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Is the issue you have with these people the fact that they have controlling personalities or that they are Christians? Seems to me that the two issues are actually unrelated and that you might get some more helpful answers had you posted this is the relationships forum.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerwade
I'm not so sure about that, there may be a direct correlation?
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05
So what is the direct correlation and what is the best way to go about dealing with the problem?
Three things that ruin a Church and friendships:
Dominating, Controlling, and Manipulating Behaviors.
What age brackets are the parties to this foursome?
And what exactly is this persons disability?
(You mentioned something about doctor appointments).
Apparently, there is only one person with a vehicle?
Do you and your husband also take the bus?
(There appears to be too many unknown variables).
Do you have an example of a conversation with this person?
Where she is attempting to control you, or is it merely the other guy?
With respect to the OP, 'controlling people' are a difficult situation, because naturally the object of their control is always associated with others, because it's others that interfere with their ideas and outcomes. The problem is that to control others is selfish, and comes ultimately from a perception or feelings of rejection, ...and when you can help people by loving and accepting them, they lose that control - they have to let go of it, because that's what love does - it breaks those boundaries down. So, they up the ante in response! ...there is little that you can do. If your pride can stand it, you can tell them you love them, and carry on taking the sh1t - just stand there in silence, etc. But it's not a true expression of being free to be who you are or for them to be free with who they are, until they let go. Sadly, there's countless numbers of people who go to the grave never having conquered this. The only answer is to let the love of Abba melt away the feelings of rejection - let His love become WHO we ARE, and all controlling behaviours / attitudes will be undone, one by one.
Three things that ruin a Church and friendships:
Dominating, Controlling, and Manipulating Behaviors.
What age brackets are the parties to this foursome?
And what exactly is this persons disability?
(You mentioned something about doctor appointments).
Apparently, there is only one person with a vehicle?
Do you and your husband also take the bus?
(There appears to be too many unknown variables).
Do you have an example of a conversation with this person?
Where she is attempting to control you, or is it merely the other guy?
The female half of the couple was born in 1968.
The male half of the couple was born in 1960.
The female half of the couple has 2 disabilities, diabetes, the other disability she will not disclose.
My husband and I take the bus. However, for grocery shopping, the male half of the couple takes him or us and picks him or us up. He also takes me husband to church.
The female half of the couple, who are just friends now, told me earlier this week to not ask her male friend for his help regarding anything.
Last edited by snugglegirl05; 10-12-2016 at 08:24 AM..
With respect to the OP, 'controlling people' are a difficult situation, because naturally the object of their control is always associated with others, because it's others that interfere with their ideas and outcomes. The problem is that to control others is selfish, and comes ultimately from a perception or feelings of rejection, ...and when you can help people by loving and accepting them, they lose that control - they have to let go of it, because that's what love does - it breaks those boundaries down. So, they up the ante in response! ...there is little that you can do. If your pride can stand it, you can tell them you love them, and carry on taking the sh1t - just stand there in silence, etc. But it's not a true expression of being free to be who you are or for them to be free with who they are, until they let go. Sadly, there's countless numbers of people who go to the grave never having conquered this. The only answer is to let the love of Abba melt away the feelings of rejection - let His love become WHO we ARE, and all controlling behaviours / attitudes will be undone, one by one.
nice. I would say again that understanding the codependency model would be beneficial, as it basically provides a roadmap for doing just this, what you post, and will dissolve the angst associated with "So, they up the ante in response!" It provides a human understanding of these spiritual principles, and thus a kind of immunity from the inevitable drama.
nice. I would say again that understanding the codependency model would be beneficial, as it basically provides a roadmap for doing just this, what you post, and will dissolve the angst associated with "So, they up the ante in response!" It provides a human understanding of these spiritual principles, and thus a kind of immunity from the inevitable drama.
I've not heard of the codependency model...?
The upping the ante part was associated with the 'self-rejection' mechanism, I had a bit of counselling on it many years ago - a behaviour I was engaging in. People can push others away just to prove themselves right they would be rejected, and so their ego is built up when they actually are rejected, ....but it was something they caused to happen.
But it's the same thing as needing to control others, so efforts are stepped up when it isn't working.
One has to be able to accept ones self first and foremost - be free to be - or it always manifests as not allowing others to be them selves. A critical spirit shows underlying self issues - judging others all the time.
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