Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thank you tamiznluv and glass_of_merlot. It is a unique situation with my brother, because he was born with a serious birth defect and had to live in a facility with other mentally disabled people for most of his life. Because of that, I have lived most of my life almost as if I was an only child, and there will also be no funeral/wake. My cousins may not have ever met him, but I know my aunt knows about him. Surely she must have mentioned him to explain our absence today. Maybe you're right, maybe I should give them more time. Or perhaps due to the fact that they never saw him, and they saw me as if I was an only child, they don't understand my pain.
Thank you tamiznluv and glass_of_merlot. It is a unique situation with my brother, because he was born with a serious birth defect and had to live in a facility with other mentally disabled people for most of his life. Because of that, I have lived most of my life almost as if I was an only child, and there will also be no funeral/wake. My cousins may not have ever met him, but I know my aunt knows about him. Surely she must have mentioned him to explain our absence today. Maybe you're right, maybe I should give them more time. Or perhaps due to the fact that they never saw him, and they saw me as if I was an only child, they don't understand my pain.
That is a different situation, slcity. Perhaps it would be better to reach out to them instead of just waiting for them to make the first move. Again, I am very sorry for your parents' and your loss.
My father lived in a retirement community for about 12 years owned by a organization affiliated with mostly retired military officers and spouses. It was a tight nit community in one building. He was a well respected member of that community. When he passed away I got a call from one of the office staff asking for funeral information because they wanted to schedule one of the buses to shuttle staff and residences to and from the service. The funeral was scheduled several months out because of Arlington National rules. The service was at a local Catholic Church (Falls Church, VA) a short distance from the retirement community (McLean, VA). The burial was at Arlington National Cemetery with full military honors. He was a WW2 combat Vet.
When the day came not one person, staff or resident from that facility came to the funeral. Not one. That was almost three years ago and it still bothers me. Very disappointing.
My father lived in a retirement community for about 12 years owned by a organization affiliated with mostly retired military officers and spouses. It was a tight nit community in one building. He was a well respected member of that community. When he passed away I got a call from one of the office staff asking for funeral information because they wanted to schedule one of the buses to shuttle staff and residences to and from the service. The funeral was scheduled several months out because of Arlington National rules. The service was at a local Catholic Church (Falls Church, VA) a short distance from the retirement community (McLean, VA). The burial was at Arlington National Cemetery with full military honors. He was a WW2 combat Vet.
When the day came not one person, staff or resident from that facility came to the funeral. Not one. That was almost three years ago and it still bothers me. Very disappointing.
I quite understand. It's been over 20 years since my parent's deaths about a year apart and but for my uncle (father's only sibling), his family and my then mother-in-law who had known me and my family since I was six, I heard from no one. It IS disappointing and beyond that, it's painful. Out of sight. Out of mind! But your father's memory lives in you as mine lives in me. We can be comforted by that.
I know that folks have told me they are upset b/c various people never acknowledged a loved one's death, but I never understood why -- especially when the people in question were friends of the deceased and not necessarily friends of any of the deceased's relatives.
Just b/c someone has not written or called -- it doesn't mean they are not mourning the loss - but again . . . why judge?
If you are sure they are aware, then your responsibility to them ends there and really - they have no responsibility at all to acknowledge anything about your loved one dying. Don't mean to sound harsh but . . . these folks are not your friends . . . so why should this bother you?
In western culture at least, it is a social custom for people to express sympathy and support to family of the deceased. At the very least visit the family and as they, "pay your respects" to the family. It was way to show thoughtfulness and sensitivity. I understand why it bothers the OP. Even if the men were friends of the father only, they could show some thoughtfulness towards the survivors in their loss.
I posted a status update on my Facebook a week ago about my brother who passed the day before Thanksgiving. We were supposed to have Thanksgiving dinner at my cousin's (let's call him "Stan") house, but had to cancel.
My other cousin (let's call him "Chris") and his wife both posted comments on my status update giving me their condolences, and we even got a sympathy card in the mail from his wife, so that was nice.
But my cousin Stan and his wife are both on Facebook and they didn't post any comments on my status update or anything. They are the ones who hosted the Thanksgiving dinner so I know they know why we couldn't make it.
Now I just got an email from Stan inviting me to a hockey game with Chris in a few weeks. He did not mention my brother at all in the email or pass on condolences or anything. It's almost like he doesn't know what's going on, when I am sure he knows my brother passed. I find it unbelievable and disappointing he wouldn't say anything about my brother - seems disrespectful. I don't know how I am going to reply to this email.
I posted a status update on my Facebook a week ago about my brother who passed the day before Thanksgiving. We were supposed to have Thanksgiving dinner at my cousin's (let's call him "Stan") house, but had to cancel.
My other cousin (let's call him "Chris") and his wife both posted comments on my status update giving me their condolences, and we even got a sympathy card in the mail from his wife, so that was nice.
But my cousin Stan and his wife are both on Facebook and they didn't post any comments on my status update or anything. They are the ones who hosted the Thanksgiving dinner so I know they know why we couldn't make it.
Now I just got an email from Stan inviting me to a hockey game with Chris in a few weeks. He did not mention my brother at all in the email or pass on condolences or anything. It's almost like he doesn't know what's going on, when I am sure he knows my brother passed. I find it unbelievable and disappointing he wouldn't say anything about my brother - seems disrespectful. I don't know how I am going to reply to this email.
He might not have acknowledged it because he simply doesn't know what to say. Perhaps the invitation was his way of trying to do something nice for you. Some people are just funny that way.
If you want to push the point you might respond that due to the death of your brother you're not really thinking about a hockey game right now, maybe later, and thank him for the invitation. I wouldn't take it any further than that.
He might not have acknowledged it because he simply doesn't know what to say. Perhaps the invitation was his way of trying to do something nice for you. Some people are just funny that way.
I think you're right. We rarely hang out except for family gatherings on holidays, so this is probably his way of saying something. Still, if he doesn't know what to say, it's really easy to copy and paste the "sorry for your loss" or similar that the 10 other people wrote on my status update. There's really no excuse for not mentioning it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
