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Steve...as you know...you have a road ahead of you to travel...it won't be easy. When I think back to a week after my Dad died...I wonder how much harder it was then now.
I do see one difference...I remember upon wakening, an instant sudden gasp of pain when I first realized I was awake..I no longer get that. But it isn't much more than 10 minutes that I'm reminded he's gone...but it's sort of comforting in a strange way. He is at peace now.
Steve..if you don't mind me asking...what State do you live in?
Soory for your loss. I lsot my parents years ago. Bt Even at the time ;I knew they had lead a long and good life. Being a christina helped alot personally. In fact I can foten hear my parents advise they gave me when different situations come up like those in the past. I never really cry tho;its makes me smile actually and appreciate what I have gotten from them.
HOw long has it taken for you to be able to so call "move on" and accept? It was a year this week since I suddenly lost my father and I feel like I'm still at the stage of denial and cry just about everyday because I just feel so sad. I think maybe I need to see some type of bereavement counselor I don't know if that would help?
Well.
My father died in 2005 and I can honestly say I haven't missed him a single day. Need I qualify that by saying that he was not a very nice guy.
On the other hand, my mother and I are very close and I will be very sad for a very long time when she goes; even though I understand and accept that death is just part of life.
If you think that counseling would help with your issues, then by all means, go. Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. If you think it is affecting your quality of life, then I would say it is time to talk to someone. I would avoid, however, taking any medication. That is a merry-go-round I would absolutely stay clear of. IMHO
Formally from Ont. Canada...then to LA...Then to Mexico City...back to Calif...and now 12 yrs in Baja Mexico just south of Rosarito. Have a home (I built) over looking the ocean. My parents ashes are spread out in the ocean as has been my daughter by now. So, I'm close to them every day when I look out at the water as will I be when the time comes. Not being morseful just reallistic as many people never visit the grave sites in cemeterys. My days here are satisfying days. Tomorrow my crepes will have Imported Jam (lekvar) from Hungary which is a lot thicker then US jam which has a lot of filler (pectin). Thanks for asking where I live. Steve
Formally from Ont. Canada...then to LA...Then to Mexico City...back to Calif...and now 12 yrs in Baja Mexico just south of Rosarito. Have a home (I built) over looking the ocean. My parents ashes are spread out in the ocean as has been my daughter by now. So, I'm close to them every day when I look out at the water as will I be when the time comes. Not being morseful just reallistic as many people never visit the grave sites in cemeterys. My days here are satisfying days. Tomorrow my crepes will have Imported Jam (lekvar) from Hungary which is a lot thicker then US jam which has a lot of filler (pectin). Thanks for asking where I live. Steve
Darn it!!! Too far for me to drop by for some crepes! Or some Stuffed Cabbage rolls! Your home setting sounds beautiful.
I'm not a fan of a grave site, I don't want one. My Dad was an easy one...my parents had an infany daughter who passed away and due to a shortage of money, she was buried in a military cemetery at a free grave. My Dad is now resting with her. I have not been back to his grave since he was buried as it is 3 states away. I know he is not there. H'es closer to me than that cemetery!
My father passed away January 13, 2005. My mother grieved herself to death by May 14th. My fiance's mother then passed away July 31. My baby sister followed two weeks later on August 16th.
I didn't think that I would survive 2005. I felt as though I spent the entire year dealing with the deaths of people I loved. Yet somehow, I just kept plugging along, living day to day until one morning about a year ago, I woke up, went to make coffee and realized that for the first time in two years, death of a loved one was not the first thought I had upon awakening.
At that point, I knew I'd be okay.
I still miss my family members every single day of my life. I think about them all at least once a day, but finally, the pain has gone from the loudest thing in my life to a dull roar. I can finally remember them with love rather than only through the grief.
The hardest has been my sister. She was far too young to die. Yet now I think of her as a child, gap toothed and curly headed, driven to mischief--and I can smile--with a lump in my throat, but I still smile.
So my heart goes out to each and every one of you who have lost loved ones. I've been just where you are and I'm hoping with all my heart not to have to go back there for a very long time.
Well I'm felling a lot better. My 5 day mourning for the recent death of my oldest daughter and also for her late mother/my wife ended last night. It was a ritual of healing and remembrance and good for the soul. This afternoon I made some Hungarian Paprikas the same way they would make for me. Just had dinner and the Hungarian Sweet Paprika sure makes a difference in colour and taste. The potatos smashed in the gravy was delicious. Tomorrow will make some crepes...Hungarian style. If your in the neighborhood, please drop in...my treat. Steve (pista in Hungarian)
Kedves Steve, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm not going to say I have a clue what you are going through.
I'm also Hungarian, and know what you mean about paprika, makes a ton of difference. Did you make chicken paprika? Have you ever had the yellow Hungarian peppers?
Do you know how to speak/type Hungarian? I ask because I need to get a message to my dad's brother, he doesn't speak English & we weren't brought up to speak Hungarian. I had someone translate a letter back when dad was sick but after he died I wasn't able to write him due to losing the translator and feel bad. I'd really love to speak with my only relative.
If you can't help me, do you know of someone that could?
My father passed away January 13, 2005. My mother grieved herself to death by May 14th. My fiance's mother then passed away July 31. My baby sister followed two weeks later on August 16th.
I didn't think that I would survive 2005. I felt as though I spent the entire year dealing with the deaths of people I loved. Yet somehow, I just kept plugging along, living day to day until one morning about a year ago, I woke up, went to make coffee and realized that for the first time in two years, death of a loved one was not the first thought I had upon awakening.
At that point, I knew I'd be okay.
I still miss my family members every single day of my life. I think about them all at least once a day, but finally, the pain has gone from the loudest thing in my life to a dull roar. I can finally remember them with love rather than only through the grief.
The hardest has been my sister. She was far too young to die. Yet now I think of her as a child, gap toothed and curly headed, driven to mischief--and I can smile--with a lump in my throat, but I still smile.
So my heart goes out to each and every one of you who have lost loved ones. I've been just where you are and I'm hoping with all my heart not to have to go back there for a very long time.
Your post gives me hope. I'm waiting to get to the place where you are. If you can get there with all your loss, surely I can too. My heart goes out to you. I want to remember the happy moments, not seeing my father dead, seeing him in the casket, seeing his casket in church everytime I go to Mass on Sunday....
Location: Big Island- Hawaii, AK, WA where the whales are!
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Hi Steve - I Love Pa! Raven! Everyone else.... hugs hope it is a good day.... maybe sometime this year stop on by to share some of your homecooked meals Steve if the invite works for later! Plan on going to Mexico soon! Love your insights everyone and Steve- as I prepared myself to go to help my girlfriend whos daughter just died (23). Funeral was Sat. My first since Dad wasn't sure how I was gonna take it because Corey was almost my daughter - around her since she was 5..... daily till a couple of years ago. Also wasn't sure how to fullfill being a friend to best friend... to help the most.
It was a beautiful day - sunny on Mt Rainier - warm - sooooo many people came - over 400... everything was donated and taken care of - they didn't have to do anything - enough food to feed two armys... Found a beautiful spot to put have her ashes - a little graveyard close to her parents - over looking Alder lake - view of Mt Rainier.... Whittikers ( this is not legal so shhhhhhh) are gonna take some of her up to the top of Mt Rainier and the rest will lay of soft moss in the mountain ..... she would of loved that. It was such a wonderful day - show of family friends business - really 500 people don't live there.
I realized what a extended family I have also to continue to help me along my journey with Dad. I truly feel somehow Corey knew - she touched everyones life in the last couple of months - amazing ...saw her three weeks before she died. I don't live up there anymore so see them occassionally - four or five times a year.
I had a dream of her pushing me out the door of my past and grieving -- she wouldn't let me come in the room with her strong arms and big smile. She said don't be sad.... and smiled her amazing smile..... Ahhhh we will make it through the process and they all will be with us every day and when we need it I believe.....
thought I would share the song we played ending the funeral with her pictures - snap shots of her life playing along. This is where I believe Dad and Corey and maybe your familys are too! Take care everyone! Somewhere over the rainbow -- I know i will see Corey there and Dad also! Take care everyone
Country Gal.....LOVE that song...(love the movie - Finding Forrester)
Thanks for sharing!
We will all make it..............one day at a time
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