Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
After church and lunch Sunday, I asked my mom if she wanted or needed anything and she said she wanted some donut holes. So off we went to the donut shop.
I said, "How many do you want?" and she said, "Oh about fifteen." OK. So I ordered two dozen. The total cost was $2.50 and I had the cash so I just paid for them. When the clerk handed the bags to me my mom said, "That doesn't seem like enough - shouldn't you have gotten more?" I said, "Mom, you wanted fifteen - I got you twenty four."
Before I handed them to her, I said, "Yum, I better test these out," and popped one in my mouth.
My mother narrowed her eyes at me and said, "Don't eat my donut holes." Yes, she was serious - she wasn't saying this in a lighthearted manner.
Oh my gosh, she is just so gnarly. I said, "Hey, Mom, get this. I paid for them. Technically they're not even really yours. I'm just generously giving you twenty three donut holes. Instead of fifteen."
Sigh.
I was just remembering my wedding many years ago. When the photographs came to us my mother began going through them very quickly, obviously looking for something. I asked what she was looking for she said pictures of HER. Then she began whining that she wasn't in enough of MY wedding pictures! Those were her only comments.
If I had ever made the comments you make to your mother my mother wouldn't have spoken to me for weeks. VERY sensitive and prickly. But strangers loved her and she loved them.
Sigh again.
Last edited by BrassTacksGal; 01-13-2017 at 12:23 AM..
>>>Now - there may be some memory issue going on there, but at the bottom of this constant line of questioning is her basic lack of trust in the right people. Her entire life, she's mistrusted the people who she should trust and she's trusted the craziest people that she should not have ever trusted. All people have to do is call her "Miss ______" and fawn over her and she's putty in their hands.<<<
Ah yes, the "wonderful stranger". Narcissists often have people like that in their lives, the lady at the grocery store, the wonderful bank teller, the mailman, but never anyone close to them. Those in their family are never worthy or good enough.
Did your mother have a rough childhood? My mother did which I know contributes to the way she is, from her description of her father, he was bipolar, however I never saw any of that behavior from him and I spent as much time with my grandparents as I could. Strange that the people in the world that I felt the safest with, were the two people that my mother didn't.
As far as your mothers diaries, at least you can read those sweet, kind thoughts that you didn't know existed. That was why I asked if she had a rough childhood and felt like she needed to protect herself from others, even her own children.
Yes, she had a very, very rough childhood. And her mother was schizophrenic and so is one of her sisters. And one of her mother's sisters also. And my brother.
My mother has told all of us that she doesn't remember anyone ever telling her they loved her - a very unaffectionate family. However, I know that two of her sisters are very loving and affectionate and they loved their mom a lot, so who knows? I do know that her mother was a very distant, odd grandmother to me. But thankfully I had my paternal grandmother and my dad and my grandmother's side of the family -they were and are very affectionate, salt of the earth, "normal" people.
I was just remembering my wedding many years ago. When the photographs came to us my mother began going through them very quickly, obviously looking for something. I asked what she was looking for she said pictures of HER. Then she began whining that she wasn't in enough of MY wedding pictures! Those were her only comments.
If I had ever made the comments you make to your mother my mother wouldn't have spoken to me for weeks. VERY sensitive and prickly. But strangers loved her and she loved them.
Sigh again.
LOL yes our mothers both sound weird but they also sound different. I didn't push back with my mom till I was in my thirties - she ran right over me like a Sherman tank till then in many ways, though I did know from very early on, about seven years old, that something was broken in my mom - and that whatever that was was NOT broken in me. So I did a lot of avoiding her. I became a book worm and stayed in my room alot and escaped into books. I also did the typical thing of my generation - get on my bike and play outside from the minute I was able till the street lights came on.
My mom has never made friends easily. My DAD did so consequently they had a lot of friends, company, etc but they put up with her while loving my dad. I've actually had many "friends" of theirs tell me this after my dad passed away, that my mother had "had words" with them, or shunned their wives, or "had some sort of problem, not sure what" but that my dad had continued to reach out to them, to maintain the friendship, etc. I think they each thought they were an anomaly - they didn't know they were each part of a pattern.
Now that she's by herself and in a new place, she is definitely not making friends.
Ah yes, the "wonderful stranger". Narcissists often have people like that in their lives, the lady at the grocery store, the wonderful bank teller, the mailman, but never anyone close to them. Those in their family are never worthy or good enough.
She immediately turned to me and glared and said, "Well, of course I have on both shoes - brilliant observation. I guess we need to start calling you Miss Brilliant Observation."..."What's wrong with you now, Miss Haughty?"
...
I don't like it one bit.
I don't blame you. Have you ever considered telling her off and then not visiting for a week or so?
I've cut back to twice a week - she doesn't like it but that's OK. I don't like it more often.
It is so freeing to be able to say, I don't like it so I am not going to. It was nice to be able to tell my mother that even though she didn't want to go to Texas and threatened to runaway, that this was not up for consideration. She wants to act helpless and a child, then she will get treated the same way.
Kathryn, I don't know how you do it. Just READING the stuff your Mom has said gets my Irish up! I suspect she and I would clash a lot if she were my mother. Bless your soul for holding your tongue... most of the time.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
