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So here is the update, this morning, he was in good mood, i guess this chat trotted in his head overnight, and he was nice this morning, he was talking to me again, asked how i slept, and prepared breakfast for himself and for our son. Things are starting to change the right way
Before he left for work, he asked if i could cook him burger for after work, and said pleaaase, he was bit sacarstic, but that's the way he is, to make his point, but i don't care, he has pride, it's hard for him to change his habits, so i'm pleased how this morning went
For lunch my son made an effort too i made pasta with ham and carrot for him, he did ate all the pasta 2 bit of ham, but it was really hard and few bits of carrot! i was surprise he actually ate them! and told him no snacks before 4pm
You guys are probably right, there might be a bigger issue in the background... but i just try to focus on the food part for now, maybe if he change and get better, everything else will get better. He is really not a bad guy, he has a lot of qualities, he is a good father, really involved
This is real progress! And he did come up with a meal he likes (burgers) and back to my earlier comment about creating a menu with him (and suggest kid food). So, if dinner goes ok tonight perhaps suggest a couple of other meals “So, tomorrow do you think pizza or spagetti?”
I think his pickiness is real but his display of behavior to you regarding his food issues is childish. Its learned behavior that isn’t directly aimed at you. So you really have 2 issues — his pickiness and his disrectfulness. I was married for 11 years to a man with similar behaviors. Its a delicate balance loving a man and walking on eggshells trying to keep the household calm and pleasant. I don’t envy you. We all have to find our way and I wish you the best of luck. Who knows, with some loving assertiveness this man of yours may step up and become the man your heart wants. It would be a good thing for your whole family if meals happen at the table and not in laps by the TV.
My husband is a fussy eater, and so does is our son... he probably takes that from his daddy...
It’s becoming a nightmare, we always fight because of food 😭
He doesn’t like anything...
I’m French and love food, but he won’t try anything I make, he calls it “weird” food
when I ask him, what do you want to eat? He says Food! So I asked him, which kind of food? He says cooked food. I then says can you be more specific, and here the fight begins, he doesn’t know... I need to pull some kind of food from my hat, but whatever I propose he is either not in a mood for it or doesn’t like it... and then he is upset with me because I’m out of ideas,and he ends up just snacking...
I don’t know what to do with him... he is worst than a child!!!!
The worst is the evening, he doesn’t want to eat at the table, he wants something quick and easy to eat
So I usually make something like Porridge or toasted sandwiches with ham or hotdogs... but Mr is sick of it, and complaining I always cook the same, but in the same time he won’t eat anything!!! It’s hard enough it has to be something he can eat in the sofa
The problem is when I finally found something he likes, he then eats it all the time and gets sick of it!
He used to love wrap with lettuce and breaded chicken, now just seeing a wrap make him nauseous
He used to love spaghetti bolonese, so I did it twice a week, now he won’t eat it, same with omelette
Can you help me find food he might like, and can cook for him
He doesn’t like any kind of cheese, except melted on pizza
He doesn’t like any kind of vegetables, maybe lettuce but only if he has no choice
About potatoes he will only eat them if they are roasted in the oven or if it’s chips / French fries
He hates stew
He won’t eat pasta, except if it’s spaghetti
He can tolerate rice but not more than once a week and, when he will see it he will make this face and say “ewwww”
He is sick of toast too
Do you have any suggestions for me, i’m sick of fighting over food... and i’m 7 month and half pregnant, so I have something else to worry about than food!!!
Thanks
I'd give him a choice of vienna sausage, deviled ham or sardines and let him prepare them.
Sad that kids have to see how this man treats his wife.
Ugh.
Yes and the son will grow up thinking that it's OK to treat women this way.
Glad things are better for you OP. I really hope they continue to improve but since as others have said, this is about control and his lack of respect for you, not food, I really doubt that it will because his I can't see his desire to be in control changing.
I don't know. Some people have been coddled and allowed their own way, and so they naturally expect that, and pout and complain at first when they are told how things will be; but they get over it. Others cannot cope with being told "no" and will escalate things.
We don't know where the OP's husband falls on this continuum. I think the question is, is he a spoiled baby, who will get over it and grow up, or is he an abusive person who is currently using food as his arena for abuse? With the information given here, we as outsiders can't tell.
At any rate, a grown woman does not need to put up with childish behavior from her husband; and if it turns out that it is part of a pattern of abusive behavior rather than a pattern of childish behavior, she does not need to put up with that either.
I have a suggestion, OP, that I hope you will give serious consideration to.
Make an appointment and go talk to a divorce attorney and have him explain to you all of your rights and what you can realistically come away from a marriage with. Learn the steps to prepare yourself for a divorce, just so you know what is involved.
You don't have to act on it, but knowledge is power. You should inform yourself about what all your options are.
I agree. Many divorce attorneys offer free consultations.
A good friend of mine was pretty frustrated with her lazy, unemployed husband and talked to a divorce attorney. Once she discovered that she would probably have to pay him substantial spousal support each month including paying his rent & utilities, plus would have to pay off ALL of his credit card debt (technically in a divorce he would get half of the debt but since they were joint accounts and he was unemployed the credit card companies would come after her to pay) she decided to give it another try. It was rough for a few years, but he finally got a new job, stopped spending money that they did not have and in the end it worked out OK.
OMG! Stop with the divorce talk. It does exactly 1 thing, it ruins lives (well, except for the guy ~ they pay some money and are "set free" to erase any regrets).
The OP will be saddled with the house, the kids (2 of them) and the requirement to come up with the money that isn't part of Alamony, assuming he pays. She has to live with the memories day in and day out, struggling to maintain a life for the kids.
The kids suffer through a broken relationship and suffer irreparable harm from it. Seriously, ask ANY experienced counselor about what happens to kids from broken homes, there are NO good stores short of the guy being physically violent/causing bodily harm... and even in Those situations there is mental/emotional damage. Anyone with experience in this field pushes, HARD, for parents to stay together for kids because the damage is SO overwhelming.
And the guy? He pays some money, suffers a little downtime and them moves on. Usually they have more time to devote to work and suddenly find themselves making way more money. Then they find they can have any kind of girl they want, multiples if they so choose. No daily reminders of that failed relationship, near complete freedom to Move On. Very rarely is there a divorce where the guy isn't better off in 3~4 years time.
The *BEST* solution is for the OP and her SO to work things out. This doesn't mean enabling him to do the same things, but you don't HAVE to sink the boat just because it needs a coat of paint. And that's what this issue is (from what's been posted), a relationship that needs a little sprucing up.
I find this very hard to believe, OP. Perhaps you could clarify, for starters, whom you're describing in the bulk of the post: your husband's behavior, or your son's?
If your husband is behaving that childishly, this is far from normal. Did you never cook for him, when you two were dating? How did the situation come to this?
Since his food preferences are extremely limited, you'll have to simply confess to him one evening, "I'm sorry, honey, but I've tried my best, really given it my all, but it hasn't worked out. I cannot cook for you. Since you don't like anything I serve, you'll have to cook for yourself. I have to cook what's best for me and the growing baby; that's where I need to focus right now. I tried, but I'm completely out of ideas at this point, and can't handle the stress. You can cook anything you want, as long as you clean up after yourself. "
Really, he's left you with no other options. Don't play his game any longer. Just step out of the game, and leave him alone in it, to deal with himself.
So at the end, my husband is still upset at me for "forcing him" to eat and blaming him for everything, he is still really cold with me and won't talk to me but we're getting there!
This is a child in an adult's body. How long has this been going on? How long have you been married to him? How long before that did you date, and then how long was the engagement? Did you live together during the engagement period? Did you EVER cook for him, in the entire time that you dated and were engaged?
This isn't making sense. We need more information. I don't hang around people very long at all, who behave this way. Fortunately, they're fairly rare.
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