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Hey guys - here is the deal - everyone is scared of the unknown. And when you move and find that you dislike the new area, your first inclination is to go back to the area you came from. Just take the time to stop and think what the real reason were that you left the other place and then make the decision whether it is just the area in which you live is bad, but not necessarily the state. Personally, I don't hate NYC never have never will, but after I leave here, I don't think, I'll ever move back. This is just not the place I want to be and if South Fl isn't the right place, maybe North Floriday will be. But, one thing is certain! I will never know until I make the move.
You are all so great!! As I told Chelsa, I just started posting on here, but I have been reading all the posts several times a day for months and all though there are a few really annoying naysayers that will never be happy anywhere, there more of you like these last few posts that really help me out and reassure me that we are making the right decision. I just hope everything works out with our jobs so we can get on the road!!
OK...ok...you wanted it, here it is and it's long.....
.......Having been born and raised 42 years in the Cape Cod area of Ma., I had longed to live in Florida since I was 11 years old. As a child, my family would vacation every year in either Winter Haven, Orlando, Ocala, St. Augustine or Titusville. So I have seen the growth and changes that Florida has gone through, since 1978, but, through rose colored glasses per say. I was on vacation remember, so I was not in "the real world". I had the opportunity as an adult, to move to Florida (my dream), when my wonderful husband really sat down and worked the numbers and realized that a move from Ma. to Florida would be financially beneficial, in a big way! And, my husband has a job where he can transfer basically anywhere. We chose to build our dream home in Winter Haven because my husband was to work in Orlando and very much used to driving long distances to work, also because, I had visited this area for years.
When we arrived in our new home, which was a fiasco in itself, I was in heaven, then it hit me- Florida is vastly different from Ma. and within 2 weeks, I was crying constantly, wondering why I had made such a horrible, life changing decision for my family (we have 3 children, 2 in school) and wanted to go home to Ma.
Here's why and please, by no means do I want to insult anyone, any culture, any economic standing, but THIS is the reason why I have flip flopped so many times.:
Florida to me was "Disney like", imagine that, and I believe it is to most of us who are not from there and that is what we think it will be like to live there. Those who live there, know it's not.
THIS is what I saw my first week in Florida, everytime
I left my rose colored glasses, dream home in my gated upscale community (I'm being sarcastic here), (and please, I know NOW, that this IS NOT everywhere in Fl).....
1. Our daughters teachers were uneducated and her school was disgusting and filled with gangs (GANGS!)Gasp!!
2. There were more spanish speaking people here, than english speaking and all the products on the shelves catered to spanish speaking people, or so it seemed to me
3. I saw a church every 3rd building and some were made of mobile homes
4. I saw living conditions that I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED IN THE USA (surprise, suprise, I was raised in an all white upper middle class family community/town, etc.)
5. Daily I would see people with no teeth or driving down the street on a quad with a six pack on the back and their kids!
6. The post office, ulitity co., DMV was at least 15-20 yrs behind in the form of technology.(what do you mean I have to wait more than 10 min.?)
7. Food shopping was different, the meats tasted different, you even have different cuts of beef than we do up north, who knew? I always though a cows a cow...guess not. The selection is far less as well.
8. Southern hospitality is not alive and living in central Fl.
9. There are a lot of Floridians who just don't like people from the north
10. OMG...I have to drive so far to get to ANYTHNG!
11. Don't be fooled....The ONLY thing CHEAPER in Florida is the housing, EVERYTHING else is MORE EXPENSIVE!
The list goes on and on, but I'm sure you can tell that I am culture shocked and confused and disoriented at this point. THIS isn't MY Florida, what did they do to it? Where did it go?
It is 18 months later, I have b*tched and complained everyday to everone who would listen as I desperately try to "get out of Dodge". It finally happens, the planets aline perfectly and we are able to move back to Ma. Yipeeee, my kids are thrilled, I'm thrilled, my husband is hoping
I will just shut up already and we will be moving within 6 months!
This is where the change begins to occur, I start traveling outside of central Fl (for work), to the east coast, to the gulf coast, to other areas and towns where the people seem to be "normal" (at least my normal)....I begin to ask myself if maybe, just maybe, we moved to the WRONG part of Florida and it was NOT Florida as a whole that has let me down so much. I begin to accept certain things, get used to others and actually like a few. BUT, I never share this with my family because, well, we're moving back to Ma. soon and that is probably best, because the "GRASS IS SO MUCH GREENER THERE"
Well, it is now 2 yrs since we moved to Florida and we have moved back to Ma. I am here for abt. 2-3 weeks and low and behold, I HATE IT! I don't think I mentioned to you that I detest the cold weather, I mean in a sense that I hibernate 6-8 months out of the year in the cold!
I know right off, that this was a HUGE mistake and to the tune of over $130,000, because that is how much we have lost during my "confusion on where I want to live" Yes, my husband is an angel, yes I worship him and yes, we are still married.....lol.....
I am not the only one who feels this way though, my husband begins to feeel it almost immediately too (but doesn't say anything), my daughter (14), takes abt 5 months to say it too.
WE MISS FLORIDA!!!!
Here's why:
1. Yes, the schools were bad and there were gangs, but....my daughters new school academics are not that much better than her old school (I am shocked)
2. Ok, ok, so no one speaks spanish and the products are all in english, but guess what...who cares? not me anymore I guess. Yes, it's a novelty to actually see white construction workers and landscapers, but hey,the novelty has worn off.
3. Food....our first month here, we ate and ate and ate at all of our favorite places and bought our favorite foods and it was HEAVENLY..... but, that's worn off too and we've gained 10lbs!..I lost 50 in Florida!!!
4. Because of economic times as they are and the losses we have incurred on selling our home in bad times, we are now living in an area where people ride quads with their kids on the back, sit on their porch till 3am and listen to loud music and , well, you get what I'm saying.
5. So there isn't a church around ever corner up here......not a concern anymore or such a shock.
6. I have to DRIVE forever to get to ANYWHERE!!! Sound familiar??? I thought so.
7. I've been given the finger 8 times in 3 weeks and yelled at for being a "Florida driver" (we still have our plates), talk about southern hospitality!
8. So I haven't had to wait at a post office, goverment office or DMV, (or a BK , MCD's,Wendy's etc...)SO WHAT.......Now I have extra time in my day to think about how much I hate living here!
It's been 8 months living back in Ma.....it has been a living hell, we are miserable, let me rephrase that, more miserable than we EVER were in Florida. Have I said how it's been the coldest and snowiest winter in 2 years? Ya..........
Daughtry sings a phrase in one of his songs "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it all, and then some you don't want" This IS my anthem, sad to say.
What's up in the future for my family? Well, we are planning on making the move back to Florida in August of this year (2009), exactly 1 year after moving back to Ma. and 3 years from moving orig. down to Florida. What have we learned or should I say, what have I learned? Well, it has cost me over 3 years of my life, what will be close to $200,000,and being medicated for depression due to the insanity.....for me to finally KNOW in my heart WHERE I belong and WANT to be....FLORIDA!!......And honestly, I think that it is a pretty cheap price to pay to really, really, know what you want in life because some people NEVER EVER achieve that!
Oh ya.....my family is doing fabulous, the kids are great, my husband is wonderful as usual and the saga continues......
PS...we still have no idea WHERE we will live in Florida, but..it won't be anywhere off of Rt. 27!
That's why I've been asking sooo many questions abt. EVERYWHERE in Florida, again, we're lucky that my husband can transfer just abt. anywhere. Love you honey!
I just wanted to thank your for your post. This is probably my favorite and most encouraging post I have read on here yet and I am so happy for you that you have finally figured out what will make your family happy! Congrats!!!
DMM - I don't know where up north you are from but what I would suggest to you is that you should visit some other areas before making the big decision to move to the other half of the country. I know I have done so much homework and I know that aside from the job thing (which is huge), I'm doing the right thing.
Make no mistake, I have no preconceived notion that it will be paradise, but it is a change I'm welcoming. If you think really hard than I promise you will find positive in every situation. I wish you look on your journey and hope that you find the perfect place for you and your family!
I am thrilled that my experiences may help another family, because truly, this is what these forums are all about, learning from others past mistakes and/or triumphs. I will definately keep everyone posted and please do the same.
Hey guys - here is the deal - everyone is scared of the unknown. And when you move and find that you dislike the new area, your first inclination is to go back to the area you came from. Just take the time to stop and think what the real reason were that you left the other place and then make the decision whether it is just the area in which you live is bad, but not necessarily the state. Personally, I don't hate NYC never have never will, but after I leave here, I don't think, I'll ever move back. This is just not the place I want to be and if South Fl isn't the right place, maybe North Floriday will be. But, one thing is certain! I will never know until I make the move.
When I was 19, I decided to go to college in Colorado. I live in Ma. Why did I choose that college? It had nothing to do with the school. I wasn't even interested in college when I was in HS, I just wanted to get away from where I was. I wanted to be on my own. So with no research on school or the state I was going to, I went.
Had the time of my life for about a month. I went to bed one night, happy as a clam in my new world. I woke up the next morning in the midst of a panic attack. I couldn't breathe. As the day went on, I couldn't stop crying. I was nervous, scared, I felt alone. I realized everything was different. SOO different from MA. Within 4 days, I moved back home.
In those 4 days all kinds of people from friends, teachers, my advisor, RA all tried to tell me..calm down..think it through, it will be ok. You will get past this. Trust us. I didn't listen. To me, in those last 4 days, I found everything awful with the entire state of Colorado. I hated it. I hated the people. I hated the cold. I hated the stupid mountains, the stupid deer, the stupid elk blocking the only way in or out of Gunnison, where I was. And off I went back home.
I went home and was soooooo sooooo happy to be home. No place was better than home. Home was awesome. Home rocked....for about a few months. And then I desperatley missed what I left back in Colorado. The beautiful mountains, my new friends, my independance, my new life, the nature, the wildlife...the ruralness of where I was. Everything.
I spent a long time wishing I didn't freak out and leave. If I could have waited, if I could have thought it out, if I could have seen a counselor to get me through the culture shock..anything.
What that experience has taught me is that it takes more than a few months to decide whether you like a new place or not. When we move, I am not going to know for a while if we are going to be happy living where we are or not. I am told it takes at least 2 years. I told dh that I will commit to at least 2 years. I hate living with regret. And I will never regret trying something new.
DMM - I don't know where up north you are from but what I would suggest to you is that you should visit some other areas before making the big decision to move to the other half of the country. I know I have done so much homework and I know that aside from the job thing (which is huge), I'm doing the right thing.
Make no mistake, I have no preconceived notion that it will be paradise, but it is a change I'm welcoming. If you think really hard than I promise you will find positive in every situation. I wish you look on your journey and hope that you find the perfect place for you and your family!
I am guessing this is to me so I'll respond. I'd never move to the other half of the country. I realized that after I had moved here I missed my home town. I will never keep on moving around because I want my kids to have stability in their life. My only regret was that I didn't considering moving to the east coast of Florida vs. here. In time when the kids are grown I may take another stab at it (the other coast), but right now its back home for me.
Last edited by dmccauley; 03-12-2009 at 02:13 PM..
I'm so sorry, I meant to put DMCC. Anyway, where are you from? I thought you were from the Tri-state area. Also, I didn't mean to come off brash, that wasn't my intent, but rather to hopefully give you another option that is not as disruptive as moving across whole states. That just may not work for you! If it doesn't, I wish you luck and hope that your journey back home is both speedy and seamless. I can only imagine how hard it will be with the kids. I am not looking forward to that part at all. Good luck!
I'm so sorry, I meant to put DMCC. Anyway, where are you from? I thought you were from the Tri-state area. Also, I didn't mean to come off brash, that wasn't my intent, but rather to hopefully give you another option that is not as disruptive as moving across whole states. That just may not work for you! If it doesn't, I wish you luck and hope that your journey back home is both speedy and seamless. I can only imagine how hard it will be with the kids. I am not looking forward to that part at all. Good luck!
I am from Monmouth County NJ (Central). I didn't take offense to anything you said no worries. The worst part about moving with kids is the long drive to get here, otherwise it isn't so bad. They were just as excited as I was.
[quote=Madaly;7853111]When I was 19, I decided to go to college in Colorado. I live in Ma. Why did I choose that college? It had nothing to do with the school. I wasn't even interested in college when I was in HS, I just wanted to get away from where I was. I wanted to be on my own. So with no research on school or the state I was going to, I went.
Had the time of my life for about a month. I went to bed one night, happy as a clam in my new world. I woke up the next morning in the midst of a panic attack. I couldn't breathe. As the day went on, I couldn't stop crying. I was nervous, scared, I felt alone. I realized everything was different. SOO different from MA. Within 4 days, I moved back home.
In those 4 days all kinds of people from friends, teachers, my advisor, RA all tried to tell me..calm down..think it through, it will be ok. You will get past this. Trust us. I didn't listen. To me, in those last 4 days, I found everything awful with the entire state of Colorado. I hated it. I hated the people. I hated the cold. I hated the stupid mountains, the stupid deer, the stupid elk blocking the only way in or out of Gunnison, where I was. And off I went back home.
I went home and was soooooo sooooo happy to be home. No place was better than home. Home was awesome. Home rocked....for about a few months. And then I desperatley missed what I left back in Colorado. The beautiful mountains, my new friends, my independance, my new life, the nature, the wildlife...the ruralness of where I was. Everything.
I spent a long time wishing I didn't freak out and leave. If I could have waited, if I could have thought it out, if I could have seen a counselor to get me through the culture shock..anything.
What that experience has taught me is that it takes more than a few months to decide whether you like a new place or not. When we move, I am not going to know for a while if we are going to be happy living where we are or not. I am told it takes at least 2 years. I told dh that I will commit to at least 2 years. I hate living with regret. And I will never regret trying something new.[/QUOTE
Great Post!! we are living here just about 2 yrs now and for us its time to move on and you are right, one needs to give it time.....
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