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Why is it that everyone gets fired up about single moms collecting welfare or government assistance, but no one gets fired up when the same mom can't collect child support?
We seem to be directing our anger at the wrong issue. I am a firm believer that if they fix the child support system we will see great improvement in the welfare system.
Why do they not do more to collect support from dead beats? Why are the tax payers not pushing for child support enforcement to collect these bad debts?
Eau Contraire, I'm fired up.....let's just make sure this "child support" actually goes to the child and not her newest boyfriend(s)....many a man sits broken financially eating peanut butter while Barbie buys a new SUV every three years off the old man's "child support" while living with her new boyfriend who has a steady job.....
Support? Definitely......financial subsidy? Not a f'in chance.....the laws should be just as tough on THAT!
But yes, dodge your payment, go to jail...seems fair.....just curious, does any guy who is awarded custody get child support from a mom?
Child support has become a lot more tenuous because of all the changes in divorce law and nuclear family expectations (or lack there of I should say). Now people can just break up for what ever reasons and put the kids lives into turmoil, this is most often seen on the female side, it takes 2 to tango but 70% of divorces are filed by women. So they got to tango and now they want to tango with someone else even though they made a kid with this guy. I am certainly positive some of these guys are dirt bags and deserve to loose their woman but the problem is there is no longer a legal compulsion to prove he is in fact a dirt bag in order to collect child support monies. If a woman or man leaves without a good reason and takes the kid/s then there lives should be hard and the innocent party should get to start over fresh.
Why should the wronged party who was left high and dry now have to start writing checks on top of it while they are trying to date and put their lives back together.
The easy divorce, easy break ups pass go and collect child support model has created a really antagonistic gender dynamic which is not good.
There isn't always a "wronged" party. Most divorces are not due to cheating but just 2 people growing apart. You can't go by who files anyway. Maybe the men don't get divorced because they'd rather stay married and have a piece on the side, and the woman files when she finds out, for all you know.
Why is it that everyone gets fired up about single moms collecting welfare or government assistance, but no one gets fired up when the same mom can't collect child support?
We seem to be directing our anger at the wrong issue. I am a firm believer that if they fix the child support system we will see great improvement in the welfare system.
Why do they not do more to collect support from dead beats? Why are the tax payers not pushing for child support enforcement to collect these bad debts?
While there is tough child support enforcement in many states, in general government enforcement efforts are focused on making government bigger and richer--taking money from taxpayer and adding more onerous regulations are about the only things government does efficiently. Government really doesn't care when citizens get ripped off; in fact, more single mothers is exactly what government wants--justification for higher taxes.
Aside from that, you are right that people like me care MUCH more about welfare costs than failure to pay child support--it is simply human nature to focus on the things that directly affect you. Increasing welfare costs pretty much ALWAYS means higher taxes on you as a taxpayer, while increasing numbers of mothers that don't get child support may or may not result in higher taxes (some single mothers earn enough money to support their children).
In other words, I know higher welfare costs will cost me money, while not getting child support is primarily the mother's problem.
Yea but why does he have a piece on the side? Because there are no legal compulsions or standards of what is wrong it just becomes a fleecing. If he has a piece on the side because she put on 10 lbs then that needs to be sorted out in court if its because she became cold and frigid or dug in her heels about sex then that's another issue. Guys might have a piece on the side because she has become a harpy but he knows its going to be too expensive to leave. There are a hand full of circumstances but there should be some legal standards so that when a root cause analysis is done the true party at fault is the one that has the degraded quality of life and not just the NCP. And there is always a party more at fault than the other, claiming that its always 50/50 is like saying that when you flip a coin it lands on its side fairly often when we all know is not true.
I am absolutely not saying cheating should be the only factor but the courts should at least be making sure its not trivial reasons.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
There isn't always a "wronged" party. Most divorces are not due to cheating but just 2 people growing apart. You can't go by who files anyway. Maybe the men don't get divorced because they'd rather stay married and have a piece on the side, and the woman files when she finds out, for all you know.
Last edited by pittsflyer; 02-01-2016 at 04:15 PM..
More guys are fleeing the country when this scenario occurs which I applaud. As long as the guy is making modest payments no other country on the planet will extradite. Only if you are paying 0 will the host nation crack down. No other country on earth has such draconian child support laws as the USA other than Canada and the UK that I know of.
I would rather see guys leave than kill themselves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caleb Longstreet
Eau Contraire, I'm fired up.....let's just make sure this "child support" actually goes to the child and not her newest boyfriend(s)....many a man sits broken financially eating peanut butter while Barbie buys a new SUV every three years off the old man's "child support" while living with her new boyfriend who has a steady job.....
Support? Definitely......financial subsidy? Not a f'in chance.....the laws should be just as tough on THAT!
But yes, dodge your payment, go to jail...seems fair.....just curious, does any guy who is awarded custody get child support from a mom?
I think widows and orphans should get the full extent of welfare and I have no problems with my tax monies paying for that.
The problem is the majority of cases these days are hocie mammas swinging vine to vine. I mean seriously how many times do you hear about guys that struggle to date after a break up vs how fast a woman will have a man (if she wants one) after a break up. Women are at a huge advantage in the dating market AND if there are kids they get to cash out with the ex as well, there is almost no down side for a decent looking woman.
I don't want to pay for or support that kind of behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NHartphotog
While there is tough child support enforcement in many states, in general government enforcement efforts are focused on making government bigger and richer--taking money from taxpayer and adding more onerous regulations are about the only things government does efficiently. Government really doesn't care when citizens get ripped off; in fact, more single mothers is exactly what government wants--justification for higher taxes.
Aside from that, you are right that people like me care MUCH more about welfare costs than failure to pay child support--it is simply human nature to focus on the things that directly affect you. Increasing welfare costs pretty much ALWAYS means higher taxes on you as a taxpayer, while increasing numbers of mothers that don't get child support may or may not result in higher taxes (some single mothers earn enough money to support their children).
In other words, I know higher welfare costs will cost me money, while not getting child support is primarily the mother's problem.
Says the girl who has said she has a weight problem(overweight) that wants people to understand and accept her weight and health problem even though it is unhealthy and a drain on our society it is perfectly okay and should not be scrutinized because it's not fair. Hey your body you can be very overweight and suffer the health consequences which taxpayers also will pay so I guess it's fair too, to ask you to use your brain and be healthier? Im tired of seeing people have excuses for why they can't lose weight and be healthier(which you've made in other threads about weight).
Says the Christian that consistently talks about her faith but makes negative unchristian-like comments? Okay yep, your opinion while semi-accurate is amusing based on the above. See how that works?
Oh, and a man who sleeps with a woman and gets her pregnant has a responsibility to the child he helped create, it is her body, but it's his p**** and if he chooses to not wrap it up then he must be prepared to man up and do his part in taking care of the creation. A woman can give life, but this does not mean that if she decides to give it that a man can walk away despite helping create it because he does not want to take care of his respinsibilities. It is not limited to just a woman in the creation process so there is no way that it should be limited to just a woman caring for her baby financially when another person was an equal participant(whether he is man enough to admit it). Shoddy man or not, poor choice in man or not, it is not solely a woman that creates a child. Therefore if neither wanted a financial responsibility for 18 years both needed to take the appropriate measures to prevent it-thus the very idea that a baby is created means that neither person took appropriate measures and that they both are now responsibile to that child, and yes that means financially. And yes that means that a man should not be able to walk away financially and claim he was trapped.
The only place I agree with you is that it is a woman's body and it is her choice to bring that life to essence or to abort it. Thus the real iota to avoid 18 years of deadbeat parenting is to be smart about who she chooses to procreate with or once she knows she got pregnant by a deadbeat to give it up for adoption or abort. However, if she is not smart about it, this does not mean that if she is morally against abortion and chooses to bring that child into the world that the man can walk away from what he helped create and that now it is all on her-leaving her to a life of financial struggles when he helped create the child too. He does not get to not be responsible solely because it's "her body" not when a dependent baby is involved who needs both parents. It is partially the asinine logic that you spouted that a man should not have such a responsibility that has led to millions of men deciding to walk away financially as deadbeats. thankfully you only represent a segment of female millennials
I'm a female millennial too and here's my input:
Op you did procreate with your sons father and did so hopefully knowing the type of man he is, no he should not be able to be a dead beat while you struggle to provide for your son, but you need to own up to the fact that you chose this deadbeat as a father and that this means that at some point you must accept that this poor decision has unfortunately resulted in him getting away with not helping you financially when you need it desperately to provide for your son. This decision will impact you until your son is 18, and while you should continue to pursue child support and whatever you can to get him to contribute as he should, you must find a way to better your own financial situation so that without his child support you are not struggling in such a way that you are. For instance you say you only make 30k a year, that is barely enough for a single person, let alone a mother with two kids. It is partially, because you are low income that not getting child support places you in such a dire position--I say partially because the other "part" is that yes it is also true that if he were giving you child support as he should that you and your children would be far better financially.
I do get regular child support from my ex, and he tends to give me more than what is necessary because though he was shoddy to me as a man, he is not that way toward our son. However without his child support I would still be fine because I have made decisions before having my son(getting a college education and starting a career) and continue to progress(graduating with masters in May and have consistently pursued career avenues that pay more) that have made it so that even if my ex stopped helping me, we would be ok. I suppose I also have the advantage that I come from an upper middle class background so I have family that helps financially and ensures that I would not rely on such a broken system such as public welfare.
Unfortunately like public education, the child support system is broken and needs work. Relying on such, places you in an awful position and for that I am sorry. I still think you should try your best to progress financially and even seek continuing education classes or certificates to be in a better position but that's up to you. It is not right that your ex is getting away with not helping you. It is also is unfair that people judge you so harshly for relying on assistance when it's the only way you can care for your children. What's even more baffling is that welfare makes up a small amount in our overall budget thus the amount the taxpayers pay for it is minimal compared to other things and yet people fixate on it as if it's the only thing that adds up in the amount we pay as taxes.
Oh well.
Sorry op, once again, I do wish you luck in your situation.
The problem is the majority of cases these days are hocie mammas swinging vine to vine. I mean seriously how many times do you hear about guys that struggle to date after a break up vs how fast a woman will have a man (if she wants one) after a break up. Women are at a huge advantage in the dating market AND if there are kids they get to cash out with the ex as well, there is almost no down side for a decent looking woman.
I don't want to pay for or support that kind of behavior.[/quote]
Lol, you're trying to get at me, aren't you? For the record, once I figured out what my health issue is my weight got under control. I'm very proactive in losing my excess weight. As far as I'm concerned, I never used the government to finance my medical expenses.
Please quote the parts where I stated things that weren't Christian-like (because I don't see it). I stated my opinion. I stated common excuses that women give for picking the wrong guy.
Oh and the woman laid on her back with her legs in the air accepting his raw p****. Why should I be forced to finance someone's poor relationship decisions? I willingly make donations to people's hardships (i.e. GoFundMe). It may not be a woman's sole responsibility in the creation of the child, but the majority of the time, unwed mothers are supporting their children on their own. It's not my fault that she was naïve enough to allow a loser/a*shole to impregnant her.
It doesn't matter...if they agreed as a couple that she would forgo a career in order to raise the children, then of course he must be responsible for the repurcussions of that decision if the marriage doesn't work. Do I think in any cases the courts are biased and men get the shaft much of the time? I do...but ending the child support requirement is not the solution.
But what if they both based their economic assumptions on a bigger income than they could earn jointly. Often love dies when money flies.
My personal belief is that no woman should get pregnant unless they could afford to raise their child by themselves with absolutely no assistance at all. Besides divorce, the father could die in a car accident for crying out loud. Women need to get some personal responsibility. And yes, I am a woman.
Not a bad outlook. I didn't want to bother with child support because I knew my ex wouldn't pay anyway. Why waste the time. I had been supporting us and could continue to do so. The lawyer said it wasn't my choice--the state requires it. So they told him to pay $50 a week, which he paid sporadically. I considered it a bonus if I got anything from him. Eventually as he pulled himself together a bit and realized he had to work because no one was going to support him anymore I started asking for a contribution to big-ticket items like her braces. He bitched and moaned, of course, but he would toss me something because he knew I could have dragged his cheap butt to court.
But I didn't pursue it. Just getting rid of him and his costly bad habits was a financial improvement.
I think people don't care about child support enforcement because they do hear stories of people who DO have it enforced, but I've known plenty of women who didn't get child support and had no recourse because the guy was a loser or had money but hid assets so he didn't have to pay.
*Sigh* and you did not know he was an untreated bipolar when you chose to have kids with him? Again take responsibility op for your role in this situation you are not completely innocent here-you did have a child with him and if he was untreated for as long as you say I find it hard to believe he didn't do anything at all for a long time, and then as soon as you got pregnant all h*** broke lose and it's been crazy ever since unless you were together for only a year prior to getting pregnant, it's difficult to completely believe that he was unmedicated with you for longer than a year without showing signs of his condition, the criteria for bipolar qualifies that there are episodes that occur within a given year to be diagnosed with the condition. Now if he was untreated then there is a slim chance that he did not show signs of this condition for years prior to the pregnancy then suddenly he did and it never went away-you were with him for years so you knew on some level that he was not perfect.
This does not mean that you deserve to not get child support and that he isnt a pos. It only means that you must figure out a way to make better decisions in the future so that you can progress the way you need to. It's evident from your threads that you blame everything on things outside of yourself and refuse to admit when you could do something to get different results-this really keeps you from moving forward imo.
I agree with your last sentence and I think you should continue to fight for child support. As for being fine without it, in many threads you talk about being broke and have financial issues and 30k is far from fine for a family of three-isn't that close to the poverty level? But I will take your word for it.
I don't think people should judge people as harshly as they do, who use public assistance especially if they really need it and add working, and working to improve their situation-i always think of the children. It is not the children's fault they were brought into the world in harsh circumstances that warrants the need for public welfare to help them(the kids) I would rather pay that in taxes than for wars which I do not support and which have not really benefited us or our children at all. Seems like people rarely think about the kids that are completely dependent and need the help of tax payers because their parents made mistakes-they look down on the parents but forget that unfortunately there are children's lives that would be impacted even more if not for that assistance.
Just my thoughts.
Nope, I had no idea that he was mentally off until I was pregnant and he went off in a big way. We had lived together right around a year when I got pregnant. He has still not been formally diagnosed but all signs point to bipolar. CPS caseworkers agreed he is crazy and narcissistic. He needs medication. I tried getting him into treatment and one of his women since me, tried to get him help but he refuses to go.
I get along with all my exes. Even exes from 20 years ago. I am not the problem. I am just not a miracle worker. Him leaving us was a blessing. I only wish he would completely remove himself from our lives.
I don't blame him, nor do I really hate him. I am just completely over his never ending nonsense.
Last edited by LowonLuck; 02-01-2016 at 07:06 PM..
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