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They are everywhere. North, South...where ever. Hell, New Jersey sure has their share. Even New Jersey transplants down here in NC ...are like that. Talk a big game, very judgemental of others......cry and whine when it comes back to them.......
Indeed. I've even observed such people calling others such words as childish, ignorant, having an "attitude", snotty, smug, arrogant, having an "uptight snotty attitude" and ******* even being passive-aggressive. In fact, one only needs to hit the back key on their browser in this topic to observe such examples
You did hit the nail on the head as to the reason why. For my part, I simply don't respond to these kinds of comments as there is no point.
I know so many people just like that. My family is filled with them.
The problem is that, just like in your example, people use sideways methods to get their point across. It can become so rare to say exactly what you mean, that some will start looking for hidden meanings in everything you say or don't say.
Some real life example:
A: "So, do you like my new wall plaque?" (Seen briefly hanging on the garden gate as I was unloading the car from a 10 hour trip with kids)
B: "Yes, it looks nice."
A: "Well, you didn't say anything, so you must not like it."
A: "Where are ya'll going for Christmas this year?" (Usually asked in July)
B: "To the in-laws, we haven't spent Christmas with them for a few years."
A: "So, you don't like coming here?"
A: "Can I use this hat today?"
B: "Sure, I have another one I can use."
A: "That's OK, I won't use it if you don't want me to."
My point is that, as much as I hate direct confrontation done in a rude way, the alternative can become so incumbered with nuances that a real conversation becomes impossible.
I have run into folks like that, and fortunately, since they aren't family members, I can usually eliminate them from my life through avoidance, lol. However, it is really maddening if they are family members or folks you have to work with every day!
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
I think I should add that I have noticed that there are some folks here in the South who not only don't want to get confrontational with others, they get highly insulted if anyone is confrontational with them. And I also think that a lot of folks consider even a raised voice as being confrontational. Most Southerners will be ready for a fight - literally - if you assault them verbally.
I noticed this at a very young age, when I realized that yelling at folks on the streets of NE cities (i.e., NYC and Philly, as that is where we visited) was somewhat acceptable and didn't necessarily mean that folks were gonna get into a fistfight or pull a gun, lol. Now, things may have changed in the last few years . . . I think people are afraid someone will pull a gun these days (no matter where you are) if people start yelling at one another or sit down on a horn. But it has always seemed to me that the "banter" (wh/ is often loud and maybe even obnoxious) that goes on b/n strangers on streets is a more accepted phenomena than in Southern cities (at least, here in Charlotte).
If you sit down on a horn here, or yell out at someone "are ya just stupid?" when they make a dumb move while driving, people here consider that an invitation to a brawl. I have noticed that drivers "up North" just brush it all off as part of the driving experience.
Southerners consider verbal assaults as the prelude to a fight, whereas it seems to me that folks from large metros in the NE just see it as somewhat "sport" and nothing to take too personally. If I have a mistaken idea about that, then someone needs to correct my perception.
Ani you are right & wrong when it come to Philly/South Jersey.
Overall loud banter on the street is looked down on. Some people do engage in it, & others ignore it, because that loud banter sometimes is a prelude to a fist fight & nobody wants to get punched out because they tried to break up something between people who they don't know.
Now, people will yell & wave across a street to someone they know, & that is considered acceptable. (I've had that happen on Broad Street.)
As to car horns, a short blast is acceptable. However if someone lays on the horn, it is considered rude & unacceptable, not to mention illegal.
But then, people in Philly & South Jersey don't consider themselves as part of the "northeast" they consider themselves as part of the MidAtlantic.
Loved this thread, just reading it for the 1st time as I have been spending all of my time on relocation threads - and yes, I am coming from NY!!! I am not the least nervous about moving to NC, but very nervous about picking the right development fro our family. Although I want an area with many transplants so there are others in the same boat as me to identify with - I have lived in The midwest,
Southern CA, born and raised in NY. Most neighborhoods where I grew up here in NY are VERY established with NO transplants. We have families nearby, lifelong friends,etc. It would be very hard for any transplant to break into such an established lifestyle in more than a superficial way. Lets face it many people come together as friends when they NEED each other. Now if you are from NY and grew up in an old school neighborhood like me where all of your neighbors were lifelong(good and bad)& EVERYONE knew you and your family, don't tell me that you wouldn't be wary/resentful/amused/or all of a new neighbor - ESPECIALLY if they were VERY different from you! When I moved to my current home, I was relieved that many in my neighborhood came from other parts of the county or the Bronx, because we had the commonality of making the transition to a part of NY that was better for our families TODAY. For whatever reason we chose to branch out from the familiar. There are good and bad people no matter where you go - but it helps to try and move where you can feel comfortable. IMO it has more to do with socio-economic than race/culture. I wouldn't move my kids to a penthouse on Park Avenue(like the "Real Housewives" Shows - they're not like any housewives I know - LOL) even if I suddenly had the $$, because thats just not who we are, and I would expect the natives to be wary and I wouldn't want to have to make the great effort to fit in.
Realistically, most moves are made for job/economic reasons or for family. I hope for all of you making the move that you are considerate of the area you are moving to and if it doesn't feel like a fit - don't try and force it even if it is a great house - keep looking. And I hope for myself that I luck out on the neighbor lottery, because for that you never know what you are going to get until you are already there. Choose wisely, be a good to others, and hope for the best!!!!!
Good luck in your search Eilleen, you sound like "good neighbor" stock to me
I've been here three years and have never had a problem from being a transplant nor not being a "far right wing Christian". People see what they want to see and I think some see negativity around every corner.
Indeed. I've even observed such people calling others such words as childish, ignorant, having an "attitude", snotty, smug, arrogant, having an "uptight snotty attitude" and ******* even being passive-aggressive. In fact, one only needs to hit the back key on their browser in this topic to observe such examples
You did hit the nail on the head as to the reason why. For my part, I simply don't respond to these kinds of comments as there is no point.
But you will admit to "baiting" people and "having a little fun" , where I come from that is Ignorant, childish, cowardly & passive aggressive. Then the kicker is you pretend to turn the other cheek! That you are too good to even respond to such comments...Looking at your post, You just did...just passively aggressively...Great Job! it seems you can dish it out but certainly cannot take it! prime example of what I was talking about.
The other issue with screaming..I do not think or in my experience do not appreciate some one screaming as a form of communication, not tolerated....its belittling anywhere you live.
I've been here three years and have never had a problem from being a transplant nor not being a "far right wing Christian". People see what they want to see and I think some see negativity around every corner.
Not to take this the wrong way....but just because it's not happening to you does not mean it doesnt occur to someone else...I would never have believed it myself...but seeing 1st hand how family was treated, My friends visiting were treated and people I ran into visiting other cities up north were treated...they all cant be negative people who see what they want. I lived in cary for 8 months when I took a job there and the people were fantastic....I have lived in GA for 5 months and they were very accepting and were intrigued by the fact I was NYer.
Trust me I get what your saying with negative attracts negative but certainly not the case here...I would have to say married people have a better chance at assimulating (for the most part)...but singles its a bit on the rough side to say the least.
Son, there are no Southerners in Ballantyne. It's 99.9% transplants. I do however recommend that you return to the place from whence you came. Your expectations vs the realities of living here are never going to match.
You stated this was a joke...dont get the punchline.
I also said earlier its the actions that count, not the words. As in I'm not the one complaining about an empty social diary, not being able to get anyone to date, and what was it you said again.... oh yeah,
"...I have had run ins with southerners sizing me up...guys come on, I am 6 foot 2 and 241 with plenty of life experience, the last thing anyone wants is there ass handed to them. "
I suppose the reader will have to decide for themselves, but I'm thinking it's not the Southerners, transplants, bug eyed martians, and anyone else making a home here that has the issue. Take my advice, find a place where someone of your character is appreciated and move there. The South isn't it. This topic is titled "Straight Answers" and that is about as straight as it gets. (in a nice sort of way)
Not to take this the wrong way....but just because it's not happening to you does not mean it doesnt occur to someone else...I would never have believed it myself...but seeing 1st hand how family was treated, My friends visiting were treated and people I ran into visiting other cities up north were treated...they all cant be negative people who see what they want. I lived in cary for 8 months when I took a job there and the people were fantastic....I have lived in GA for 5 months and they were very accepting and were intrigued by the fact I was NYer.
Trust me I get what your saying with negative attracts negative but certainly not the case here...I would have to say married people have a better chance at assimulating (for the most part)...but singles its a bit on the rough side to say the least.
Don't know that Cary is a great example. Did you ever hear: CARY = central area of relocated yankees?
We lived outside of Cary for years, and few of our neighbors were local, much less from the south. What ended up happening is that we all had to become each other's support and family for the day to day things.
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