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It's good that you don't let her run over you or you would be an emotional wreck.
Oh you are not kidding.
Let's see - it's 12 noon and I've just spent the last two hours working on my dad's tax stuff and my mom's Medicare supplement stuff. Later today we're going to go BRING HER SOME MORE DANG DONUT HOLES.
I just found out that whenever it was that my dad signed up for Medicare supplements, he opted NOT to sign up for prescription drug coverage. He could have gotten this for $17 a month, but NOOOOO....he didn't need no stinkin' prescription drugs. Now - question - has anyone every anywhere in the history of the United States known any elderly person who didn't need SOME sort of ongoing prescription meds?
So of course he and my mom eventually needed prescription drugs on a regular basis. But my dad had voluntarily and intentionally NOT signed up for coverage when he and my mom were younger but eligible. So now for the rest of my mom's life, she has to pay a penalty every month, of $41 a month. That's $500 a year. That's pretty significant to me.
At least it's my dad's fault and not mine - I thought when I got the notice that I had missed applying for something and was now going to cost my mom this extra money. Nope, it was my dad's fault. I guess there's some scant comfort in that.
After church and lunch Sunday, I asked my mom if she wanted or needed anything and she said she wanted some donut holes. So off we went to the donut shop.
I said, "How many do you want?" and she said, "Oh about fifteen." OK. So I ordered two dozen. The total cost was $2.50 and I had the cash so I just paid for them. When the clerk handed the bags to me my mom said, "That doesn't seem like enough - shouldn't you have gotten more?" I said, "Mom, you wanted fifteen - I got you twenty four."
Before I handed them to her, I said, "Yum, I better test these out," and popped one in my mouth.
My mother narrowed her eyes at me and said, "Don't eat my donut holes." Yes, she was serious - she wasn't saying this in a lighthearted manner.
Oh my gosh, she is just so gnarly. I said, "Hey, Mom, get this. I paid for them. Technically they're not even really yours. I'm just generously giving you twenty three donut holes. Instead of fifteen."
Sigh.
I dropped mine off at the doctors office today and because every time I have gone with her, she always pulls the whole "where is his office thing" I told her what floor she needed to go to and where the office was, to which she replies kinda snippy like "I know." I thought "you sure didn't know the last time we were there you old bat."
Last edited by ajzjmsmom; 01-12-2017 at 04:53 PM..
I came from a family like that, without the bipolar illness. Our family centered around keeping mom happy which was a task no one could accomplish. But our goals were to never upset mother, but she was pretty much unhappy everyday. My dad signed on to the deal of keeping her happy, but her children did not. No child should have the 'job' of keeping a parent happy.
My mother never got the whole 'boundaries' thing. Even as an adult she would follow me to the bathroom door and then talk to me through the door as I used the bathroom. Awful!
My mother was like that as far as boundries, my friends were over, there she was in the room acting like a teenager, I hated to have friends over. After I married my current husband, we lived about 21 miles from my mother, she had a habit of calling me several times a day and wanted to know everything that was going in my life and where I was going. So I went to the store one day and was gone for awhile but she didn't know I was going (pre-cell phone days)she actually called my next door neighbor and asked her to go to my house and check and see if I was home and just not answering her phone calls. I was so embarrassed that at 28 my mommy was checking up on me because I didn't tell her I was going out.
I dropped mine off at the doctors office today and because every time I have gone with her, she always pulls the whole "where is his office thing" I told her what floor she needed to go to and where the office was, to which she replies kinda snippy like "I know." I thought you sure didn't know the last time we were there you old bat.
Hahahahahahha!
Today the weather was very pleasant so when my husband and I TOOK THE DONUTS BY FOR MY MOM ALONG WITH OUR VISIT, I suggested that we all go for a little walk - the facility she's in has several very pleasant outdoor walking areas and my mom has always enjoyed walks.
She seemed happy with that so off we all went. When we got back to the apartment I looked down and realized that my mom only had on one shoe. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut but I was so surprised I said, "Oh, no, Mom, did you just have on one shoe on our walk?" As soon as I said it I realized that had to have been the case because she hadn't had time to take her shoes off.
She snipped at me immediately, "What? No - I'm just trying to fix (mumble mumble mumble)" and she immediately sat down on the sofa and grabbed up her errant shoe and began fiddling with it and then she put it on and jumped back up. I said, "There you go - both shoes on."
She immediately turned to me and glared and said, "Well, of course I have on both shoes - brilliant observation. I guess we need to start calling you Miss Brilliant Observation."
I turned to my husband and said in a neutral voice, "Well, I guess you're right - I guess we need to get going to the grocery store," and my mother STILL kept going. "What's wrong with you now, Miss Haughty?"
Oh MY GOSH - why does she have to be so consistently unpleasant???????
Well, I got up and then noticed that she had an internet bill there. The last time I tried to change the billing address to mine, they wanted to talk with her, so I said, "Mom, we just need to go to the grocery store, but before we go, let's call the internet service and get that mailing address changed so you don't have to worry about getting the bill to me." So I got on the phone and of course it involved an act of Congress and lots of hold time.
While I was on the phone with the rep, my husband turned to my mom and said, "Not sure if you realize how lucky you are to have Kathryn in your life. She was on the phone for three hours this morning with health insurance stuff, Medicare, tax and estate stuff." My mom just sat there and said nothing - just looked at him with one eyebrow raised. Her classic look.
No, I didn't give her a hug goodbye. I was so ready to get out of there.
See - my mom is having some issues but she's still got that mouth on her - and probably always will. And I'm sorry but I do NOT think she appreciates anything I do for her! When I called to let her know we were going to drop by, she said (for about the tenth time) "OK so what exactly are you coming by for? What exactly are you planning to discuss with me?" I said - for about the tenth time, "Mom, nothing in particular. We're just coming by to see you. All I'm planning on is seeing my mother." As soon as we got there, my mom said, "OK, so what in particular did you want to discuss with me again?" Now - there may be some memory issue going on there, but at the bottom of this constant line of questioning is her basic lack of trust in the right people. Her entire life, she's mistrusted the people who she should trust and she's trusted the craziest people that she should not have ever trusted. All people have to do is call her "Miss ______" and fawn over her and she's putty in their hands.
My dad always said that trying to be affectionate with her was like trying to be affectionate with a bicycle and now I really do know fully what he meant. I mean, she's never been affectionate but now she's the opposite of affectionate and simply short with a mean edge to it. I don't like it one bit.
Today the weather was very pleasant so when my husband and I TOOK THE DONUTS BY FOR MY MOM ALONG WITH OUR VISIT, I suggested that we all go for a little walk - the facility she's in has several very pleasant outdoor walking areas and my mom has always enjoyed walks.
She seemed happy with that so off we all went. When we got back to the apartment I looked down and realized that my mom only had on one shoe. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut but I was so surprised I said, "Oh, no, Mom, did you just have on one shoe on our walk?" As soon as I said it I realized that had to have been the case because she hadn't had time to take her shoes off.
She snipped at me immediately, "What? No - I'm just trying to fix (mumble mumble mumble)" and she immediately sat down on the sofa and grabbed up her errant shoe and began fiddling with it and then she put it on and jumped back up. I said, "There you go - both shoes on."
She immediately turned to me and glared and said, "Well, of course I have on both shoes - brilliant observation. I guess we need to start calling you Miss Brilliant Observation."
I turned to my husband and said in a neutral voice, "Well, I guess you're right - I guess we need to get going to the grocery store," and my mother STILL kept going. "What's wrong with you now, Miss Haughty?"
Oh MY GOSH - why does she have to be so consistently unpleasant???????
Well, I got up and then noticed that she had an internet bill there. The last time I tried to change the billing address to mine, they wanted to talk with her, so I said, "Mom, we just need to go to the grocery store, but before we go, let's call the internet service and get that mailing address changed so you don't have to worry about getting the bill to me." So I got on the phone and of course it involved an act of Congress and lots of hold time.
While I was on the phone with the rep, my husband turned to my mom and said, "Not sure if you realize how lucky you are to have Kathryn in your life. She was on the phone for three hours this morning with health insurance stuff, Medicare, tax and estate stuff." My mom just sat there and said nothing - just looked at him with one eyebrow raised. Her classic look.
No, I didn't give her a hug goodbye. I was so ready to get out of there.
See - my mom is having some issues but she's still got that mouth on her - and probably always will. And I'm sorry but I do NOT think she appreciates anything I do for her! When I called to let her know we were going to drop by, she said (for about the tenth time) "OK so what exactly are you coming by for? What exactly are you planning to discuss with me?" I said - for about the tenth time, "Mom, nothing in particular. We're just coming by to see you. All I'm planning on is seeing my mother." As soon as we got there, my mom said, "OK, so what in particular did you want to discuss with me again?" Now - there may be some memory issue going on there, but at the bottom of this constant line of questioning is her basic lack of trust in the right people. Her entire life, she's mistrusted the people who she should trust and she's trusted the craziest people that she should not have ever trusted. All people have to do is call her "Miss ______" and fawn over her and she's putty in their hands.
My dad always said that trying to be affectionate with her was like trying to be affectionate with a bicycle and now I really do know fully what he meant. I mean, she's never been affectionate but now she's the opposite of affectionate and simply short with a mean edge to it. I don't like it one bit.
Kathryn I don't envy you one bit. It is a tough road when a father has allowed a mother to get away with such nasty behavior and then they die. Unfortunately is has become acceptable behavior that has in essence been encouraged because it was allowed, noone ever told them that you don't always get your way because they really did. Just keep laughing and try not to take it to serious.
Kathryn I don't envy you one bit. It is a tough road when a father has allowed a mother to get away with such nasty behavior and then they die. Unfortunately is has become acceptable behavior that has in essence been encouraged because it was allowed, noone ever told them that you don't always get your way because they really did. Just keep laughing and try not to take it to serious.
You are so right. Apparently both our dads let their wives - our mothers - get away with talking and acting just any damn way they pleased and now they're OUR problem.
My mother has never been a very pleasant person to be around. She doesn't make friends easily. She is very "prickly" and hypersensitive also. Always has been.
Couple that with me - a person who simply is not particularly sensitive, and you've got trouble - LOL.
I mean, like, with the shoes. A more sensitive person - like my husband - would have said nothing. I said "Oh no, were you wearing just one shoe when we went for a walk?" without thinking - because I immediately thought of a January day, wet grass, etc. Not "I want to embarrass you so I'm calling you out," but it was dismaying to me because I thought, "Oh lord, is she forgetting how to dress now? Do I need to start worrying about that?"
We've always been like oil and water.
But true story - I found her diaries from years ago when my kids were little and yes, I read them. THEY WERE PRECIOUS. It was like all her sweet, kind, simple thoughts were there - things she would never in a million years say. Now - she may have written all that down because she knew someone would read them one day, but honestly it didn't seem calculated to me.
My mother has never been a very pleasant person to be around. She doesn't make friends easily. She is very "prickly" and hypersensitive also. Always has been.
Couple that with me - a person who simply is not particularly sensitive, and you've got trouble - LOL.
I mean, like, with the shoes. A more sensitive person - like my husband - would have said nothing. I said "Oh no, were you wearing just one shoe when we went for a walk?" without thinking - because I immediately thought of a January day, wet grass, etc. Not "I want to embarrass you so I'm calling you out," but it was dismaying to me because I thought, "Oh lord, is she forgetting how to dress now? Do I need to start worrying about that?"
We've always been like oil and water.
But true story - I found her diaries from years ago when my kids were little and yes, I read them. THEY WERE PRECIOUS. It was like all her sweet, kind, simple thoughts were there - things she would never in a million years say. Now - she may have written all that down because she knew someone would read them one day, but honestly it didn't seem calculated to me.
Did your mother have a rough childhood? My mother did which I know contributes to the way she is, from her description of her father, he was bipolar, however I never saw any of that behavior from him and I spent as much time with my grandparents as I could. Strange that the people in the world that I felt the safest with, were the two people that my mother didn't.
As far as your mothers diaries, at least you can read those sweet, kind thoughts that you didn't know existed. That was why I asked if she had a rough childhood and felt like she needed to protect herself from others, even her own children.
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