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My husband and I had another unpleasant Sunday with her. Church with her sitting all up in my personal space, with her very weird smell. Then lunch where we watched her act strangely at the Chinese buffet, and then disappear into the bathroom for what seemed like 15 minutes (I refused to go back in there looking for her), and then we did a little shopping, and she kept adding things to our check out line, completely unaware that I was having the cashier ring up all her strange little buys separately (paid for it with her debit card). She thought we were paying for it all and kept coming back and sliding something else in there.
Meanwhile, she insulted my intelligence several times - one time actually saying something that made no sense and when I said, "Oh, sorry - I don't get it," she said, "I know - it went right over your head." (Afterwards, my husband said, "What the hell was she talking about?" Who knows.)
Anyway, she was her usual unpleasant, snarky self. Afterwards, my husband and I talked about it and I said, "You see that our visits are filled with long, uncomfortable silences. That's because I don't know what to say to her. Anything I say is wrong, or threatens her some sort of way, or is something she feels she can ridicule. Meanwhile, she's wandering around with 3 inch long chin hairs, smelling like a troll, but I'm supposed to just put up with her snide comments without pointing out the painfully obvious."
It's very, very stressful.
Hence the limit to twice a week at this point - one for appointments (she always has some sort of appointment) and one for church. That should do it.
She is going to have to make her own life.
Can she not see the chin hairs? I saw an elderly woman in the grocery store who honestly look like she a beard on her chin, it too was 3 inches long.
People with dementia do not look at mirrors. I read that, and it seemed to be true for my mom, who also let chin hairs grow long.
People with dementia also do not look into drawers or closets. They only see things that are laying out in full view, which is a reason they often need help getting dressed.
People with dementia do not look at mirrors. I read that, and it seemed to be true for my mom, who also let chin hairs grow long.
People with dementia also do not look into drawers or closets. They only see things that are laying out in full view, which is a reason they often need help getting dressed.
Well, my mom spends hours staring in the mirror, changing clothes, putting on makeup, etc.
But I agree that the reason why everything is so cluttered is because if she puts something in a drawer it's like the house ate it or something - she'll never find it again.
Well, my mom spends hours staring in the mirror, changing clothes, putting on makeup, etc.
But I agree that the reason why everything is so cluttered is because if she puts something in a drawer it's like the house ate it or something - she'll never find it again.
That's how hoarders think. Everything must be visible.
Is your mother's eyesight not good? I just can't figure out why she can't see the chin hairs and hoping that never happens to me!
That's how hoarders think. Everything must be visible.
Is your mother's eyesight not good? I just can't figure out why she can't see the chin hairs and hoping that never happens to me!
Her eyesight is terrible due to a stroke ten years ago which impacted her optic nerve, giving her distorted vision (and a problem with colors). However, until about a year ago she stayed on top of the chin hair thing via feeling them and using a magnifying mirror and tweezers. So I think there's something else going on.
I talked with my brother for a long time last night because he called Mom and she was very short and unpleasant with him as well. I told him that I think that Mom is grieving about my dad but that her grief is coming out as hostility and anger - that would be her style.
KA, I think if you leave her to cope in her facility, she will eventually cope.
If you reduce your visits she might actually be glad to see you when you come. Or, conversely she might become so dependent on new friends in the residence, she might not.
You've done the best you can. She is being taken care of and she is getting her daily meds. So, she is safe and secure. The rest is up to her. She might never change much, or she might change. You never know.
Her eyesight is terrible due to a stroke ten years ago which impacted her optic nerve, giving her distorted vision (and a problem with colors). However, until about a year ago she stayed on top of the chin hair thing via feeling them and using a magnifying mirror and tweezers. So I think there's something else going on.
I talked with my brother for a long time last night because he called Mom and she was very short and unpleasant with him as well. I told him that I think that Mom is grieving about my dad but that her grief is coming out as hostility and anger - that would be her style.
Her eyesight is terrible due to a stroke ten years ago which impacted her optic nerve, giving her distorted vision (and a problem with colors). However, until about a year ago she stayed on top of the chin hair thing via feeling them and using a magnifying mirror and tweezers. So I think there's something else going on.
Get her an electric razor so she can shave the chin hairs off. Then she won't have to try to see each one to pluck.
Get her an electric razor so she can shave the chin hairs off. Then she won't have to try to see each one to pluck.
Hell, she's so defensive and paranoid I'm scared to even tell her that she HAS chin hairs.
Honestly, I don't see how she can not know it.
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