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I can relate to our animals missing their owners. We/I have 2 little dogs, Scooter (Dachshund) and Maggie (Min. Pinscher).
Jim used to go to bed before me, and about an hour later I would say to the dogs, "Let's go pee pee." They ALWAYS went in to Jim's room, got up on his bedside, and told him goodnight. They did it without fail, every single night. Tails wagging......always wagging to see Daddy.
After he passed away, for the next 3 weeks or so, when it was time to go outside at night, they would go into his empty room and look for him. It broke my heart to watch them do that. Then they would turn around and go to the door to be let outside. They remembered how they loved to do that as they always wagged their tails when they saw him.
Now, whenever I am crying, they come get up in my lap, to comfort me. I know they know that he is gone and I am missing him. Their routines have been disrupted just like mine. They are smart, sensitive and caring....and a godsend for me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have those little guys with me.
Tami, YES, Avalon's in NJ and I think I was living at the "Joisey shore" when I created the name...lol.
Breaks my hearts to hear about the pets missing their daddies. I know my one dog gets all excited when I mention my son's name, starts looking around and runs to his room. I try not to say it unless he is, in fact, coming home. It's fun to see how he recognizes my son's name....but I don't want to tease him.
They have no idea who "Mommy" is, though, even though I refer to myself all the time as Mommy. Guess I would need someone else here calling me that.
o, I set up the VCR and was looking at tapes I was going to transfer to CD on the computer. A scene came up where Bob was talking to the camera and playing around with the dog, saying her name and calling her. She came running in from the other room when she heard his voice, and started circling the TV trying to find him.
Oh, how sad. Every now and then the cats will go into my husband's office and look around; in the months right after he died, they would walk around the house looking for him, and they'd look so sad and confused when they couldn't find him.
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Originally Posted by Pikantari
I think animals CAN feel or tell when there is something the matter with us, and I think they also can feel grief and loss.
I've been a member of City Data for four years and usually hang around the Washington state page, but decided to branch out a bit and was pleased to find this forum. I didn't realize it was so new.
I've read everyone's story and can relate to some of the feelings and experiences. At the moment my mom is in late stages of Alzheimers and is in Hospice care, although she is still at home. My stepdad has done such a great job caring for her, the Hospice staff decided that Mom would be more comfortable at home. I was sure we were doing to loose her this past summer, she had stopped talking and even acknowledging when someone talked to her, she had a feeding tube and needed help with all of her personal needs. I hoped she would live until Sept for their 40th wedding anniversary and then November 11th which was her 83rd birthday. She made it to both. I called (I live in Washington and they live in California) on her birthday and was surprised and amazed that she was talking and laughing and seem to indicate she even knew who I was. I know she doesn't have much time left and I'm trying to prepare myself for that.
My dad is still alive and well, and very healthy, so losing my mom will be my first parent to die.
Sadly, we lost our daughter in 2000. Courtney was 16 and was a junior in high school and died on Sept 14, 2000. She went in to take a shower while getting ready for school and never came out. I found her floating face down on the bathtub. It took a long time to get a diagnosis about what caused her death, but it most likely was an undiagnosed heart problem.
My husband and I had a hard time dealing with her death. She died two weeks after our son had left for college and it suddenly felt like we had an empty nest two years before we expected. I had a hard enough time when my son left for college, I cried for three days. But when my daughter died, I didn't think I would survive.
Both my husband and I ended up on anxiety meds, anti-depressants and sleeping pills. A year after she died, we moved to the property that we had originally bought for a vacation home. I had retired three months before Courtney died, mostly due to health problems and DH took a leave of absence after her death and then retired the following year. We moved to the new property and built our dream house. We had Courtney buried here (which is about 100 miles north of where we lived when she died). Our son had gone to the other side of the state for college and ended up staying there. Since then, he's gotten married and become a stepdad to his wife's three children, whom have become our grandchildren. But we don't get to see them very often.
We've lived in this little town now for 11 years, I've tried making friends, but it hasn't been easy. I joined Compassionate Friends but felt very out of place. Everyone there were Christians who are very depended on their faith and I couldn't relate to that. It's not that I don't have any faith, it's just that mine is different.
I joined an online group, but had the same problem in that group. I even had people tell me that the reason my daughter died was because I wasn't a Christian. That didn't help much.
I'm not sure this is the right place for me either. But I thought I'd give it try.
I'm not sure this is the right place for me either. But I thought I'd give it try.
Eponabri, welcome to the group you never wanted to be a member of. I hope this forum will provide you some hope and healing as you deal with your mom and continue to miss your daughter. My sympathy to you - I'm so sorry doesn't seem to carry a lot of weight, but it's all I know to say
We try to keep this forum very supportive and nonjudgmental. There are people of great faith, people whose faith is wavering, and all manner of folks in various stages of grief and coping and loss. But everyone here will be more than happy to help you in any way possible and let you just talk it out if you need to. Also, there is a Caregiving forum where you can discuss the day-to-day needs of your mom and dad if you'd like.
This is a very warm forum and the members are close-knit. Please make yourself at home - read or comment if you'd like, but know that everyone is here for YOU in whatever way you need.
Eponabri, welcome to the group you never wanted to be a member of. I hope this forum will provide you some hope and healing as you deal with your mom and continue to miss your daughter. My sympathy to you - I'm so sorry doesn't seem to carry a lot of weight, but it's all I know to say
We try to keep this forum very supportive and nonjudgmental. There are people of great faith, people whose faith is wavering, and all manner of folks in various stages of grief and coping and loss. But everyone here will be more than happy to help you in any way possible and let you just talk it out if you need to. Also, there is a Caregiving forum where you can discuss the day-to-day needs of your mom and dad if you'd like.
This is a very warm forum and the members are close-knit. Please make yourself at home - read or comment if you'd like, but know that everyone is here for YOU in whatever way you need.
Thank you, your welcome helped more than you'll ever know. I'm not sure the caregiving site would be any help for me. I'm not directly involved with my mom's care, in fact I haven't seen her in 7 years.
I've had cancer three times in the past six years, so travel has been difficult for me, and now my husband is having some health issues as well.
I have talked to my stepdad about what will happen after my mom dies and they had decided years ago that there would be no funeral and she would be cremated. He's left it up to us kids about what to do with her ashes. I'm not very close to my sister and brother and I don't want to make waves, so I told my sister whatever they decided I would go along with.
Welcome, eponabri. I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's passing and your mom's impending death. (((HUGS))) Yes, this is a place you don't want to be but you need to be. Sam is right, we have all grown close to one another and we like each other. LOL, I assume we do! We reach out and "touch" anyone who is/has lost a loved one and needs someone to talk to and share their grief. I know this place was a life saver for me. It feels so good in here. Please feel free to post anytime about anything. We are all in this together.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Hi, eponabri! Yes, this is a club none of us chose to join. I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter's passing and your mom's decline. I can't say I know how you feel, because I haven't lost a child, but I do know how deep and painful grief and loss are.
Yes, we do like each other. There are so many different people with so many tragic stories, but we all have loss, grief and pain in common which can be a strong bond. Please, feel free to post all you want, we will all be here for you.
Welcome eponabri. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter, and now your mom's failing health. Believe me, you have come to the right place for understanding and support.
I ditto that we all like each other! We have posted our stories, struggles, stumbles and thoughts, without fear of ridicule or judgment. We give each other love and comfort, and it has truly been a lifesaver for me.
I have lost both of my parents, and on 4-1-12 lost my husband of 32 years. I have since been adopted by some wonderful friends into their family, joined their church and have gotten so much support from the people there. My work offers counseling that I never took advantage of because, I didn't want to travel 40 miles to see someone, and I didn't know them or their philosophies.
I used to hang out at the Retirement forum because, at age 63, I really am hoping to retire someday. Then, thanks to Sam I Am and Keeper, this life-saving forum was created. It's amazing and comforting (at least to me) to see how many people needed this forum and the activity there is. Yes, we have become close and amazing cyber friends, and I truly can say I don't know where I would be today without it. Putting my thoughts down in writing has been good therapy for me, and I cannot tell you how good it is to hear that others experience the same feelings. It is the best counseling (other than my wonderful Pastor) that I could ever hope for.
We all have the same need, and like I said before, it is understanding and support.
I was my husband's caregiver as his health declined (he had COPD and severe emphysema), as well as work 30 hours per week. That was a tremendous burden on him, but also on me to see him decline. My dad lived 8 years after my mom died and finally went to a nursing home, where he passed away. He was all alone when he died as he died peacefully in his sleep. I felt like an ophan (this was in 2008), having lost both parents, but at least I had my husband. Then when he passed away this year, I really felt alone.
I am making it one day at a time, trying to make a new life for myself. I hope you will come here often and let us know how you are doing. We all care for each other and just that alone helps me each day.
eponabri, forgot to mention.....there is another lady that posts on this forum who lives in Sequim. I've heard it's a beautiful place. Are you planning on staying there?
I used to live in Olympia and have also lived in Hoquiam. I have a sister living in Montesano, and my daughter lives in Tacoma. My daughter would like nothing more than for me to move back up there. But the cost of living in WA versus TN....it's so much cheaper here in TN. Think I'm going to stay put. We/I've been here 6 years and this is home. But if I ever did consider moving back to WA, it would probably be Sequim.
Just thought I'd add that valuable bit of information!!
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Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We reach out and "touch" anyone who is/has lost a loved one and needs someone to talk to and share their grief. I know this place was a life saver for me. It feels so good in here. Please feel free to post anytime about anything. We are all in this together.
There are so many different people with so many tragic stories, but we all have loss, grief and pain in common which can be a strong bond. Please, feel free to post all you want, we will all be here for you.
