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It's different than on the mainland. Especially the more rural the area gets. On the lower end of the totem/tiki pole a guy is required to have at least a car. Then, to be more of a catch, a job. To make him really desirable he should have a place on his own (neither with his extended family or wife). Looks matter least.
As a woman you don't have to be slim to have the men running after you. Actually lots of eating is an essential part of a functioning relationship here. In that regard the whole island population is mentally still on a long, famished canoe ride over from Tahiti. Eat like there's no tomorrow (or cardiac arrest) looming. Women who hold a job are getting very picky with local men and may date outside of their ethnic range. Especially when they managed to stay childless till their late twenties.
Now in Honolulu everything is different: Mainland students, tourists, business travelers, military, etc mix everything up and the scene is like any other city in the western world. Being young, slim, good looking, healthy and wealthy and you have your pick. With emphasis on 'wealthy'.
Man, I am so glad to be happily married...it's cold out there.
One of my friends went to Honolulu with several of her girlfriends for a high school graduation celebration.
They had a great time and got a little inebriated one night... think this was when 18 years olds could still drink legally.
Anyway... she met a young local police officer and they spent every free moment together.
She returned home heart sick... her parents told her to concentrate on college and her scholarship... she dropped out the first semester... got a one way ticket the Honolulu...
They have been happily married 19 years with 3 kids and she is as Hawaiian as can be... his family is native and she is California born and her parents are from the Philippines...
Sometimes it does work... he had to get a California girl to be happy!
Someone left a weird message on my reputation saying "dating is hard everywhere". Maybe that's their experience, but I never had issues with finding men I was compatible with when I was back in Maryland. I was never lonely. I'm actually a nicer person down here because I'm no longer stuck in a life that I hate. So, that leads me to believe it's very much Honolulu/Hawaii that's the issue - not me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner
They have been happily married 19 years with 3 kids and she is as Hawaiian as can be... his family is native and she is California born and her parents are from the Philippines...
Sometimes it does work... he had to get a California girl to be happy!
I'm not sure how that's supposed to be encouraging. It's like telling me how you know someone who won the lottery to make feel better about being homeless. It just rubs salt in the wound. I'd much rather hear something less fairytale like how eHarmony actually works or something! THAT would give me some hope.
Someone left a weird message on my reputation saying "dating is hard everywhere". Maybe that's their experience, but I never had issues with finding men I was compatible with when I was back in Maryland. I was never lonely. I'm actually a nicer person down here because I'm no longer stuck in a life that I hate. So, that leads me to believe it's very much Honolulu/Hawaii that's the issue - not me.
I'm not sure how that's supposed to be encouraging. It's like telling me how you know someone who won the lottery to make feel better about being homeless. It just rubs salt in the wound. I'd much rather hear something less fairytale like how eHarmony actually works or something! THAT would give me some hope.
Have you tried some meetup events? Pick things you are interested in and meet others with the same interests. Whats not to like about that?
All i have to say about the issue is, its worth the chase. Have you seen Hawai'i wahine? nani. Even more so is the Hawai'ian and nani asian/hapa haole wahines!
@Enyo
Nani girl, do you get involved much with cultural events? You should, thats how your going to meet real locals and hawai'ians. Further it will help you fit in and further as a bonus maybe like alot of others you may learn to fall in love with Hawai'i culture and people, aina too. Don't give up.
Unless the meet-up is "Hetro, Stationary, Intelligent Men Over 30 Who Are Interesting in Dating Enyo", it is a waste of time. I have a strong social/activity circle of women and gay men who share my interests already. I am missing that special someone, but I'm not lonely. I thought about attending an Oahu singles meet-up, but Hawaii has given me NO reason to believe the average single man is would be interested in me. So I pretty much do the online thing for how.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiian by heart
Nani girl, do you get involved much with cultural events? You should, thats how your going to meet real locals and hawai'ians. Further it will help you fit in and further as a bonus maybe like alot of others you may learn to fall in love with Hawai'i culture and people, aina too. Don't give up.
I actually do a lot of cultural events and festivals and know a a nice amount of Hawaiian culture. I'd been studying it for years before I actually moved here. In fact, the culture and history is part of the reason I moved. Going to culture events, even when I go alone, have not even produced a single "Howzit" from a local man.
What is "fitting in"? Being mistaken for a local? That's never going to happen, and honestly, I'm proud of being an African-American woman from Maryland. No need to try and fake like I'm from here. I get along better with people who are from the mainland anyway. I find locals who don't know me tend to treat me like I'm a clueless tourist and then get all shocked when the find out I live and work here. I'm malihini, not a moron.
Your quote: What is "fitting in"? Being mistaken for a local? That's never going to happen, and honestly, I'm proud of being an African-American woman from Maryland. No need to try and fake like I'm from here. I get along better with people who are from the mainland anyway. I find locals who don't know me tend to treat me like I'm a clueless tourist and then get all shocked when the find out I live and work here. I'm malihini, not a moron. end quote:
Uhmmm what i meant by fitting in wasn't faking pidgin etc. But by getting involved with culture events like taking up hula or learning olelo hawaii ,art or getting involved with community you are showing your love for the culture etc. Its love in your heart for Hawai'i and community and culture that will make you kama'aina(not local) with time people will respect you.
I can already see why people think your a tourist no stink intended or insult. Maybe a change in thinking is due? Sorry your having a tough time. Why don't you P.M me for suggestions.
I saw ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with Enyo's post or attitude.
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Look maybe others will disagree? But success socially in Hawai'i is more about your attitude and frame of mind then status. 90% of the time you will never have problems with locals or fitting in if you learn how to think and have aloha for community and others. If your brand new then sometime will be needed so people will know your going to stick around before they invest alot.
I saw ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with Enyo's post or attitude.
well then why would she say "I get along better with people who are from the mainland anyway?" That doesn't make since? besides this" I'm proud of being an African-American woman from Maryland No need to try and fake like I'm from here". Like i said you don't have fake pidgin, but you have to give up some attitude of "I" to make it. We live on an island, assimilating each others cultures, adapting. If you cant assimilate or adapt then you won't make it socially. That my point.
Further why would she get along better with people from the mainland over locals? People are people right? Maybe because in some ways socially hawaii is different then the mainland. So maybe a change of thinking is due. Am i wrong?
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nani. Even more so is the Hawai'ian and nani asian/hapa haole wahines!
