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Old 03-13-2011, 08:45 PM
128 posts, read 445,698 times
Reputation: 69


I felt a little reluctant to post here because I am usually in the City forum chirping away about positive experiences and things. But the reality is that next Monday will be 60 days (3 months) sober and clean from drugs. Before that I was heavily smoking tobacco and marijuana, occasional cocaine and alcohol use. I smoke constantly, almost everyday, whenever I could. I chose drugs to "run away" like most; to hide from insecurity issues and to try and cover up what was bothering me on the inside. It worked, but now I am in a situation. About a month into my sobriety I started to develop bouts of depression followed by really happy thoughts. It was basically a bipolar state of mind in which I would be on a roller coaster of emotions. The peaks were high but the valleys got lower and lower each time and I would find myself crying as if something horrible had happened. These emotions intensified. It felt really weird having feelings again. (Remember, I was numbing my emotions for 8-9 months straight.) My emotions and feelings were asleep and now they woke up and I don't understand why they feel so real and intense to me. Yes, there are times when I feel relief after realizing each day I am getting closer to a healthier lifestyle. But like I said, the valleys are so low that they feel like bouts of depression.

A lot of people say this is normal. Is it? Have you had similar experiences? All help would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Old 03-17-2011, 06:37 PM
9,408 posts, read 13,697,339 times
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I don't have any wise words I'm sorry. I have never had addiction issues. I just wanted to say you have done a great job being sober for 3 months. Stay strong and positive
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Old 03-17-2011, 08:44 PM
15 posts, read 35,810 times
Reputation: 12
Oh yeah,I get it alright! Been a binge drinker for years,so the cravings only hit,lik,twice a week or so-----but hit HARD---got me thinkin' of drinkin' the vanilla extract!!! Rollercoastering somethin' AWFUL,and I've got the meds...even Antabuse....It's just too,TOO hard sometimes.BiPolar on top of everything,too....Got any good ideas??? I happen to like the S.M.A.R.T.Recovery Program....but some days nothin but some food and maybe some sleep....?? Chin up...I hear it gets easier.
By the way,it IS Depression,and there's HELP for that!!! Somtimes it's just plain Grief,for the old lifestyle...but if it lasts more than 6 weeks,GET HELP!!! Peace be with you.....

Last edited by cristy1958; 03-17-2011 at 08:49 PM.. Reason: It IS Depression!!!
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Old 03-17-2011, 09:35 PM
1 posts, read 4,740 times
Reputation: 14
I myself have been sober almost 5 months! Started drinking when I was 14 and this is the longest I've been sober in 22 years unless I was pregnant with one of four kids!! Depression and anxiety were really bad after about 2 months sobriety! Started an anti-depressant/anxiety med and went to therapy!! Not through it all yet but the relationship with my kids is better than ever! I've been a single mom since my oldest was born 18 yrs ago so it hasn't been easy. Just have to remind myself everyday that this is a much better life than before and I'm much happier! Keep up the good work and remember that your not alone and don't be afraid to ask anyone for help!
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Old 03-18-2011, 07:45 AM
3,199 posts, read 7,794,401 times
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Congrats on 3 months. I don't have this addiction but have some close people in my life who are in recovery. I feel the AA has helped them greatly. The support of others facing the same and being accountable helps. I have a friend who went through such a depression and anxiety. She is in therapy and trying to find other outlets to cope. She is working through the reasons why she has this addition too.

On the emotions front for myself I have a hard time feeling them. I try to avoid though not with alchol but can relate. I think facing and working through them and accepting it is ok to feel is the only way for things to get better. So much is the unknown and fears but when you get through them in a healthy manner hopefully it will give a good you a good sense and easier in the future. Hang in there
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Old 03-25-2011, 06:51 PM
Location: The Lakes Region
3,074 posts, read 4,709,317 times
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Alcohol is ether with water added-or anethesia strong enough to operate on a person. Once you stop using this form of anethesia your nervous system tries to regulate itself back to a normal state. This causes emotional roller coasting for a period of time. People in recovery usually experience extreme highs and lows for about a year then things start to level off.
During this time the feelings will seem very real and uncomfortable but they will pass. You can get to the other side. Sometimes you may have to just sit still and hurt but the pain will wane.
I suggest you work on the alcohol first-one thing at a time. Smoking can come later.
Keep up the good work. You may want to check out AA or other group support programs. You do not have to do it by yourself !!!!!!
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Old 03-27-2011, 06:18 PM
Location: Neither here nor there
14,810 posts, read 16,154,550 times
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Congratulations on cleaning yourself and your life up. I haven't been through what you describe and don't know what it's like but will suggest that, if you can concentrate on them well enough, you take up something that will place your attention on something else other than these extremes of the leveling-out process. Maybe a hobby, maybe some jogging, maybe some volunteer work that isn't too demanding. Hell, maybe even cleaning out the garage. Just ANYTHING to put your attention on to something else for the meantime. Good luck.
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Old 04-01-2011, 10:12 AM
15 posts, read 35,810 times
Reputation: 12
Been clean 27 days now.Boyriend says he'
s gonna get me a 30-day Tag frm AA.Whoopie!!!!!That Smart porgram is a lifesaver...I check in every day,read the ABC's,read up on How To's....the craving/urges are down ALOT,although sometimes seeing people on TV with a drink in ththeir hand makes me queasy.....It really doe work,and there are chat rooms & threads you can follow,online meetings.....If I had a car,there are actual face-to-face meetings in The Big City.Still roller-coasting with the BiPolar,but hey,this too shall pass??? If you work it,it works! Stay strong,stay Smart,stay clean....you are stronger than you know!!!!
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Old 04-01-2011, 05:13 PM
15 posts, read 35,810 times
Reputation: 12
Default S.M.A.R.T.Recovery & recognizing BiPolar Disorder

Cristy1958 here...day27,I think...rollercoasting going away,urges down to whining...You are very clearly (it takes one to know one?) BiPolar,and if you've got all that much sobriety behind you & are still down on yourself & your personal growth,PLEASE,check out S.M.A.R.T.Recovery.com!!!! I go to AA once a week or so,cuz my boyfiend's in it 17 yrs and until this week insisted AA was the ONLY successful way,and,well,HE joined SMART Recovery this week,so there!!!.LOTS of resources there,people to chat with, a Toolbox I wouldn't want to live without...Online "meetings",and if you check around on the site,probably a nearby face-to-face S.M.A.R.T Group!!!! Looking forward to hearing about your new steps,soon!
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Old 04-01-2011, 05:33 PM
18,837 posts, read 37,218,706 times
Reputation: 26458
I think the most difficult part of being sober, after realizing what you have done to your life because of your addiction, is facing emotions...your life is all screwed up now, and you can't even drink to get away from how messed up it is. It reminds me of that movie that Micheal Keaton was in, "Sober"...and when he started dealing with all of his problems...rough. It is exhausting...I know you don't feel like it, but start going to the gym, even if you only stay for 15-20 minutes. Do a class at the gym, it will make you feel better. It won't be easy though.
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