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I never knew my father. I wonder about him every day, all the time. I heard he was a cop. My mother is Puerto Rican and I heard he was Italian. Even though I'm Puerto Rican, I have blue eyes. No one in my family ever discussed him with me and that still bothers me til this day. I've always wanted to find him, I have his name and everything, but at the same time I'm still scared. People always made fun of me because of my blue eyes and fairer skin.
Jara...what sweet stories....Thank You for sharing. Yes...I think when the wound is new it is so hard not to concentrate on the things that make you cry. So hard to remember the good times. All I can think of is the many times my Dad suffered without complaining for the last 7 years with all kinds of illnesses. I try to force myself to think of something that makes me smile.
My Dad was looking forward to his stimulus check to buy a GPS...he never did get his check or his GPS....but it was so funny how he couldn't wait to hit the road with it!!
I say look for the good times and hold them close to your heart. I remember tagging along with my dad everywhere he went when I was a little girl. Hiding in those sample doors at the hardware store and jumping out trying to scare him as he walked by..
Makes me smile even now. I can go back to taking care of him when he had cancer, or the day he passed, there in the hospital. My mom leaving me there with him at the hospital to make arrangements. Not a good day to say the very least. I was 20 and had a baby boy at home. No fun.
I prefer to think of those childhood times... much happier times...
I LOVE PA; thankyou for your kind words re the loss of my daughter Marie and of my late wife. Marie had deep dark gypsy eyes and loved makeing Cabbage rolls with her mother. Sunday after my weeks of mourning 14th-18th I'm going to make some Beef Paprikas adding some of the imported sweet Hungarian paprika from Ottos. In a couple of weeks am going to make Chicken Paprikas with original dumplings and sour cream like my mother and wife would make just to please me and the kids. Thanks again. Stefhen
Location: Big Island- Hawaii, AK, WA where the whales are!
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It is so hard to answer everyone - hugs to all !
Steve share all you want. I want to come to dinner now!! Sounds like a good celabration. I get to go help/ or try to my girlfriend daughter's funeral this weekend. A child looseing a parent is dam hard I can't even imagine a child gone... I hope I can be good enough friend. All I know is the funeral everyone is at.... the months after are the quiet wondering ones. I hope I can be there for her. And were here too. Take care
Leilani... very pretty name. My mother never knew her father. I have many adopted family members. My mother found her father on her own at 25 way before the days of internet (rather easy now). It gave her closure ... however her experience along with my adopted family member finding family... it wasn't what they imagined - dreamed of. It is ok either way... and if you find him you may find a joyous realationship. Just prepare yourself if not. good luck... and I am sorry you didn't have a Dad like mine. (Gota say my mothers step dad wasn't the role model but he sure was a hell of a guy! ) take care all - and Jara I loved your stories
I lost my mother when I was five years old. She had borrowed a friend's car and went Christmas shopping for my brother and I. It was an unusually foggy morning. In the town we lived in (Berry, KY) there were no railroad gates. As she went up the hill to the track, and was crossing it, the train engineer was sounding the dingy. My mother didn't hear it. The train was drug 100 feet down the track, and came to a stop directly in front of the house we lived in (and in front of the church we attended across the track).
I really have few childhood memories of my mother (none of my father, he left her after my brother was born). This has haunted me my entire life. One person had told me that in the accident the gear shifter stick on the steering column went in one side of her face, and came out the other. That she was in a coma. About two years ago my wife and I were traveling to Falmouth, KY to see the funeral director and ask if he knew any details about the accident. He told us that he remembered vividly everything that had happened. The accident happened back in 1977. He said that on the day of the accident he was directing a funeral at the church that was across the track from our house. He said that there was this crashing sound and an awful screeching noise as the car was pushed down the track.
At this point in telling us about all this he became uneasy, and asked us if we wanted more details. I told him to continue and he said that what had happened was that the car was hit in the front passenger side door. Because of the impact my mother's body was thrown toward the passenger door. The door was crushed inward and the passenger seat was pushed toward my mother. Her head got caught in between the door and the seat and the top half of her head was cut off. The director says he can remember seeing her brain pulsating. Anyway, she was basically brain dead, and was on life support for two weeks. My grandfather wouldn't let them take her off the support system, because he was very religious and was convinced that God was going to heal her. The funeral director finally convinced him that it was her time to leave, and so my granfather, all teary eyed, gave the okay for his daughter to be taken off the system.
To this day I wish I could have known my mother better. And I know that she loved me dearly, I have very vague memories of her playing with me in the back yard, and getting a bumblebee out of my shirt, and making me snow cream for the first time. I really can't type more about this. I'm glad this thread was created, though.
My gosh that is so horrible. I was commisirating the other day about certain rites of passages and things I missed out on in my life, but nothing compares to yours and I still have my mother. So sorry to hear your story.
My heart is in pain at the posts re the loss of loved ones. It is difficult realizing the number of sad stories. All of you out there, please understand that many of us feel the extended pain that you are going thru at this time. At my daughters service, I told those in attendence that life is like a book with 10 chapters. The 1st chapter being from birth to 10yrs of age. 2nd chapter being 11 to 20 yrs of age. 3rd chapter 21 yrs of age to 30, etc,etc,etc. In my daughters case, she was in the early start of her 5th chapter, her mother was in the early stage of her 4th chapter. Life is sometimes cut short and the book is never finished. As for me, I'm nearing the end of my 7th chapter and if God be willing enter my final 8th chapter. We are here renting space on Earth. Standing in line at a dept store, the person in front of you moves forward one step and you take his place in line and the person behind you takes your spot. This is life in its true form. Remember that we are here only one time around and must make the best of it. Sorry for the ranting on. I feel that all of you nice people reading this post are therapists and I'm your patient. Gosh, feeling better already....think I will now have breakfast. Steve
My heart is in pain at the posts re the loss of loved ones. It is difficult realizing the number of sad stories. All of you out there, please understand that many of us feel the extended pain that you are going thru at this time. At my daughters service, I told those in attendence that life is like a book with 10 chapters. The 1st chapter being from birth to 10yrs of age. 2nd chapter being 11 to 20 yrs of age. 3rd chapter 21 yrs of age to 30, etc,etc,etc. In my daughters case, she was in the early start of her 5th chapter, her mother was in the early stage of her 4th chapter. Life is sometimes cut short and the book is never finished. As for me, I'm nearing the end of my 7th chapter and if God be willing enter my final 8th chapter. We are here renting space on Earth. Standing in line at a dept store, the person in front of you moves forward one step and you take his place in line and the person behind you takes your spot. This is life in its true form. Remember that we are here only one time around and must make the best of it. Sorry for the ranting on. I feel that all of you nice people reading this post are therapists and I'm your patient. Gosh, feeling better already....think I will now have breakfast. Steve
It does feel good to get things out, and even more so, to people who have been there. One way or another.
You are in my prayers, please accept my condolances
Losing parent is always a hard thing to accept. We all know that eventually age/illness will take them one at a time. It is a matter of life. The worst thing to happen is the loss of a child (son or daughter) before their time. I just had a funeral for my oldest daughter on tuesday who died of breast cancer and she was only 52 yrs of age with no children of her own. Today, two days later, is 35 yrs since her mother also passed away from cancer. All my children were very young/teens back in 1973. For 35 yrs I always held a mourning period from Oct 16th-18th. Starting next year it will be from Oct 14th-18th in memory of a wife and daughter passing away.Hope no one takes offense at my ranting on this, as we all need some kind of solace and therapy of self healing. This is my way of keeping their memory alive and will be so for the few years I have left. Stefhen
Please accept my sincere sympathy Steve. I lost my twin brother when we were 4 yrs. This was a low eb in our family. I also seen how it effected my father. My twin died of spinal meningitis the catching kind. I wasn't allowed to see him. Of course this was back in 1943 and they didn't have the medicine to work with like now.It was said, father really lost it when the Board of Health came in and placed a thick plate glass over his coffin. Even though it was for a few hours. My older brother literally held the family together through those difficulte times. Sticking together as a family with so much support from our friends.
Death is not easy to get over. It is just so final......the ending.
It hasn't been that long since I lost my Mom and Dad but I think of them very often.
People don't realize how hard it can be. I think I can try.......
I have stood at the Greeting cards, looking at the Birthday section and see " For Dad" OR "For Mom's" and I usually stop and gaze for a bit. Because, I can't ever buy a Mom card or a Dad card again.
Sometimes I think. Did I buy enough Mom and Dad cards,.......because now I am wishing I could!!
Then I remember that my Mom had a drawer, and in it was the cards we would send her.....
Cards from my daughters, cards from me, my sister.........all the invites to the Christenings and
social parties. Cards I guess meant more to her then we knew then...........and cards to me mean more then I ever realized before. We never knew about this drawer, it was a special find.
I believe we never fully get over our losses, we just learn to handle it better.......as the time goes on.
Having had a stillborn baby when I was just 18 gave me an early knowledge of death.
And thats another story...........for another time. Hearts full.........Bless You All.
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