What's The Atlanta Dating Scene like? (professionals, law, title)
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(confused) Look, do whatever you want. I found my husband a month after I got here. Don't take my advice. You have it all figured out, I guess. (shrug)
It's relatively easy for most women to meet men, the hard part is finding your specific version of Mr. Right.
I am not trying to be snarky but, we all have different standards with respect to morality, values and beliefs. What works for you, may not necessarily work for others, because what we find attractive in a mate may be very different.
I think it's important to keep this in mind, while you're giving out advice.
It's relatively easy for most women to meet men, the hard part is finding your specific version of Mr. Right.
I am not trying to be snarky but, we all have different standards with respect to morality, values and beliefs. What works for you, may not necessarily work for others, because what we find attractive in a mate may be very different.
I think it's important to keep this in mind, while you're giving out advice.
My sentiments exactly. And just because a woman who is married, that doesn't mean she's perfect and has all the answers. By the same token, just because a woman is single, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with her or that she is doing everything wrong.
At the end of the day, it's all about timing. If you don't meet a man at the right time where he feels chemistry for a woman AND is in the settling down phase of life, then being the perfect woman means nothing.
I will be relocating from New York City to Atlanta.
A little information about myself:
I'm a young educated black woman, currently working in public health management for the federal government. I will be transferring to an office that's relatively close to CNN. My salary is in the mid 90k range and I'm currently single.
I've seen several tv specials regarding black women and dating in Atlanta. I'm a bit worried that I won't be able to find an educated professional straight man (who earns a comparable salary) in the Atlanta area. I'm only interested in marriage minded men.
I'm certainly open to dating non black men, but I'm not sure of the racial dynamics in Atlanta. I've heard that people pretty much self segregate. I will be residing in Midtown, since the location is close to my job.
Am I overreacting or should I not really be concerned about the dating scene?
Can we stop calling ourselves educated? Other races never call themselves that because it is assumed they are educated. That is like if I called myself an unfunky black male. I dont call myself that because people assume that I shower daily
Last edited by tonygeorgia; 03-30-2013 at 05:26 PM..
I don't see anything below that indicates any snarkiness. I don't assume negativity in the statements of others as I am a very positive person. You speak the truth. We all have different standards with respect to morality, values and beliefs and what works for one person does not work for another.
My point in giving you my opinion is to give you another viewpoint that perhaps you had not considered. I learn things from hearing viewpoints that differ from mine all the time. Sometimes, I have found that I should broaden my way of thinking. Sometimes, I continue with my line of thinking. I offer my point of view as just food for thought. You are free to do with it as you will. You want to get married and I just thought I'd offer you my two cents. If you don't want it, no problem either way. I had to open my mind in different ways to see what was really perfect for me and sometimes that's what has to be done because even once you get married to Mr. Perfect for You, there will still be compromises and challenges. For example, Mr. Perfect for you could start out not drinking and smoking and start social drinking five years into the marriage. Anything can happen. Compromise and flexibility in thought generally go a long way towards staying married (and getting married).
As I said, these are just my opinions. Everyone has them. I hope you are not angry with me for giving you my opinion. I've had success in the marriage area and wanted to share my thoughts. Sometimes single women spend all their time commiserating with single women instead of talking to married women. I am not saying this is you but I am saying I'm a married woman and just wanted to offer my viewpoint. I have many AA friends that have not had problems finding husbands in Atlanta, Chicago, LA, etc.
On the flip side, I was single and I heard all of the complaints from certain girlfriends. These beliefs/statements that there are no available men, to me, is what is keeping them single. They do not have a spirit of success and confidence that they will be successful in this arena. They are still single.
Now, the one belief/statement that I happen to believe has merit is when women say you have to meet a man when he is ready to settle down. I believe that to be true. I believe that nothing can make a man settle down if his goal is not to settle but, rather, to achieve in school/work, etc. But, the problem that I see is that it does not seem that women are asking men what they want and leaving the situation if the man is not saying/showing that he is ready for marriage. Instead, some women try to convince the man that she is the one for him, and meanwhile, he is just not ready/interested in marriage. Then, after all of her hard work, she looks up and a year later, he is married. He wasn't there and she wasted her time. I see alot of women wasting their time with men that are not ready for what they are looking for. When they are ready and they know what they want, it doesn't take them a long time.
Just ignore all of this if you like. No problem and have a great evening.
LS
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary20852
It's relatively easy for most women to meet men, the hard part is finding your specific version of Mr. Right.
I am not trying to be snarky but, we all have different standards with respect to morality, values and beliefs. What works for you, may not necessarily work for others, because what we find attractive in a mate may be very different.
I think it's important to keep this in mind, while you're giving out advice.
Last edited by LovelySummer; 03-30-2013 at 07:53 PM..
Women complaining about finding good men in a metro of 5 million + people are going to have trouble anywhere. It's not your location and women everywhere even in NYC have the same complaints.
Can we stop calling ourselves educated? Other races never call themselves that because it is assumed they are educated. That is like if I called myself an unfunky black male. I dont call myself that because people assume that I shower daily
I kinda agree with you on this Tony, but I see where Mary is coming from. Right away when you are a single woman, people assume you have unrealistic standards. Mary feels that she wants someone who is an educated professional like she is. Why should she date the who only finished high school? The flip side is, just because someone didn't finish college that doesn't me that they are unintelligent or uncultured.
I've seen instances among my AA female friends where were educated professionals in relationships with or married to black men who are not. It led to nothing but problems and all of those marriages ended in divorce. Every single one of them. Also some men resent it when a woman makes more than them. I've seen these cases also turn into domestic violence. So Mary has a legitimate concerns.
Only 25% of the adult American population has a college degree. I don't know what that percentage is in the AA community, but I do know that black women make up 60% of all black college graduates, making it harder for educated black women to find men they have things in common with.
The only issue I have with being educated getting thrown around by some people is that idea that being educated makes one more entitled to a relationship or being educated automatically makes a person relationship material and a good catch.
I don't see anything below that indicates any snarkiness. I don't assume negativity in the statements of others as I am a very positive person. You speak the truth. We all have different standards with respect to morality, values and beliefs and what works for one person does not work for another.
My point in giving you my opinion is to give you another viewpoint that perhaps you had not considered. I learn things from hearing viewpoints that differ from mine all the time. Sometimes, I have found that I should broaden my way of thinking. Sometimes, I continue with my line of thinking. I offer my point of view as just food for thought. You are free to do with it as you will. You want to get married and I just thought I'd offer you my two cents. If you don't want it, no problem either way. I had to open my mind in different ways to see what was really perfect for me and sometimes that's what has to be done because even once you get married to Mr. Perfect for You, there will still be compromises and challenges. For example, Mr. Perfect for you could start out not drinking and smoking and start social drinking five years into the marriage. Anything can happen. Compromise and flexibility in thought generally go a long way towards staying married (and getting married).
Great point, but then question becomes how much flexibility one must have in order to find a mate. When is being flexible not settling? That depends on the individual, of course. I have a friend who is college educated. Last year because she'd be single and never married all her adult life, after not being able to find her Mr. Perfect, she decided to date a guy who not only wasn't educated, he had a criminal history. Everything was all candy hearts and flowers in the beginning and she was declaring how much he loves and adores her. A year later she's calling me crying, telling me how violent he is, that he's abusing her and coming to her apartment breaking out her windows.
So how much compromise does there need to be? What is the threshold? I used to know a woman who would encourage single black women to marry black men coming out of jail, saying that these men need wives too. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelySummer
As I said, these are just my opinions. Everyone has them. I hope you are not angry with me for giving you my opinion. I've had success in the marriage area and wanted to share my thoughts. Sometimes single women spend all their time commiserating with single women instead of talking to married women. I am not saying this is you but I am saying I'm a married woman and just wanted to offer my viewpoint. I have many AA friends that have not had problems finding husbands in Atlanta, Chicago, LA, etc.
Again, what works for some doesn't always works for others. Just because you and your friends had no problems that doesn't mean it's easy for other women or that these other women who don't have mates lack confidence, are too picky, etc. Women are told to compromise but it's very rare for men to settle on what they want and men aren't given the same advice. Men go for what they want, while women are told to be more flexible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelySummer
On the flip side, I was single and I heard all of the complaints from certain girlfriends. These beliefs/statements that there are no available men, to me, is what is keeping them single. They do not have a spirit of success and confidence that they will be successful in this arena. They are still single.
Also another great point. The Law of Attraction is very real.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelySummer
Now, the one belief/statement that I happen to believe has merit is when women say you have to meet a man when he is ready to settle down. I believe that to be true. I believe that nothing can make a man settle down if his goal is not to settle but, rather, to achieve in school/work, etc.
Very true!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelySummer
But, the problem that I see is that it does not seem that women are asking men what they want and leaving the situation if the man is not saying/showing that he is ready for marriage. Instead, some women try to convince the man that she is the one for him, and meanwhile, he is just not ready/interested in marriage. Then, after all of her hard work, she looks up and a year later, he is married. He wasn't there and she wasted her time. I see alot of women wasting their time with men that are not ready for what they are looking for. When they are ready and they know what they want, it doesn't take them a long time.
Just ignore all of this if you like. No problem and have a great evening.
LS
Women think they can change a man. If you are ready for a relationship and the man you are with isn't, get rid of him ASAP! It's a waste of time. Time is of the essence and I've seen many women give years of their lives to men who won't marry them, and these men end up marrying someone else. Women have to be smart about this. The minute a man says he's not ready for a commitment, walk away.
Like I said. I have no problem at all meeting or attracting men. I keep meeting men who aren't interested in commitment and I don't bother with these men. It leads to a lot of datelessness for me because men these days come out the gate about how they don't want anything serious, which is fine for me because that avoids wasted time. But then when I hear this, I don't walk away, I run!
It's also difficult for me because I am old-fashioned and I make it known that I believe that dating should be for the purpose of marriage. Men don't want to hear that. They often say well you just have to get to know a person blah, blah, blah but that's BS! Men know when they first meet a woman whether or not she's a woman he wants to take seriously and know within six months if he's going to marry her. I know how men think and I don't want my time wasted so I am by myself as a result.
I just haven't had the opportunity to meet the guy who is interested in me AND ready to commit.
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