Religion in Charlotte (Matthews: home, to buy, quality of life)
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Carolina Girl, I think you read a lot into an innocent question. So many of you seem to feel insecure about our perception of Southerners. If we thought you were a bunch of backwards "rednecks" would we be so interested in living there?
And why is it the most offensive comments have come from the "natives"? I don't understand it at all. Find me one slightly offensive post from a Northerner and I'll find your 3 or 4 throwing the word "Yankee" around and ranting about us.
Ugghh, I'm so over the bashing we get. It gets old trying to defend ourselves. Guess what? What you are experiencing with an influx of people, we've been handling for YEARS. No one likes it, we just deal with it.
I think some of the NC natives have the "not in my backyard" mentality like when a community finds out a toxic waste dump is being built near them. The dump is necessary, but no one wants it near them. Probably not the best analogy since many NC people probably think of us transplants as toxic waste, but the point I am trying to make is this is a national issue not just isolated to NC. I have to agree with Jersey Mom about needing to "deal with it" as many of us have had to over the years in other states that have experienced growth before NC. Every single person in America can reminisce about the way their hometown use to be and how now it is over populated, full of traffic, blah, blah. It is a fact of life - America as a whole is exploding in growth. I don't know of too many areas immune to it and in some cases like in the west the huge population moving in barely speak English or are even legal for that matter. We all can cry a river and stereotype and bash, but bottom line is we all want the same thing - to be part of the American dream or what is soon becoming a nightmare to many!!
The thing is, I do understand the resistance to change. That's normal. I'm just getting tired of the stereotypes. Maybe a lot of Northerners go down and have an elitist attitude. This just doesn't seem to be the right forum to rant about it, though, because I don't think any potential "transplants" have been negative here. I keep reading about the accent we're all supposedly making fun of, am I blind? Has anyone mocked the accent? Let's be real, we have the worst accents of anybody!! So what?? If you came to NJ from the South and mocked our accents anyone I know would laugh about it.
When I said there was an overreaction, really-go back and read the posts. Was the religion question so offensive? Wouldn't anyone moving to a different culture be asking as many questions as possible?
Try to imagine for a moment, that this group of people so bent on trying to get information on NC is doing so in order to fit in-not stand out. I'm sorry if there is a majority down there giving us a bad name, but don't judge people without knowing them. You can't make these blanket, hurtful statements and then say, "Don't mean to offend".
I just have to add one more thing to the "you aren't living it" comment made earlier.
We have a beach town here, Long Branch. This was a beautiful town years and years ago. It really went through some bad times and became very run down. Now, it is going through what people like to call a "rennaisance". This means eminent domain is in serious play. For anyone who is not familiar with eminent domain, it's when our government knocks on your door to kindly offers you a third of what your property is worth, sieze it, and decide to develop it for the "good of the town". In the case of Long Branch, that means residents who have spent their lives riding out the good and the bad of the town, now have to relinquish their oceanfront homes to make way for condos and apartments. Who do you think is moving into these condos and apartments? New Yorkers for the most part. They've realized the commute is worth the beach life. My point? When you read about these people who have to move, or talk to them, they place the blame EXACTLY where it belongs. Greedy developers and politicians, not the people who are just trying to make a better life for themselves.
And can the natives of this town afford these new condos? Not on your life. So, what to do? Move on.
I have to apologize for being a bit insensitive to the NC natives in my previous response about needing to learn to deal with the growth and transplants. I realize it is hard to watch your area get out of control with growth, as I said before it has happened to almost all of us and it isn't fun. I started to think about a lot of the other things the NC natives are protective of - their inteligence, culture, strong faith, manners, etc. I can't relate to fighting the constant stereotypes about defending my inteligence and I can understand that it can get old fast. Then it hit me - wait, I can relate! I have experienced it when I have traveled to Europe and Canada. We are all called "stupid Americans" and they don't care what state we are from. They lump us all together and it is very easy to get defensive over being called stupid. I can see how it must drive you crazy facing it on a regular basis. I have only travel abroad a handful of times and it was annoying. I am sorry!!
better life for one's family is one thing, what we deal with down here is the outspokenness that we don't know anything about anything, and "the way we do it in MY NORTHERN STATE" is so much more intelligent. And this is pretty much on a daily basis, especially if one is thrown in an office setting or has a neighbor that is a northern transplant. Outspoken is really an understatement.
That type of person is rampant in the north and for those of us up here who have been pushed around by them, it is just as difficult as it is for you. Do you think that mannerly northerners are treated better by these types of people by virtue of being fellow northerners?
Think again.
As I wrote in a prior post that type of person would not even bother with a board like this- there is nothing to discuss, it is "my way or the highway"
Up north that type of person just always seems to be in control, and it is tiresome to deal with them every day.
You can't keep them away, they seem to sense the opportunity to use a person, or a place, like locusts, they overrun areas & suck out the life, & then move on.
I also wrote previously that I have some relatives who have moved down to NC, about 15 years ago, they are obviosly NYers, but some have married locals & they are all happy with their lives. and the kids! What dolls!
I will always be a NYer at heart but it is my dream that my kids settle , really settle, in the south. I often think about whether they will get southern accents, if the little ones will remember NY, and if so, to what extent will it shape their lives, if at all...
Carolina Girl, I think you read a lot into an innocent question. So many of you seem to feel insecure about our perception of Southerners. If we thought you were a bunch of backwards "rednecks" would we be so interested in living there?
And why is it the most offensive comments have come from the "natives"? I don't understand it at all. Find me one slightly offensive post from a Northerner and I'll find your 3 or 4 throwing the word "Yankee" around and ranting about us.
Where we're from, no one talks about what religion you practice or where you go to church (if you go at all). So it's just natural to be worried that we might be looked down on for not being religious. Are you going to honestly say religion isn't a huge part of the fabric of NC? Come on, I was only down there for 2 weeks and many people I had conversations with asked, "Have you found a church yet?" I don't mind the question. I look forward to a strong Christian enviroment. But try to understand it might make someone not used to it just a little uncomfortable.
Ugghh, I'm so over the bashing we get. It gets old trying to defend ourselves. Guess what? What you are experiencing with an influx of people, we've been handling for YEARS. No one likes it, we just deal with it.
Well, I really don't know how I could respond to some one who was here all of two weeks and knows all there is to know. But, let me clarify one other thing first. I do NOT feel the least bit insecure regarding your perception of me. I know who I am am I'm quite comfortable with it and I don't need your validation. So, while I was trying to help you see what you will see and why you will see it, I really don't plan to belabor the point.
I do believe that if you will slowly re-read my post you will find that I said something to the effect that the religion here is no more wierd or strange than any other place. I won't go into some other statements along that line lest you think I'm 'rude'. I don't like the 'what church do you belong to' myself as I feel that is an invasion of my privacy, but I'm sure it is asked up north or you would never have any new members. In fact, since my husband is from the Northeast, I often ask him for clarification and most often find they are the same just looked at through different glasses.
Dealing wtih an influx is one thing, dealing with an influx that thinks they can come and bring their instructions for you to adapt to is another. I can tell you aren't anxious to hear what I have to say and that is certainly your right, but if you come and you don't want to live in NC but prefer NY and mentally you are in NY, you won't be happy here. There are many here who aren't happy and they are miserable and try to make everyone else miserable too. I don't know if you have a choice regarding moving and I know it is always hard, but this is our home and we are not about to change just because someone moved in and demanded it. We have changed an awful lot and not necessarily for the better. I remember the very first NY company that moved into Charlotte was IBM. They set the tone and it was quite ugly for a while. I'm sure they must have gotten some 'insight' because after a while it got some better, but we were at home minding our own business when the demands began and it didn't set well. You certainly can reject everything I have said and it will not make one bit of difference in the course of my life. Neither will your accepting or rejecting me as a person. Perhaps you will find a warm reception. Only time will tell.
I have respect for anyone's culture and greater respect for trying to maintain heritage. But I have to disagree with you when you say you are being bashed in this forum. I think if your read posts from myself, and most everyone relocating, you won't find too much negativity. Some of the questions may seem ignorant, or tiresome, but most of us are trying to get as good a feel as the area as possible. We didn't have this wonderful opportunity years ago. We get to ask actual residents what to expect. That's a wonderful thing!
We, for the most part, have been falling all over ourselves to assure the natives that we are NOT like the stereotypical Northerners. I don't know why-you will resent us no matter what.
It's laughable to say we are not living with the problem. My area in particular has been living with the exact same problem for 20 years. I know you may think we live like animals here, but my entire county was nothing but gorgeous horse farms with quaint downtowns, and wonderful beaches. Now we are in a sea of subdivisions with overcrowded schools, outrageous taxes, traffic nightmares, and ridiculous housing costs. I'm not living with the problem? I had to move out of my neighboring town because the liberal politicians have let it become overrun by illegals. A town that was formerly a beautiful, place filled with old Victorian homes and Historic churches is now becoming a cesspool. I am close to tears every time I drive through. Don't tell me I don't live with it. This is a nationwide problem, my friend.
I can understand how the thought of your home turning into that is a nightmare, but you can't blame the people who want a better life for their families. Just as you are offended at being stereotyped, don't you think we are?
I will be Carolina Girl's neighbor soon. She may very well be sitting next to me at church one Sunday morning. I could be the one who gives her a warm smile and "Good Morning". She would probably admire my 3 young children who are incredibly sweet and well mannered. She would never know me to be anything but a Carolinian until she heard my slight Jersey accent. By the way, no one says "Joisey". I hope when she, or anyone else hears it, they don't make any judgments. And if they do, it's their loss.
The people on this forum seem to be here to learn and ask questions and I am sure we all agree that is the best way to get answers. I am certain based on the post that you made to me that you will take this wrong, but you are the only one I have encountered with hostility. Take that for what it's worth which probably isn't much.
I think some of the NC natives have the "not in my backyard" mentality like when a community finds out a toxic waste dump is being built near them. The dump is necessary, but no one wants it near them. Probably not the best analogy since many NC people probably think of us transplants as toxic waste, but the point I am trying to make is this is a national issue not just isolated to NC. I have to agree with Jersey Mom about needing to "deal with it" as many of us have had to over the years in other states that have experienced growth before NC. Every single person in America can reminisce about the way their hometown use to be and how now it is over populated, full of traffic, blah, blah. It is a fact of life - America as a whole is exploding in growth. I don't know of too many areas immune to it and in some cases like in the west the huge population moving in barely speak English or are even legal for that matter. We all can cry a river and stereotype and bash, but bottom line is we all want the same thing - to be part of the American dream or what is soon becoming a nightmare to many!!
This has gone on 25 years and with regard to having to deal with it, we don't have to deal with it and spread out the welcome mat when that is the attitude. This isn't a recent thing. Why can't we share the wealth of 'having to deal with it' with Kentucky or some other place. We have dealt with it. You can't expect hospitality and 'helpfulness' and out of the other side of your mouth say 'deal with it'. It doesn't work that way.
I have to apologize for being a bit insensitive to the NC natives in my previous response about needing to learn to deal with the growth and transplants. I realize it is hard to watch your area get out of control with growth, as I said before it has happened to almost all of us and it isn't fun. I started to think about a lot of the other things the NC natives are protective of - their inteligence, culture, strong faith, manners, etc. I can't relate to fighting the constant stereotypes about defending my inteligence and I can understand that it can get old fast. Then it hit me - wait, I can relate! I have experienced it when I have traveled to Europe and Canada. We are all called "stupid Americans" and they don't care what state we are from. They lump us all together and it is very easy to get defensive over being called stupid. I can see how it must drive you crazy facing it on a regular basis. I have only travel abroad a handful of times and it was annoying. I am sorry!!
Thanks for the post. Enlightenment is all it usually takes to help correct situations. I have traveled extensively throughout the world, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, most of Europe and most of the states in the US and fortunately it isn't a prevalent attitude everywhere we have traveled. BUT, the stupid insensitivity toward other govenrments that our government is now making is causing some 'backlash' toward our citizens. Last fall I was in AU and NZ and I found that almost 100% of the people changed their attitudes toward us when we verbalized that we didn't support the stupid decision regarding the war. Then, Katrina hit and that didn't help either. I could really see that reflected in the fast and curt, though courteous, response we got when Bush offered our assistance after the Typhoon hit the Cairns area (which is where we were when Katrina hit here). I could almost hear the 'how could we expect you to help us when you can't help your own people.'
I did experience some resentment in Canada once over the exchange rate which I thought was interesting. But overall I have had very nice encounters with Canadians. However, no one, absolutely can be nicer than the Japanese. They were marvelous and I was wondering how they would handle the Hiroshima Peace Memorial. They firmly fixed the blame on themselves for starting the attacks and went from there with factual information and tact. I was very impressed with them the entire time we were there.
Carolina Girl,
I really don't feel any hostility towards you whatsoever. I also wasn't really calling you insecure, personally. I just think it's a knee jerk reaction to be defensive if you've really been exposed to so much rudeness. My point really was, I think the question about religion was fairly innocent.
Also, I wasn't inferring that I knew all about NC after 2 weeks. Quite the opposite-I was saying in the short period of time I was there, I was asked the question a number of times. It's not asked here, plain and simple. Whether it bothers someone or not is personal of course, but I just think someone who is not particularly religious may be nervous about how he or she will be perceived.
And while I REALLY get (more than you know), the frustration the natives feel, I'm just saying this group asking questions doesn't seem to fit that mold.
Just for the record, I won't have a NY mentality, because I'm not from NY
And I am trying to escape that behavior, as my area has also been "invaded".
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