Quote:
Originally Posted by SunGrins
Be happy with those that came or made an expression of sympathy. This is not a time to check off names or keep count. Some people just can't do funerals. Some are sick themselves or have obligations that keep them away. Their absence is not an event worth noting and doesn't mean they don't feel your loss.
On the other hand... when my wife died I wrote letters to some long distance friends who would not have heard. I got responses from only one person and I expected more than that.
|
First off, sorry for the loss of your wife.
But AGAIN(this has already been stated) it's not about keeping track or a head count. It's about the hurt and shock of not hearing anything from people you thought would have contacted you.
You also contradicted yourself, because you were hurt that you only heard back from one person.
Again, it's not a numbers game, it's the hurt of not hearing anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avalon08
Well, if I can chime in, I think your post is kind of contradictory.
I completely understand Seain's feelings. It is not about "keeping count" or being angry. Just as you expected to hear back from those to whom you wrote about your wife's death, he expected to hear something (anything) from his Dad's FOUR long-time buddies. I don't think he should be called selfish for being hurt about that, nor should he be lectured about how he SHOULD feel or given platitudes about watching a sunset and getting over it. This is a place where we can talk about our losses, our grief, our feelings -- good, bad or indifferent. Lord knows we don't need to be made to feel any worse than we already feel about our loss. And this constant mention of "keeping count" or making us feel bad for noticing we didn't hear from a particular person, implying that we should be so distraught that those things don't matter, is the type of criticism that a grieving person doesn't need.
|
Thank you Avalon. I spent 3 months packing up the house and getting it ready for sale before I left the area. How nice it would have been to hear from one of these men(who knew me fairly well) and just ask "how are you doing?", "want to have lunch?", something.
Just to show the difference in people, the woman who cut my hair called me to check up on me and have lunch, now this is someone who has 3 young kids, and works full time, but managed to show some kindness. She knew my dad had passed and my mom just the year before.(never met either one)
Yet the older folk, who were retired couldn't be bothered. As I said it is what it is, and the support you get does make up for it, but it's not about a head count, it's about not hearing from people who should at the very least acknowledge the loss to the family.
I agree, people shouldn't be getting attacked on this board(of all boards) for saying how they feel.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
