't. With any god that is not utterly stupid, there is nothing for us to be afraid of in believing whatever we honestly (or even dishonestly) come to believe. If they are, of course then we are all equally stuffed.
I have said many times before that I don't think there is an afterlife - the evidence doesn't seem anything like as convincing as it should be to convince - but, if there is, it is as natural as birth and death and is not in the gift of any one god. We all get it or not. There is no hell waiting for disbelievers and no heaven for believers only. There's nothing to be afraid of.
Thats what I think, before we were born we were in nothingness why we wouldn't we be in nothingness after we die.
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Originally Posted by AREQUIPA
In an ideal world we could say we don't believe and that would be respected, but it isn't an ideal world. There are ways of sanding the edges off disbelief. 'Looking around for the right church' is a good one. 'Personal worship' is another. Deism is a good religion substitute and Agnosticism sounds better than 'don't believe'.
I'm just suugesting ideas you might approach. I don't know whether you can discuss it with your lady and whether the kids are old enough to be brought into it.
I'm female, its ok I never specified. My husband hasn't just said that he doesn't believe at all but we have never went to church as a married couple and he doesn't believe in religion. When people ask me to church I just say thank you and if they keep asking I just say I don't know and right now that seems to end the conversation.
All this does help and just being able to talk to people who don't believe in the church has really helped.
Thats what I think, before we were born we were in nothingness why we wouldn't we be in nothingness after we die.
Exactly. I had that in mind but you are way ahead of me.
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I'm female, its ok I never specified. My husband hasn't just said that he doesn't believe at all but we have never went to church as a married couple and he doesn't believe in religion. When people ask me to church I just say thank you and if they keep asking I just say I don't know and right now that seems to end the conversation.
All this does help and just being able to talk to people who don't believe in the church has really helped.
Sorry! My gender bias is showing (pity we don't have a blushing smiley).
Keep talking it over. It keeps the atheism thread ticking.
No way in the world would I let kids as young as the ones you have attend church. There's no telling what sort of vile nonsense they'd be taught was "the truth" there. They're at the perfect age (well, maybe not the 1 year old) for indoctrination, and some people struggle all their lives with certain things because of it. I consider filling kid's heads with some of the garbage that's in the Bible a form of child abuse. If it were me, I'd let them make up their own minds on such matters when they're 18 or over.
It would be nice if you were able to be honest with people about what you really believe. Given your location, though, that would not be without consequences. If you live in a small town, the whole population would know you're an "evil non-believer" most likely. Your whole family might be the talk of the town, and I don't mean that in a good way.
The best way to deal with people asking about church is to simply tell them you aren't religious. If they give you some wild-eyed, crazy fundie look, I'd tell them you believe in a god and leave it at that. Yeah, you may have to stretch the truth a little here, but if you consider an agnostic/deist point of view, it won't be like you're telling a complete lie.
I only give that advice because you have kids. Being completely honest wouldn't be worth it; not where you live. If you were single, I'd have no problem recommending you tell them exactly what they can do with their Bibles.
Right now with my kids I'm not planning on them going to church unless they just wanted to go but I don't see that happening until they get up older in school. Right now I'm just trying to teach them as much as I can about the stuff that I believe. They love science too, mostly the planets and space and I love to teach them about it. My four year old is interested in learning about the human body and how it really works. I just love how they want to learn about things and they don't just fall in line and believe in whatever. They always ask why and I think thats great.
If your children love science, you might tell them how wrong the science in the Bible is. Asking 'why' is what has caused just about every advance humans have ever made. "Because God said so" isn't a satisfactory answer.
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I don't feel like I could ever go back to Christianity though because of everything that I have learned and I hate the idea of being around those people. I don't know why I should care about what people think of me either, I try not to but its always in the back of my mind.
