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Acknowledging that I don't have the ability to *make* my 80-something mother do anything, I have have strongly advised her to stay out of stores as much as possible. I have some health risks of my own, so I'm not going into stores either. I do curbside pick up at the grocery store, and include my mom's items on my order and then bring them over to her. My sister is choosing to go into stores, so she is able to get items that I'm not able to get via the pick up service. And my mom is comfortable ordering from Amazon, so she's able to fill in items from there when she needs them.
Having said this, I have been ok with my mom going to a couple of places, when I've been able to confirm through my local network that the store in question is very diligent about cleaning and social distancing. Costco is a prime example and very early on, they were limiting the number of people in the store, making sure all shoppers were maintaining distance and were very actively and obviously cleaning and sanitizing on an ongoing basis. So recognizing that mental health is critical as well, I told my mom that I was comfortable with her going there. There have been other stores that she talked about going to but when I explained why I had concerns about specific places based on what people in my community were saying, she has agreed to follow my recommendations.
I wasn't sure where to post this, so posted here. Sorry if I posted in the wrong forum. I figured people here might understand my concerns.
Mom isn't in a nursing home. She is 84 and lives in her home alone and is self-sufficient. She does have high blood pressure and takes medication for that, but otherwise she is pretty healthy. She stays active and is very social.
She has not gone to any store since this quarantine has started. I get her what she needs. She loves to work in her yard and that has kept her from going batty. During the day, if it's not raining, then she is outside in the yard.
Would you think it would be safe if I took her to Lowes one day, first thing in the morning when they open and before it got crowded, so that she could pick out some flowers to plant in her yard or would that be too risky?
I'm thinking if she just stays in the outdoor garden area and away from others, she would be ok especially if that area wasn't crowded first thing in the morning.
What are your thoughts?
Thanks.
It's perfectly fine. Relax. Her choice. You realize you are fine from the virus as long as you stay away from others and keep yourself clean. Many stores have senior hours. Yea just take her very early in the morning.
My opinion: if the trip isn't necessary for physical or mental well-being then skip it right now. Keep outings reserved for necessary things like doctors visits, dental, eye exams, etc. That is enough future exposure until corona lowers more.
Ask yourself how guilty you'd feel if she got sick after going out. Was it worth it?
Is catching a potential life-ending virus worth a trip to Lowes? Especially if she hasn't pushed to go there, seems like your idea.
Instead what about a nice scenic drive? She stays in the bubble but gets to see a park or something nice blooming. Picnic lunch somewhere there aren't many people.
Oh calm down. I see plenty of people buying things other than food and medicine. People have the right to buy whatever they want.
We don't live in a state where there have been many deaths or cases of the virus. If we lived in NY, I'd for sure wouldn't suggest we go.
She's been staying home ever since the quarantine. I think she's been enjoying me doing all the shopping. I've been her personal asst. lol but I don't mind. I'm very protective of her but at the same time, I have seen many elderly people out shopping. They have senior days at the different grocery stores which I never understood. How is that any safer? The elderly can spread it just as well as younger people.
How do you not understand senior hours?!? Less young people to spread it, open early only to old people
We have some senior friends. He is in his 80's, she is in her 70's. They voted for Trump and I heard early on that it was the "media." You know that koolaid drinking bizarre disconnect about how serious this was. She's a retired nurse, but she got it before he did. She has Parkinson's, he has a heart condition. They live in a low income town with high numbers of Covid in Cook County. It's bad here. Yet she insists on going out to the stores with a cloth mask on because she needs to get out and the N95 is uncomfortable. It's ridiculous how stupid this is. I tried to talk to her but stubborn and stupid often go hand in hand.
I'm trying to get in touch with another friend, a recently retired Respiratory Therapist in her 70's with he 80 year old husband. She has some surgical masks and I told her that they are ineffective in blocking Covid. I told her you need an N95. She knows better, yet they went to Cosco about two weeks ago. I told her that she should be the only one going in. Why risk double exposure? Did she listen? No. He now has a dry cough and went to the doctor yesterday.
Another friend, recently retired 68 year old Respiratory Therapist. I sent him one of our N95's. We have just a couple. He swore he wore it in the stores, yet, he's now positive. He was the one I was most worried about getting it, and he still got it. How? We don't know.
I started wearing my N95 and gloves back in March. I tracked the virus and only shopped in Covid free counties. The next day they would appear on the list with cases. I don't shop at all now. Instacart and Prime Fresh work just fine. People like me should do our part and stay home. Am I bored? You bet, but I feel it's so selfish to be going out there when you simply need to get out. This is the typical it's all about me mentality. It's short sighted and very selfish.
I can't control what my friends do, and I can't dwell on it if they get sick. I tried my best to reason with them. People are going to do what they're going to do. I will continue to be responsible with this and stay home.
That was their choice to go out. People are not selfish for wanting to live their lives. I'm young and bored and heck yeah I go out.. people need to take responsibility- if you know you are weak, old- don't go out! I can go out and will.
It's not about letting them go or not. They will do whatever they want. My 81-year-old dad's normally very independent and takes the bus everywhere. When the pandemic started, he reluctantly agreed to let me drive him to buy groceries.
Now that it's been 2 months and people are getting fed up with staying home, my dad has been itching to go back to his routine, which is going out alone. And he finally did that a few days ago. He takes the bus just like he did before the pandemic began. I give him hand sanitizer, he doesn't use it at all. I don't even think he washes his hands when he gets home. He does wear an N95 mask though.
My 80 year old mother does her own grocery shopping and today visited a family friend. She did try to keep six feet away, though she didn't wear a mask.
Anyway, elderly people have the same rights as younger people to live their lives as they choose. She and us are perfectly aware that she has a strong chance of dying if she gets Covid - she can't stand being cooped up in her apartment indefinitely, and is willing to take some risks to return to the routine she finds fulfilling and important.
My husband is a physician and as well as parents in their 70s we have two great friends who are nuns living together outside their community and they re both in their 80s. They are very lucid and active. However, he recommends that they go shopping as little as possible as 40% of people who get COVID-19 and are in their 80s are dying right now. I would suggest you take lots of photos on your phone and your mother can chose the flowers that she would would like to buy.
If elderly people insist on going out please have them social distance and wear a mask. When they return home they should leave their shoes outside the house and remove coats etc. by the front door and outside in any area where germs would have 2 days to die off. Then strip off, put their clothes in the washing machine and have a hot shower putting on clean clothes that they did not wear outside. No exaggeration. They should wear gloves and wash everything they bought with soap. If you saw the horrible death many people endure who are in their 80s and 90s from COVID-19 you wouldn't be cavalier. Please protect them and encourage them to be super vigilant.
Last edited by joyfulmorning; 05-15-2020 at 10:43 PM..
My mom is 85...NO WAY will I let her go to a grocery store! I'm taking care of her as well as my special needs brother....temporarily moved back in...socially isolating them as much as possible right now...they rely on me. If anybody has to go out it is me...and I'm very rarely out myself.
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