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Perhaps I'm just overly mature for my age, but as a 22-year-old would someone please explain to me the "allure" of getting intoxicated a few nights a week with a group of people, annoying others in your vicinity, throwing up, and then waking up the next morning with a hangover? Can someone also please explain to me why those of us who try NOT to drink are immediately ostracized for our decision, nagged to death in order to change our mind, OR are excluded from future social gatherings because we're "no fun?"
I suppose I should also supplement this with some background information. I am an auditor for the Federal government who has just returned from two weeks of mandatory training in Memphis, Tennessee. Besides the time dedicated to our classwork and commutes between campus and our hotel (roughly 7:15 AM-4:45 PM Monday-Friday) we were otherwise left to our own devices to mingle with over three dozen other classmates. Despite my somewhat confrontational aura exhibited here on City-Data I usually have no problem striking up random conversations with people, getting people to laugh, and generally just try to be as outgoing as I can to expand my social network. I even had a small circle of "friends-to-be" waiting to welcome me to my new hometown in Northern Virginia because I had tracked down people with similar interests ahead of time on social networking sites on the Internet.
Anyhow, much of the free time for most of the other auditors my age consisted of booze, booze, and more booze. For people who whine about being on a "tight budget," I was actually very dismayed by how much money they were tossing around left and right going out to eat every other night and drinking nearly every night. Since we are given a daily per diem for meals I instead decided to try to be as frugal as possible most of the time, eating sparingly, and then using the remainder of my per diem balance to help pay household bills my base salary barely covers. However, I did go out on several occasions, only to feel very much like an "outcast" as much of the conversations inevitably revolved around who did what more foolishly when they were drunk. As the days wore on and people formed closer bonds as "drinking buddies" I continued to become more depressed, feeling like a total "outsider."
Finally I decided to accompany some of them one night to do some stupid drinking games back in one of their hotel rooms. Before I had finished my second drink my stomach was feeling very sour, so I went over to get some water from the faucet and was chastised for "cheating." I explained that I just wanted to let my stomach calm down a bit, but then I just wound up leaving in the end after I was told I could no longer play because I wasn't going to get drunk.
The reality finally sunk in today at the Memphis airport when I was standing with my arms folded at the sidelines as many of my peers were tearfully hugging one another, high-fiving, chest-bumping, joking around, etc. as they said their good-byes as barely one person even acknowledged me. The problem is that this isn't a singular occurrence. This happens OFTEN to me on various occasions in which I become very tense because I'm generally NOT comfortable around people who derive pleasure from getting drunk but also fear becoming a social reject myself for NOT caving into peer pressure like the rest of the sorry lot who think they are being "funny" or "cool" when they are being obnoxiously loud in public and offending others nearby.
Is there really a "solution" here, or am I just a misfit because I don't think it's "like totally awesome" to "get wasted" all the time?
I'm not following the whole debate but I can say that anyone who needs to get drunk to be your friend, is not your friend. People have few friends. If you need to drink to be interesting or make friends you must be incredibly boring as a person that you need to dumb down your brain just to get people to like you. I must admit that i am slightly guilt y of this my self. I drink as a social thing, mostly because it makes me more outgoing and social and allows me to meet mor epeople i would normally be too shy to talk to on my own. Also it does wonders on getting me girl friends. I get 60% of my girl friends while drunk, because I don't really believe half the things I say when I am drunk, or your so beautiful, your the best girl i ever seen, come on and dance, i want to be with you on a beatufil beache with the wind blowing through our hair and just stay their forever and so on. I just don't have the courage to tells those lies when I am sober.
Social drinking with colleagues dulls the fact that you otherwise can barely stand each other.
I love this! I'd rep you if I could.
And yes, thinking back long ago to my drinking days...my 'friends' at the time were not really my friends at all, just simply drinking buddies. And when we were sober, we had nothing to say to each other. Those were actually very lonely times for me, and I won't get into the reasons of drowning everything in alcohol, but bottom line is that it accomplished absolutely nothing for me.
Now, I'll drink an occassional glass of wine every three or four months. A Bloody Mary once a year or so. An exception is when I visit my Russian family for holidays; it's tradition that vodka is drank. But I always sip it slowly and limit my intake because my body can't handle alcohol the way it once did. I haven't been 'drunk' in years and it holds no appeal to me. I suppose I've matured a bit. What's sad is there are people I know, people my age and older, who still brag about going out and getting 'wasted' every night and then come into work late and hungover. And working midnight shift, I deal with plenty of drunk slobbering idiots. No thanks.
I realize this is an old post, but OP, if those 'friends' of yours are shunning you because you don't care to drink then they're not really your friends. And there are young people whose lives don't revolve around getting hammered every weekend.
The OP was to question why it was important to "Drink" to fit in Socially. Fitting in is a skill we begin to learn in preschool and hone throughout our lives. Drinking has nothing to do with fitting in.... Developing skills such as tact, interpersonal and conflict resolution does.
Some future career advice for you... Your hope was to "fit in" and I am glad to hear it because it is a vital skill if you hope to be successful in the real world. It is not a requirment that you drink but, as with any job, you will be observed as to your ability to fit in and function as part of a team. If you can't find a solution to such a small thing as "I don't drink" therefore "I can't be accepted" by this obviously hard partying group....you will be considered a loner and not a terrific team player - nothing to do with if you drink or not but HOW YOU HANDLE the situation. It can be done with tact and grace. I suggest you use this group to get some practice in.
I have been in many environments (conferences, trainings etc) where most of the extracurricular activities involved eating and drinking - fact of life. The older people were sometimes the most active. Many people chose not to drink - they didn't make a big deal of it but, they did put in an appearance....This is the vital point to fitting in. If you leave early - don't announce that it is because of their behaviour or the fact that you have an upset stomach from drinking- just say you aren't feeling well, you're tired or you have to take an early call. When they are discussing last night antics - just laugh as loud as the rest of them - you actually could use the fact that you weren't there as a tool to be the center of attention as you are the one to which they are telling the story. All you need is a couple of hours of interaction and you will be remembered as an OK person, as opposed to the "stick in the mud".
Perhaps I'm just overly mature for my age, but as a 22-year-old would someone please explain to me the "allure" of getting intoxicated a few nights a week with a group of people, annoying others in your vicinity, throwing up, and then waking up the next morning with a hangover? Can someone also please explain to me why those of us who try NOT to drink are immediately ostracized for our decision, nagged to death in order to change our mind, OR are excluded from future social gatherings because we're "no fun?"
I suppose I should also supplement this with some background information. I am an auditor for the Federal government who has just returned from two weeks of mandatory training in Memphis, Tennessee. Besides the time dedicated to our classwork and commutes between campus and our hotel (roughly 7:15 AM-4:45 PM Monday-Friday) we were otherwise left to our own devices to mingle with over three dozen other classmates. Despite my somewhat confrontational aura exhibited here on City-Data I usually have no problem striking up random conversations with people, getting people to laugh, and generally just try to be as outgoing as I can to expand my social network. I even had a small circle of "friends-to-be" waiting to welcome me to my new hometown in Northern Virginia because I had tracked down people with similar interests ahead of time on social networking sites on the Internet.
Anyhow, much of the free time for most of the other auditors my age consisted of booze, booze, and more booze. For people who whine about being on a "tight budget," I was actually very dismayed by how much money they were tossing around left and right going out to eat every other night and drinking nearly every night. Since we are given a daily per diem for meals I instead decided to try to be as frugal as possible most of the time, eating sparingly, and then using the remainder of my per diem balance to help pay household bills my base salary barely covers. However, I did go out on several occasions, only to feel very much like an "outcast" as much of the conversations inevitably revolved around who did what more foolishly when they were drunk. As the days wore on and people formed closer bonds as "drinking buddies" I continued to become more depressed, feeling like a total "outsider."
Finally I decided to accompany some of them one night to do some stupid drinking games back in one of their hotel rooms. Before I had finished my second drink my stomach was feeling very sour, so I went over to get some water from the faucet and was chastised for "cheating." I explained that I just wanted to let my stomach calm down a bit, but then I just wound up leaving in the end after I was told I could no longer play because I wasn't going to get drunk.
The reality finally sunk in today at the Memphis airport when I was standing with my arms folded at the sidelines as many of my peers were tearfully hugging one another, high-fiving, chest-bumping, joking around, etc. as they said their good-byes as barely one person even acknowledged me. The problem is that this isn't a singular occurrence. This happens OFTEN to me on various occasions in which I become very tense because I'm generally NOT comfortable around people who derive pleasure from getting drunk but also fear becoming a social reject myself for NOT caving into peer pressure like the rest of the sorry lot who think they are being "funny" or "cool" when they are being obnoxiously loud in public and offending others nearby.
Is there really a "solution" here, or am I just a misfit because I don't think it's "like totally awesome" to "get wasted" all the time?
I think a lot of people that are drinking around someone who is not feel like they are being judged by the non drinker. But for more than just being drunk and stupid at the moment.
I don't drink either so I understand where you are coming from. I think the last time I had a drink was when I got my masters degree August of last year.
Plus you are the one who will remember every stupid thing they did and can hold it over their head forever!
Honestly, for some people it's a lifestyle. They build everything they do around alcohol. I find that sad, but that's how it is. I wouldn't necessarily call these folks alcoholics, but they are dependent on alcohol, and they certainly have the potential to become alcoholics later on.
I went to the Northern Ohio islands one time, I was excited about taking a day trip to get out of my college town and get a break. I was looking forward to maybe meeting interesting people or doing something different.
I was completely surprised - shellshocked might be the word - that when I got across the ferry, that basically the only activity that went on at the island was drinking. Bars were full in the middle of the day, and this wasn't "short phase of one's life" college drinking -- these were all middle-age and older adults. People who looked like moms and dads and aunts and uncles -- basically getting blitzed and becoming boors. It wasn't casual drinking going on.
Up until this I had seen the occasional family with an alcoholic dad or mom, but I had never seen an entire island full of adults on an alcohol binge.
I'm really not against a good time, a night out, spring break, college drinking, or honestly I'm not even a supporter of the 21 law. But to see the magnitude of American alcohol culture on that island was just mindblowing. I still don't really know what to make of it.
I went to the Northern Ohio islands one time, I was excited about taking a day trip to get out of my college town and get a break. I was looking forward to maybe meeting interesting people or doing something different.
I was completely surprised - shellshocked might be the word - that when I got across the ferry, that basically the only activity that went on at the island was drinking. Bars were full in the middle of the day, and this wasn't "short phase of one's life" college drinking -- these were all middle-age and older adults. People who looked like moms and dads and aunts and uncles -- basically getting blitzed and becoming boors. It wasn't casual drinking going on.
Up until this I had seen the occasional family with an alcoholic dad or mom, but I had never seen an entire island full of adults on an alcohol binge.
I'm really not against a good time, a night out, spring break, college drinking, or honestly I'm not even a supporter of the 21 law. But to see the magnitude of American alcohol culture on that island was just mindblowing. I still don't really know what to make of it.
This sounds like the perfect place for me to live.
I went to the Northern Ohio islands one time, I was excited about taking a day trip to get out of my college town and get a break. I was looking forward to maybe meeting interesting people or doing something different.
I was completely surprised - shellshocked might be the word - that when I got across the ferry, that basically the only activity that went on at the island was drinking. Bars were full in the middle of the day, and this wasn't "short phase of one's life" college drinking -- these were all middle-age and older adults. People who looked like moms and dads and aunts and uncles -- basically getting blitzed and becoming boors. It wasn't casual drinking going on.
Up until this I had seen the occasional family with an alcoholic dad or mom, but I had never seen an entire island full of adults on an alcohol binge.
I'm really not against a good time, a night out, spring break, college drinking, or honestly I'm not even a supporter of the 21 law. But to see the magnitude of American alcohol culture on that island was just mindblowing. I still don't really know what to make of it.
Is it that Jobbie Noober fest or whatever? I heard they've been trying to get it shut down because of all the problems with the idiots that party there (rampant debauchery, massive littering of the waters and the beaches, people drinking and driving their boats and causing accidents, people drowning...). I've never been there because it's not my kind of scene, but I hear it's a real cesspool.
I think many young people drink to 'fit in with the herd.' It's the common denominator of socializing.
Many social activities revolve around pubs, bars, events that involve drinking. I know I was that way in my 20's though my 30's..and maybe beyond, though my capacity and desir to get wrecked sure slowed down.
To be different, to stand out from the herd, was hard to do--the peer pressure was enormous...and so we avoid that being 'the other' at all costs. When we're younger, we're very much herd or pack creatures.
However, I think that's changing today. Many people are more health-aware.
What if someone, who preferred not to drink just said, "I don't drink; I'm allergic to alcohol." "Or one drink makes me hurl." Or "why don't I drink?" "Why do you drink?"
I dunno. I admire people who dare to be different. I suspect, with a little investigation, anyone can find kindred spirits who don't want to put fluids in their bodies that impair their judgment, can make them feel sick, and add needless calories while costing money that could be spent on other things...
Many outdoor enthusiasts or vegetarians, athletes, dancers or other holistically-oriented people may be disinclined to drink much--or at all.
Frankly, I've great admiration for anyone who chooses the road not taken and directs their lives in ways they wish to rather than following the crowd. You're called a leader.
But stay humble and modest and don't look down on others' paths, either. For some, it's just a passage they go through before maturing to moderation--or non-consumption. You got there sooner.
theres nothing admirable about TRYING to be different, you either are or aren't. the ones that pursue individualism are usually the least interesting.
as ive said, only kids really worry about what their peers think. growing up means not worrying. Worrying about what others think at 22, is pretty immature for that age.
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As the days wore on and people formed closer bonds as "drinking buddies" I continued to become more depressed, feeling like a total "outsider." 
