Quote:
Originally Posted by purple rage
I don't even see the point in my existance. I am darkskin, Black with African features. To make it worst, I'm a woman. Most men and women in society think lighter skin is better. Darkskinned Black women like me have a harder time finding mates and getting married. I'm discriminated against more. The outlook for me to get married is not good at all. What is the point of me living? I don't see any at all. I feel my existence is meaningless. I feel that I would be better off dead.
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You'll never find an honest answer here because all the gleamy eye people full of hope and denial will never see the light. It's a fact that a black woman that reaches the age of 40 and has never been married will probably never will. Statistically, black women are
the least desired women in America, and that's the bottom line
despite what you think!
I too wanted to get married, stay married for my entire life, and raise a bunch of kids while taking care of the wife. That's what I like to do. I have a caregiver attitude, and taking care of other people's kids or somebody in need is ok, but it's not the same as doing it for a
wife and
my own children.
Hence, do I ever feel that pain you're experiencing! At age 30, the factory closed, and my income dropped to 12% of what it previously had been. I lost the wife, kid, and everything material. To make matters worse, I have a boyish face, and I went bald, so the caliber of women I was able to attract after the divorce was pitiful. The ex-wife either never worked or worked part-time minimum wage jobs, so I was responsible for a good portion of my weekly check in taxes and support, which meant living with my parents or in a poor section of town with roommates, so I knew back then that I'd remain single for the rest of my life, and that the son I'd raised for seven years would drift away from me. All that did happen. I suffered all the way through my thirties and early forties until mother nature finally removed my desire to have a wife and raise children.
It's shattering to come to the realization that your dreams will never be fulfilled. When I met women, the first thing they did was scan my hair line. If it wasn't that, they couldn't deal with me being poor, my slovenly roommates, the section of town I was forced to live in, or that I'd moved home with my parents because of my financial situation.
All I had to do was make a checklist, and I could see that the odds were heavily stacked against me. I did not want to lead a single lifestyle. I wanted to be a husband and father. Early on, I made two serious attempts at ending my life. I was found each time through happenstance because I went out of my way to go into a remote corner of the world and die. Each time I was DOA, and the doctors couldn't believe they did me the wonderful favor and saved my life.
Eventually, I just became numb towards life and existed. Doing things with other people's kids did nothing but make me think of my own son. Seeing couples only reminded me of what I once had. It took years for me to drift back into life, somewhat. The crazy women that approached me only made matters worse. To top it off, most white women that did chat me up would tell me I was interesting, but they only dated black men. I'm a white man, who along the way, picked up the Spanish language. As I ripped off Spanish, I'd get white women approach me and tell me how they wanted to get with me and how hot they thought Spanish men were. When I told them I'm white, that was it! Pfffffffttt!
"I don't date white men. They're lame."
I'm not going to lie, I do somewhat miss wasting my 30s as a single childless man. I wish I could get them back, but I know it will never happen. All during my 30s I'd wish my marriage hadn't failed and I'd have had more kids. That's all I ever wanted to do in life. My job, hobbies, and other things were secondary distractions. On the other side of the coin, the child support's over, I'm still poor, but at least I no longer miss being married and the son I lost. Well, it's a nibbling pain, but at least it's not the torture of wanting to die every waking second, minute, hour each day after month followed by years.
As I've stated, I truly hope you find your happiness out there because I feel I know exactly what you're suffering through. If you can weather it, once you're in your middle 40s, it won't be as bad. Getting there's the hard part. You sound rather defeated, and that can turn into disenchantment. Once you've crossed the line, any chance at normalcy will be crushed. If you think you can hang on, do so. If you think it's going to be nothing but heartache and pain, end your life. I often wish I'd have just died 15 years ago. I hung around for nothing but more disappointment. To make matters worse, anybody that was in my life suffered along with me.
It's truly disheartening to hear that somebody else is suffering through this. Knowing that society's tossed them to the side and smashed their dreams. I wish I could help you, but sadly I can't. I'm sure it's not comforting to know that you're not alone, and that people have gone through this before you, and will continue to do so. I wish you the best either way you choose.
Cheers,
bolillo
Quote:
Originally Posted by red4ce
Perhaps you should discard the antiquated notion that a woman's worth is determined by her marital status. So what if you don't get married? You can still lead a healthy, productive, fulfilling and enjoyable life without a husband.
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I don't think I could ever find enough insulting words to direct towards people that have this mentality. Have you
ever stopped to think that
some people's major motivating desire in life is to get married and raise a family? Furthermore, not all of us just want to bang out a kid, leave the other party, fight with them through domestics, and try to juggle a full time schedule while being a single parent. There's nothing antiquated about wanting to be married and have a family. I think the entire idea of not getting married and not raising a family or doing it as a single parent is nothing but
leading a headonistic self-centered lifestyle. There's a lot more to being married than just having arm candy, being bossed about, and such and such's husband/wife. I guess anybody that thinks being a wife and raising kids is antiquated probably wouldn't understand the notion.
I'm a white male and I can think of nothing better than to take care of a wife, a house and raise kids. I'd even stay home and do it because to me that's more fulfilling than any job under the sun.
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