Who has lost a parent?

[statefan]

I stumbled upon this thread and have cried while reading each and every sad story of loss. For me, it has been been 3 years since the loss of my mother and 4 since the death of daddy. I find it hard to this day to think about them without crying still, and find myself getting angry with friends or other family who still have the opportunity to pick up the phone and call their parents or those who can drop off the kids at grandmaw and grandpaw's house for the evening or a night out.

I never really considered myself a daddy's girl, but once my husband and I moved to another state, I got real close to dad. He had rheumatoid arthritis and probably from the time I was in high school, started getting worse and worse. The medicines he had to take, all had a negative effect on his body, perhaps making him feel better at the moment, but silently milking the years off his life. He ended up with cirrhosis of the liver w/o drinking, leukemia and congestive heart failure due to these meds. I can remember being home in Feb. of 2004, dad had told me then he knew he was going to die soon and he wanted me to make sure somethings were taken care of. I didn't want that responsibility and he was not going to die, I can remember telling myself on the 6 hour drive back to TN. From Feb to May, daddy pretty much wasted away. I think he was tired of fighting his sick body and finally gave up. But he waited for me and my family to get there. I feel lucky that I got to spend the last week of his life sitting by his bedside, reading to him, brushing his hair, or simply watching him sleep, all of the things had done for me 30 years earlier. Then, he was gone. His death was somewhat "easier" to take, as some would say, knowing his suffering and pain was over and he was at rest.

Fast forward to May of 2005. We were with mom and my sister, having my son's 3rd birthday party. We had a fabulous party. I noticed mom looked tired, but she assured me she was fine. We get back to Tennessee and my husband has to go to New Zealand to work, this is nothing unusual, he travels all the time. I still remember the conversation mom and I had, where she practically begged me to bring the kids to her house and stay, while my husband was gone. I assured her we were fine and New Zealand was no different than anywhere else he had been. A couple of days later, mom got sick, like the cold/flu kinda sick. She sounded horrible on the phone but was seeing the doctor. Then June 1st, my wedding anniversary, I got the phone call riding down the interstate in Nashville. It was my sister, hysterical, I could not understand what she was saying but I knew what she had to tell me. My uncle got on the phone, mom was gone. She died sometime in the middle of the night, all alone, in her tiny little half bathroom off the bedroom. My aunt and uncle found her, hours after lying there, all alone. Hers was quick or so they said. Her heart basically squeezed to death from the fluid she was retaining due to her cold/flu. Mom was gone so fast, it was hard to wrap my head around the fact they were both gone now.

Before, during and after the funeral, the kids and I stayed at my house, where I grew up, after my husband returned to New Zealand. To this day, I feel like I should had been there when she died, I should had packed up my kids and been there in the house with her, maybe I could have saved her. I still wonder to this day if I could have done something. I still pick up the phone to call her when my kids do something funny or completely off the wall. I still remember the number, the same number all my life! But it doesn't go to them anymore, no one I know answers.

So, years later, I still struggle, I still cry, I still wonder about things, if they could have been different. My kids barely remember my parents, but I try to tell them and remind them about mawmaw and pawpaw. I keep hoping it will get easier with time, but the pain is still there, maybe not as fresh, but still there none the less. (I hate this is so long, but I felt the need to write and tell the story for some reason. I am sorry.)

[hdwell]

Both of my parents and my wife's parents are deceased. Mine both died from smoking related illnesses and my wife lost her dad to cancer and her mom to dementia. We don't have much extended family so we and our 16 year old daughter make for a tight relationship. It's sad not to have them around anymore and I know of many people who have lost both parents. We enjoy our friends and people at church now more than ever. Thank God for them. Bless you if you have no parents left. If all of yours is still living and in good health, the Lord has blessed you with that. He has blessed us with many good friends and a wonderful daughter. Thanks be to God!