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Grief stirs up people's own stuff and very few can handle it, death, hence the silence or non-calls. Our culture, as a whole, is very fearful about death so people are just reflecting back what's in our society.
I have a friend who is a great guy, Vietnam war vet, saw heavy combat. He was 3 years younger than me and I've known him all my life.
My mother died and a few days after the funeral he called one night.
He stated he was thinking of me the last few days but did not attend the wake or funeral because when his dad died he had a tough time.
He said.............." I don't handle wakes or funerals very well "
His call that night meant a lot and I will remember that call until the day I die.
That is a perfect example of how someone showed you that they cared even though they had some
difficulty with the funeral..
Its so important to let people know you care somehow..
I have a friend who is a great guy, Vietnam war vet, saw heavy combat. He was 3 years younger than me and I've known him all my life.
My mother died and a few days after the funeral he called one night.
He stated he was thinking of me the last few days but did not attend the wake or funeral because when his dad died he had a tough time.
He said.............." I don't handle wakes or funerals very well "
His call that night meant a lot and I will remember that call until the day I die.
That was a nice thing that your friend did, Teddy. He showed how much he cared. I bet that call was better than if he had shown up to either wake or funeral. You two got to really talk, not just a quick "I'm sorry".
I don't begrudge anyone who didn't call or send a card anymore, the anger is gone, I've moved on. I don't even think about it anymore except for here and it doesn't bother me now. Life is too short to hold stupid grudges against others.
I saw something sad while on the road today, a hearse with no cars following. That was sad to me. That will also be the way my funeral will look. I thought about CA and smilin' too. Oh well, such is life. Let's have a content life while we still are breathing.
I agree with what you wrote. I wish there was more community support. And guaranteed support in families, etc...Personally, I do best when I don't have expectations. (When it comes to support.)...This way, I won't end-up feeling angry or disappointed if I don't have "help." Or don't receive condolences, etc...Guess I've gotten used to "playing soldier" and "going it alone."
Playing soldier and doing it alone rings a familiar tune. No more of that here. We are here to support each other, accept each other, and no more judging or comparing. No more marching alone. Expectations are of yesteryears.
Playing soldier and doing it alone rings a familiar tune. No more of that here. We are here to support each other, accept each other, and no more judging or comparing. No more marching alone. Expectations are of yesteryears.
Onward soldier marches on.
Thanks for your love, caring and support...It would probably be hard for me to stop "playing soldier." It's become my new "way of life!"...I don't feel that anyone else is "responsible" for me today.. It was different when my family members were alive. We were a "team" and all pitched-in and helped each other. (When need be!)...But now, I'm alone. (And the "last one" left!) So I have to be self-reliant...I've had to "grow-up" fast! (To meet all of the challenges!)... It's funny to talk about having to "grow-up" (even more) when I'm on the brink of turning 65 in a few days! But it's true!
I have a friend who is a great guy, Vietnam war vet, saw heavy combat. He was 3 years younger than me and I've known him all my life.
My mother died and a few days after the funeral he called one night.
He stated he was thinking of me the last few days but did not attend the wake or funeral because when his dad died he had a tough time.
He said.............." I don't handle wakes or funerals very well "
His call that night meant a lot and I will remember that call until the day I die.
First off I would like to say it is sad how some people attacked this thread and got so nasty, is there no moderator on here?????
Teddy52, this is exactly what I was talking about, an acknowledgment.
Last night NBC aired a special on JFK. The widow of the Dallas policeman who was shot and killed by Oswald on 11/22/63 was on. For the first time she shared a letter written to her by Jackie Kennedy.
I always thought Mrs. Kennedy was one of our classiest First Ladies but she really shined here. Despite her own grief and the grief of the nation she contacted Mrs. Tippet to say how sorry she was over the loss of HER HUSBAND.
So when people say it makes some "uncomfortable" about death, that is utter nonsense. It isn't about you, it is about the family who suffered the loss.
The same type of people who are too "uncomfortable" to contact the family, are the same type of people who don't bother when someone gets sick or if they get laid off.
Seain, I can't speak to why none of your father's friends for 13-14 years of weekend get-togethers didn't reach out to you but what I can say is that you should be glad your father had them in his life and perhaps just be content with and comforted by that.
My father was a military retiree and I grew up with most of my parents' friends also being military retirees. Many had served with my father in both WW II and Korea. But unfortunately, it turned out that my parents had somehow managed to alienate all those friends one way or another during the 26 years between my father's retirement and both my parents' deaths a year apart. I heard from no one and I'd known these people all my life. The few I was able to get ahold of clearly couldn't have cared less and seemed exasperated with me for bothering them with a phone call informing them. It was very hurtful for me and saddening for my parents' sakes. How lonely they must have been. Now, over 20 years later, it still hurts me that neither of my parents had friends during their last years and I lived hundreds of miles away and say them seldom.
Your father was one of the lucky ones. You should consider yourself to be one as well. You had him and besides you, he had his buddies.
My brother passed away yesterday. My parents and I were supposed to visit my aunt/uncle and my 3 cousins and their wives today for Thanksgiving dinner. But due to my brother's passing, we canceled today. It was the first time in about 25 years that we didn't have Thanksgiving dinner with them. Yesterday my mom told my aunt the bad news, and I'm sure she told my cousins to explain our absence today. I'm friends with my cousins and their wives on Facebook, and I thought I might receive a message from them. Nothing. I guess I'll see if they say anything the next time I see them.
Since you are friends with your cousins on FB, maybe message them and ask if their mother told them of the bad news and then wait to see if you get any responses. They may have not had time to digest the news and message you yet. Or maybe you will see them at the wake or funeral. I hope you hear or see them. (((hugs))) Please let us know.
My brother passed away yesterday. My parents and I were supposed to visit my aunt/uncle and my 3 cousins and their wives today for Thanksgiving dinner. But due to my brother's passing, we canceled today. It was the first time in about 25 years that we didn't have Thanksgiving dinner with them. Yesterday my mom told my aunt the bad news, and I'm sure she told my cousins to explain our absence today. I'm friends with my cousins and their wives on Facebook, and I thought I might receive a message from them. Nothing. I guess I'll see if they say anything the next time I see them.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Maybe they want to give you time or don't know what say.
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No more alone
