How many months pregnant would it be acceptable to ask for a seat on the commuter rail? (Boston: daycare, home)

[jayrandom]

I'm sure opinion will vary, but far along would it no longer be considered rude for a obviously pregnant woman to ask someone to give up their seat on the commuter rail? I suspect most men ages 25-45 would gladly give up their seat and even feel a bit guilty for not doing so spontaneously; my wife suspects she would get angry stares and a lot of "no, I was here" even into her ninth month. Any thoughts?

[NewfieMama]

I'm 8 months pregnant and still wouldn't actually ask for somebody's seat. Granted, I take a line where it's rare for people to have to stand. I also get to the station early to reduce the risk of not getting a seat. Last week I was stuck standing and somebody offered me their seat--I didn't take it and kind of regretted it by the time I got to my stop.

Anyway, congrats on the pregnancy and I have to say I agree with your wife. I wouldn't ask even in my 9th month. With my first baby I was in early labor while commuting home from work and was just praying my water wouldn't break on the train.

[SpringMom3]

even if she is not showing and says she is pregnant and would like a seat I will bet no one would have a problem giving it up. that said, i never asked for a seat and basically no one offered most of the time through both pregnancies. my belly would practically be hitting someone in their face and they would just look down. it was bizarre.

i also find the time i needed a seat the most was immediately after getting pregnant. I was extremely light headed/nauseous and felt like i was going to collapse, by the time i looked pregnant, i didnt mind standing.

it is funky though because i would walk 1-2 mi a day between the train/home/daycare but STANDING on the train is what made me feel the most sick. someone did spot me looking green once and told me to sit in their seat. otherwise, if your wife doesnt ask, I will bet almost no one will give up their seat. if she isnt nervous to do so, she should!

[artanis50]

I wouldn't ASK for someone to give up their seat ... but if they offered I would take it. I was a whale when I was pregnant so there's no way people wouldn't know! I don't commute to Boston anymore (actually moved to Florida), but when I did, there was an older / disabled woman that always got on the green line 2 stops after me. I'd sit in the first seat by the door and save it for her. When she got on, I gave it to her. She was always grateful. So (not to pat myself on the back or anything) there really are nice people out there who will give up a seat! :-)

[Hollytree]

You shouldn't have to ask. It's basic etiquette.

[miu]

Originally Posted by Hollytree

You shouldn't have to ask. It's basic etiquette.

Eh. First, in the city, many people mentally put blinders on and don't look closely at their fellow passengers. They focus on texting their friends or listen to music to pass the travel time away.

Secondly, there is the aspect of rampant obesity in our population. A woman that may look pregnant may not be and instead just be grossly overweight. And who wants to chance embarrassing and insulting her?

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by miu

And who wants to chance embarrassing and insulting her?

How would you be chancing that?

You don't say "hey pregnant lady, would you like a seat?". You just offer the seat. If she happens to not be pregnant there is no harm to you or anyone.

[SpringMom3]

Originally Posted by timberline742

How would you be chancing that?

You don't say "hey pregnant lady, would you like a seat?". You just offer the seat. If she happens to not be pregnant there is no harm to you or anyone.

I agree, one time a man just looked at me and got up and walked over to the rail to stand/hold it. i knew he was offering me his seat without outright saying "hey, pregnant lady, do you want the seat?" for the most part too, its pretty obvious when a woman is pregnant vs obese. especially if the woman is not both of the two.

also, the OPs wife doesnt need to specifically ask someone to give up the seat, she can just look into the aisle and ask if someone could please give he a seat bc she is pregnant. i will bet if asked like that people will get right up.

[Parsec]

Originally Posted by SpringMom3

for the most part too, its pretty obvious when a woman is pregnant vs obese. especially if the woman is not both of the two.

I see 2 obese women on a regular basis (related to my kids schools) who were recently pregnant and I couldn't tell either time. One time I didn't find out until my daughter told me (she has playdates with this woman's daughter) and the other time I didn't find out until she came to school holding a baby! I don't think most people can really tell with women who are say, over 250 lbs.

[495neighbor]

One thing I hate is when a parent with toddlers or a baby carriage is struggling to keep kids from being trampled on a packed train, and none of the gum chewing, ear-bud clad 20 year olds offer them their seat. I always do even if the parent is Dad not Mom.