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Old 12-16-2008, 07:13 PM
11,642 posts, read 23,897,096 times
Reputation: 12274


Originally Posted by mommytotwo View Post
I told him how to take care of it on his own, but he refused and insisted I step in. Only after the other mother refused to do anything and said her son takes care of these things did my son agree to take care of it on his own. Which was good, because that is what I wanted him to do in the first place.
Of course if he asks you need to try to help. IMO the most important thing for your son is to feel he can always come to you for anything he needs. You don't want anything to make him feel he cannot come to you. Now that my older son is in high school I am really happy that we set up that trust early....

Originally Posted by mommytotwo View Post
To be perfectly honest, I hadn't taught him anything about how to handle these situations. I just didn't expect this kind of thing to happen so soon. (Stupid of me really, considering that there are plenty of 2nd graders w/older siblings that would have already picked up on this behavior.

I think he's good now. We did the role playing, told him how to handle situations, arming him with the knowledge of how to manage this type of thing on his own now.
Well-when I become the perfect parent I will let you know.....You did the best you could, when you realized he was lacking a skill you helped him develop it. You have no idea what you need to teach your kids. Sometimes it just pops up.

I know you are following the thread about the nude girl pictures. This morning I spend a few minutes chatting with my 7th/9th graders about the issue and how they could be charged with possessing child pornography despite their young ages. Who would ever have thought that this would be a topic to discuss on the way to school???? We all do the best we can.

Originally Posted by mommytotwo View Post
I certainly don't want him to think I am going to take care of everything for him, and that is why i made him speak up to the mother, which I think took courage on his part. I am not going to step in whenever he has a complaint about someone, but I do want him to know that when push comes to shove I will stand up for him...

Thanks Mommabear for your advice.
As I mentioned above having his confidence that you are there to help is the most important thing you can do. He will make mistakes and so will you, but at least if he knows you are always there for him he will continue to confide in you.
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Old 12-16-2008, 09:51 PM
Location: mass
2,905 posts, read 7,347,484 times
Reputation: 5011
Originally Posted by Sam82 View Post
Dear MommytoTwo:

First, I want to say that in my opinion, you didn't do the wrong thing. However, things could have been handled better. The fact that you are emotionally tied to the situation (it's your son after all), makes you biased.

In some of your other posts you said that the mother was not thrown off or embarrassed. How do you know? She was at dance class and you approached her about something that happened at school. There is no reason for her to be expecting to be approached at dance class about something that happened earlier at school. I actually feel that confronting her at dance class was inappropriate. You should have waited until you were at school or requested a meeting at the school.

Secondly, even if you were nice about the situation, it is still kind of embarrassing for her to hear that her child may be a bully. The embarrassment would be there regardless of whether others overheard it or not.

Now, about the situation with your son: I would not worry too much. Children are super fickle at that age. They are just learning how to really be a friend. There will be some kinks to work out. If the boy approaches your son in a menacing way, I would contact the school, not the parent.

P.S. At my school, the children are never unsupervised. I would try and see what an adult actually witnessed. Children can be the WORST witnesses. This is not an attack against your son. I just know from experience how children at that age are
I'm not sure what you are referring to, I said sure she was thrown off guard, no one is on guard at all times because someone might come up to them and complain about their son. And I only pointed out that no one heard the conversation because another poster said she may have been embarrassed because people overheard us, which they didn't. Sure she may have been embarrassed, but honestly I don't think so. She honestly seemed to be washing her hands of the conversation with her first sentence. Looking back, I am sure she restrained herself from interrupting my son while he was talking. You want to talk embarrassed, I was a little embarrassed at her speech that her son has to take care of this stuff himself, which was exactly what I had asked my son to do in the first place. After she said she makes her son take care of these things himself, I said to my son "That sounds like a good idea, do you think you can handle this from here, and talk to XXX?" and my son said yes. Hows that for embarrassing? This lady now thinks I am a dumb a$$ who fights my kids battles and I just gave her credit for the idea I had in the first place (as if I couldn't have thought of that concept with my own small brain), but was unable to implement until her little tirade.

I didn't go through the school because I did not want to make a big deal about it. That is the funny part. I did not want to make a big deal about something that could be discussed between two adults in two minutes (I mean, really what is there to discuss, this wouldn't have required deep conversation).

It's still unfathomable to me that this is how it went down. I can't imagine that I should have taken this up with the school. I mean really! It's not a huge deal.

About seeing what an adult witnessed, other than to test the accuracy of what my son said, I see no point in doing that now. Who knows who the recess aid was, she told the boy that she knew his mother (and no they don't know all the parents by this time of year as someone else suggested, there are like 400 kids in his school and who knows how many volunteers & teachers). Anyway if this woman actually knows the kids mother, and mentions it to her, it will be worse because not only will my kid look like a baby, but I'll look like a mom who goes whining to the school.

Just today I asked my son if he talked to the kid and resolved the issue. My son says not really then goes on to tell me that he did talk to the boy, and the boy, who wasn't getting along with someone named Courtney, tried to be friends with her but it wasn't working out, so he asked my son to tell Courtney that he wasn't going to be her friend anymore, or something to that effect. I asked my son why the kid couldn't tell her himself and he said they are on opposite sides of the building (the kids on opposite sides don't see each other much).

Come on! I told my son to tell the boy that he would have to tell Courtney that he didn't want to be friends with her himself, because that kind of information might hurt her feelings and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings, and he also is not this kids messenger. We practiced this.

The good thing is my son has apparently moved on from the cry baby cry incident and really doesn't care about it anymore. Which was the goal after all. For him to deal with it, face it, get over it, get on with it, whatever. And he has....

Thanks everyone!
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Old 12-17-2008, 06:02 AM
1,077 posts, read 2,631,757 times
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I have four boys twins-18 a 10 and an 8 year old. Belive me, I know fighting between kids and not just brother to brother. Our school used to have the policy that if you get into a fight no matter who started it, both parties were in trouble. Needless to say that policy did not last. The school now has a very tough harrasment/bully policy. My 10 year old has a tumor on his thyroid that cannot be removed for quite a while yet. This has caused him to gain weight at an astronomical rate. Classmates that have been with him since Kinder are compassionate. It's the new kids coming into our school that are cruel. They call him names, shove him, ridicule him ect....at least they try. One word from him or one of his friends to our administration brings that to a screeching halt. Being a bully is just as bad as being prejeduce or racial in my opinion. If a kid insists on being the local badA#*, the other parent should be able to do something legally. Hit these dead beat parents who don't want to intrude in their 8-10 year olds lives where it hurts, that would be great.
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Old 12-17-2008, 06:12 AM
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Sounds like you have a good handle on everything Momtotwo. The good news is that your child will forget this all in a couple of weeks.
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Old 12-17-2008, 02:46 PM
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Originally Posted by toobusytoday View Post
Sounds like you have a good handle on everything Momtotwo. The good news is that your child will forget this all in a couple of weeks.
I actually laughed while reading your post. You are so right. Children are so funny. They love/hate their friends all of the time.

One summer, my sister physically fought her "best friend" every other day when they were very young (about 7). I'm not exaggerating. They made up every single time they fought.

OP, don't worry too much. It's nice that you are there for your son. He'll be fine. Now you know, don't ever approach that mother again. If something happens involving her son, go straight to the school.
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