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HOw long has it taken for you to be able to so call "move on" and accept? It was a year this week since I suddenly lost my father and I feel like I'm still at the stage of denial and cry just about everyday because I just feel so sad. I think maybe I need to see some type of bereavement counselor I don't know if that would help?
I am very sorry for your loss. You made two very important references: 'still in the stage of denial', and 'maybe needing to work with a bereavement counselor'. You are absolutely correct in both instances. The grieving process is necessary for us to heal and move on; and to be able to cherish and recall fond memories without the pain.
Yes, a grief counselor would be of great benefit to help you understand the process and work through it.
If one doesn't process grief, then it's the same as a wound that we would continually reinjure and not allow to heal.
I have lost both parents and an elder sibling, and yes, it was very painful. However, by allowing myself to grieve and not bury the emotional pain, I was able work through the loss and move on. And you will too!
Again, and I very sorry for your loss and wish you the best.
HOw long has it taken for you to be able to so call "move on" and accept? It was a year this week since I suddenly lost my father and I feel like I'm still at the stage of denial and cry just about everyday because I just feel so sad. I think maybe I need to see some type of bereavement counselor I don't know if that would help?
This January will be 10 years and it's still painful. Not as devastatingly painful as the first few but there's always a void. He was the glue that held us together.
I have lost both of my parents. My father passed in 1995. My mother Christmas Eve 2000. The loss of my father, these days, is proving to be much more difficult on me. He was the one I went to for support. He was the one I was close to. I was a Daddys girl. Now, when things are going bad for me, when I could just use a hug, when I need someone who will know how to fix it, when whatever... it is he who pops into my mind.
His presence is everywhere. His old coins, his old cowboy hat. The picture of him from ww2. He is everywhere and he is nowhere.
All of these years later, I still grieve his loss. I go into a lumber store or a hardware store, and he is everywhere. I used to go to places like this with him all the time as a little girl.
Memories flood in. I smile. For six months after he passed I was in complete denial. I did not want to think that he had died. I thought to myself, "I just cannot get to the hospital to see him." I just this, I just that.
I went to his grave all the time. There was my fathers name on this pretty stone. His birth date. His death date. His name, the things signifying him as being in the war. There was my father. But I did not want him to be there.
As much as I went there, to his grave, I did not believe in my heart that it was he who was there.
So, now, all of these years later, I know he is gone. I long for him so much to not be gone. It is in those moments that I need him the most that I miss him the most. I do not know if this makes me greedy, or if... or if I just don't know.
I miss my father. Sometimes I find myself wanting to call my mother. I'll call mom, she'll know what to do. Sometimes I will go as far as to even pick up the phone.
I can't call her. She is not there...
It is hard, but it does get a little easier with time. My condolences to you.
Last edited by Pikantari; 10-11-2008 at 07:46 AM..
Please join us, I sent you all an invitation. We have a great group of ppl although the format is not what we would like to have.
Talking with others who have lost a loved one is the best way to deal with your grief, IMHO.. It is often hard to talk with friends as they don't know what to say to you. They don't understand how you feel.
I lost my dad 21 years ago and my mom, 15 years ago. It gets easier over time, but I still think about them every day and miss them terribly. I still cry very hard at times.
I'm sorry for everyone's loss, I know how hard it is.
The time it takes to start recovering from a death has a lot to do with how close you were to that person as well as the circumstances around the death and how sensitive you are as a person.
My dad has been gone since February 6, 2006 & I still cry just about every day. My dad & I were very close, I was the last person he looked at when he took his last breath.
I do think talking with someone could help. I think how we cope can have alot to do with how old we are when we lose our parents. Of course it hurts and hurts no matter what age we are, but with a younger person I think, that hurt can be more tramatic. My father developed Cancer very quickly and died 10 days later in 2003. It seemed my mother who already had major health issues just seemed to slowly die herself thru that year after his death. And unfortunately she did die within a year of his death in 2004. So I lost both parents two years in a row. I never really had the time to grieve my fathers death because my mothers came so soon after. I really broke down at my mothers wake though, and I knew I was grieving both of them, thier deaths were just to close together. It take some time but we do go on, we think we won't but we do somehow, and so will you. The hurt and memories will always be there, but the level of hurt fades somewhat as time goes on, I think its natures way of not letting that hurt consume us.
HOw long has it taken for you to be able to so call "move on" and accept? It was a year this week since I suddenly lost my father and I feel like I'm still at the stage of denial and cry just about everyday because I just feel so sad. I think maybe I need to see some type of bereavement counselor I don't know if that would help?
I'm sorry for your loss. Grief has it's own time table. I lost my mom in 1984 and my dad in 1986. Sometimes something will remind of them and out of the blue I'll start crying. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them. In spite of what I wrote, it gets easier in time.
I feel for you....the death of a loved one is the hardest issue we deal with in our lives. I lost both my mom and dad within two weeks of eachother in Jan. 2007. I cried for so long and I never thought I would be able to feel happy again.
This past week was my mom's birthday and it hurt to the core not to be able to give her a hug and tell her how much I love her. I think at times you will always feel so sad. The pain eases but never goes away completely.
What has helped me through are the memories. Sometimes I cry and some times I laugh. And I thank God everyday that I was so fortunate to have the mom and dad that I did.
Take care of yourself....your dad will always be in your heart.
I've lost both parents, my mom on her 68th birthday, when I was 40, and my dad four years ago at age 82, when I was 47. There are still times when I catch my breath in a sob thinking of them, and I suspect there always will be.
At the same time, one of the ways that I've handled my sense of grief and loss is to consciously carry forward aspects of both of my parents that I felt were particularly important, or that made a real impression on me. If I were the New Age type, I'd probably say I was "channeling" them, but being a thoroughly prosaic middle-aged accountant, I just say that I'm choosing to perpetuate their influence on me by sending it out into the world to work.
Hence, when one of my staff at work was struggling with some issues, I taught her the kind of guided imagery and meditation that my mom used. When I realize that I'm nervous about doing something that I haven't encountered before, I take a moment to remind myself of the enthusiasm with which my dad greeted anything new - he was one of the first American owners of a Prius when he was in his late 70's, after being on the waiting list for close to a decade - and think myself into a state of mind where I can be less rattled by the innovations that I find unsettling. I choose to perpetuate those characteristics of both of my parents that I think will have a positive influence on the world, and in so doing, I feel as though I'm cheating death in a way, and that they live on in the world.
It doesn't stop all the tears, of course. There are still days when I look at a perfect sunset or my niece's golden curls, and my eyes fill with tears at the thought of how much my folks would have loved the chance to see those same sights.
But it helps.
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