How about this "Minnesota Ice" vs. "Minnesota Nice" stuff?? (dangerous, moving to)

[Latchkey Kid]

And as far as having someone to call if you have a problem, you'd be surprised who would show up for you. I was hospitalized for awhile here and it wasn't my family that took care of me.

[sparksals]

I do have to say that one neighbour sent over hot dish (never heard that term before I came here) after I got out of hospital last year when I had hip replacement surgery. They were the only one who followed through out of 4 neighbours who said they'd send something.

Maybe Meatloaf needs to change the name of their song.

[Globe199]

Originally Posted by sparksals

I'm not looking for sympathy, but my point is, living here two years, I still do not have ONE person I can call if I need a shoulder. I have no friends close enough to call if something (gawd forbid) happened to my husband. I would be all by myself like I was when I had to put my dear, sweet little dog down. How would you feel if something happened to your spouse/SO and you had NO ONE to come help or comfort you? THAT is how I feel living here. I feel alone in that I don't have anyone to call for that shoulder that we all need. Perhaps you can't fathom that because you have that network, but those of us new here don't. I wouldn't even call my neighbour b/c I don't know them well enough to lay something like that on them.

If I were in Tucson, I WOULD have people who I consider FRIEND to call. They would come to my house in a heartbeat. It's quite disconcerting not having someone close enough to call after two years living here.

Maybe we should start a meetup group for people in this situation. I've lived here 13 years, and whilst I don't have it as "extreme" as you, my wife and I are not that far off.

[Latchkey Kid]

I've been thinking it would be interesting to meet other posters in person. Might shed some light on our perception of things.

[Globe199]

I like the name Minnesota Ice

Actually, I think an even more interesting discussion would be whether post-college adults can make close friends at all. One of my college friends had a theory that deep friendships develop best under situations most easily classified as "we're all in this together" (e.g., college). There may be something to that.

[Latchkey Kid]

Yes, of course. Not everyone goes to college and they still have close friends.

[sparksals]

Originally Posted by Globe199

Maybe we should start a meetup group for people in this situation. I've lived here 13 years, and whilst I don't have it as "extreme" as you, my wife and I are not that far off.

What do you envision? We're on meetup and while we have made social acquaintances, no one that I would call if something horrible happened.

I have thought of creating a meetup group that specifically states no superficiality, that condition of joining and remaining a member is that you are absolutely, without a doubt, looking for FRIENDS.

Is that what you had in mind?

[sparksals]

Originally Posted by Latchkey Kid

I've been thinking it would be interesting to meet other posters in person. Might shed some light on our perception of things.

I suggested you join TCT and you said you didn't have time because you're leaving. Now you want to meet people? Honestly, you're a bit contradictory. You complain no one wants to be friends or socialize. Now you're suggesting to meet the posters here?

I'm not trying to be difficult, but you complain about how unfriendly and superficial it is here, one minute you're too busy and the next you want to meet people.

I don't understand why you are complaining about the way it is here if you're not going to walk the walk.

[sparksals]

Originally Posted by Globe199

I like the name Minnesota Ice

Actually, I think an even more interesting discussion would be whether post-college adults can make close friends at all. One of my college friends had a theory that deep friendships develop best under situations most easily classified as "we're all in this together" (e.g., college). There may be something to that.

I haven't experienced that at all. I had no trouble making friends in Korea or Tucson.

[Wingfoot]

Originally Posted by sparksals

This is the whole premise of nice vs. ice. Minnesotans are nice, but don't you dare infiltrate their deeply rooted social circle - for the reasons you cited. This is why it's so hard to move here.

You said yourself that it's not a priority to make new friends and then you also suggest that we do nothing to try to make new friends. In my case, that couldn't be further from the truth. We HAVE tried. We have joined meetups, social clubs etc., yet the people from here gravitate to those from here.

I have to say all our friends are people who aren't from here. It does burn me up a bit when people imply we expect others to drop everything to be our friend. THat just isn't the case at all. The problem is we honestly TRY to meet new people, make new friends, but the established circles are locked like Ft. Knox.

I've lived in 17 states and its the same all over.Fact is 95% of the people in the US(world?)don't want to be your friend unless you have something or other they need or want.Simple.