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um...none Where are you getting SEX from? I said I only KISSED other boys and girls and they kissed each other. See post below.
(misswee post not copied)
What this poster said:
is exactly what I experienced growing up.
No, you yourself said you were attracted to younger age boys since you felt immature for your age. You did not answer if you had been a virgin when your first sexual encounter happen with your cousin.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
There is no doubt in my mind that he FEELS he was molested, by the way he's reacting to this, but I DID NOT molest him. That's just sick.
We had an idea when we were hanging out one night and we went with it.
Molesting is what happens when you force yourself on someone or you force them to do something to you. There was absolutely no force or coercion, physical or verbal, involved on either side.
If you want to say that his age alone makes it a molestation, then fine. But as far as MAKING someone do something they didn't want to do, there was absolutely none of that.
Child molestation is a crime involving a range of indecent or sexual activities between an adult and a child, usually under the age of 14. In psychiatric terms, these acts are sometimes known as pedophilia. It is important, however, to keep in mind that child molestation and childSexual Abuserefer to specific, legally defined actions. They do not necessarily imply that the perpetrator bears a particular psychological makeup or motive. For example, not all incidents of child molestation are perpetrated by pedophiles; sometimes the perpetrator has other motives for his or her actions and does not manifest an ongoing patternof sexual attraction to children. Thus, not all child molestation is perpetrated by pedophiles, and not all pedophiles actually commit child molestation.
Regardless of the terminology, it is illegal for an adult to touch any portion of a child's body with a "lewd and lascivious" intent. Usually, consent is not a matter of consideration, and is not available as a defense to a charge of child molestation. Even in cases where it can be proven that the minor victim was a willing participant, a sex act or improper touching is still a crime because children cannot legally consent to anything. Criminal penalties are severe for those convicted of child molestation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
...
Here is everything with all the questions answered.
About 10+ years ago, I fooled around with a family member. I was a teenager, and so was the family member (a couple of years younger). I never - in any way - forced myself on that family member, we were both consenting. I am a female, he was male and my first cousin. The experimentation was mostly kissing on and off throughout the years and only one time did it go further than that.
You try to minimize your activity by clever partial truths. "a couple years younger", "both consenting", "was mostly kissing on and off throughout the years". From that and begrudging adaptations to it over the course of the thread (not to mention tossing in whether sex between family members is common), I assume you have no feeling that you did anything wrong. That you should not be cut off from your cousins family because of it. I see plenty of things that make me suspicious of anything you would say. Perhaps if the cousin could give his side of the story a differing understanding could happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
I am so sad this happened. Do you think they'll ever forgive me?
No.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
ok, let me try to explain this one more time since I'm apparently not being clear enough.
I don't think anyone owes me anything.
I am more than willing to give whomever all the time they need.
I completely understand that the parents are helping their child heal and do not give a damn about me right now. I'm not angry about that.
My only purpose in starting this thread is figuring out what to say to them when the time comes to apologize (assuming I get that chance).
What I would like to convey in such an apology is that I love them and that I regret all the pain my actions have caused, that I am very sorry, that I did not mean to cause any harm, and that if I had known then what I know now, this would have never have happened and that I would do anything to take it all back.
And finally its good you know they do not owe you anything. If you are given a chance to apologize anything more than a "I was wrong, I am forever sorry.", will just cause you problems. It must be sincere.
I am willing to give them time since then need that and I know that will help, but in my mind, I'm in a big hurry to fix this because I'm very anxious about the outcome. But I know I have to wait and am totally willing to do that.
You might never have the opportunity, and you should accept that possibility.
Me, too. I have only two first cousins, my mom's sister's kids, and they always wanted us to be close. As in brother/sister close, not... that kind of close. This is just all around uncomfortable.
ok, let me try to explain this one more time since I'm apparently not being clear enough.
I don't think anyone owes me anything.
I am more than willing to give whomever all the time they need.
I completely understand that the parents are helping their child heal and do not give a damn about me right now. I'm not angry about that.
My only purpose in starting this thread is figuring out what to say to them when the time comes to apologize (assuming I get that chance).
What I would like to convey in such an apology is that I love them and that I regret all the pain my actions have caused, that I am very sorry, that I did not mean to cause any harm, and that if I had known then what I know now, this would have never have happened and that I would do anything to take it all back.
I haven't read the entire thread, but in the opening posts you said this was mutual, there was no coercion on your part.
Yet you are being held responsible? I can't speak for them but would say the reason would have to do with the age difference.
How much thought have you given to what took place over the years?
Did you realize it was wrong then or when they brought it to your attention and shut you out of their lives?
People who sincerely regret there actions don't need to ask others what to say to convey their apologies becaues its not rehearsed it comes from the heart.
About 10+ years ago, I fooled around with a family member. I was a teenager, and so was the family member (a couple of years younger). I never - in any way - forced myself on that family member, we were both consenting. My family member has now decided to tell his mother (she and I were very close) and now they say I can never come over to their house or be a part of their family anymore. He's now an adult with children and doesn't even live at home anymore (obviously). I am so sad this happened. Do you think they'll ever forgive me?
If you were his family, please tell me exactly what your thoughts and feelings would be. They won't talk to me, so I can't even begin to know how to approach them.
Please help. I am devastated about this. I was very close with them and I feel terrible about this (possibly lifelong) separation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
Maybe he does think that now, though I'm not quite sure why that would flip in his mind because he was all for it at the time.
See, where I grew up, 14 year olds and 17 year olds have the same life in term of sexual relationships, so I didn't think anything of the age difference at the time.
He didn't seem like my younger 14 year old cousin, he just seemed like my peer. I was pretty emotionally immature at the time, and maybe that has something to do with it. It didn't seem like a 17 and 14 year old getting together, it just felt like two high school kids getting together, which to me, at the time, was normal.
Our ages now are 30 and 34.
If this had happened to you son, is there ANYTHING the other person could say that would help you to forgive or understand where they're coming from?
OP, not that this changes my answers to you, but why did you start your OP with a couple (2) years difference, then 3 years difference (14 and 17), yet he's 30 and you're 34 - 4 years difference?
Was he actually 14 and you were 17 or are you fudging a little and in fact he was 13 about to turn 14?
OP, not that this changes my answers to you, but why did you start your OP with a couple (2) years difference, then 3 years difference (14 and 17), yet he's 30 and you're 34 - 4 years difference?
Was he actually 14 and you were 17 or are you fudging a little and in fact he was 13 about to turn 14?
When I said a couple, I meant a few, and when he was 14 and I was 17, he had a birthday that year and I hadn't yet. We have now both had our birthdays this year.
You try to minimize your activity by clever partial truths. "a couple years younger", "both consenting", "was mostly kissing on and off throughout the years". From that and begrudging adaptations to it over the course of the thread (not to mention tossing in whether sex between family members is common), I assume you have no feeling that you did anything wrong. That you should not be cut off from your cousins family because of it. I see plenty of things that make me suspicious of anything you would say. Perhaps if the cousin could give his side of the story a differing understanding could happen.
There are no partial truths here. He was younger (I've said exactly how much), we were both consenting and it was mostly kissing on and off throughout the years.
I've said over and over again that my actions were wrong.
If you're "suspicious" that's fine, but I haven't changed my story from the beginning. I'm looking for honest help and answers.
I've been adding on more info as people have requested it as I said I would in the beginning of the thread.
Hiding things wouldn't be beneficial, how am I supposed to find adequate answers and help if I hide things? That would completely defeat the purpose of the reason I created this thread.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattB4
And finally its good you know they do not owe you anything. If you are given a chance to apologize anything more than a "I was wrong, I am forever sorry.", will just cause you problems. It must be sincere.
I'm still on the fence about this, but I think it might be important for her to know that I didn't see what I did was wrong at the time, that I was young and immature. She may not believe me or care, but I can't live with her thinking that I tried to take advantage of her son when I know that was not the case.
People who sincerely regret there actions don't need to ask others what to say to convey their apologies becaues its not rehearsed it comes from the heart.
Normally, I would agree with you, but this is a very tender subject. If you read my recent posts, you will see where I'm struggling.
I'm still on the fence about this, but I think it might be important for her to know that I didn't see what I did was wrong at the time, that I was young and immature. She may not believe me or care, but I can't live with her thinking that I tried to take advantage of her son when I know that was not the case.
No, it is not important for her to know your justifications and rationalizations. It only might be so if you still see no wrong in your actions. And yes you can and will live with her thinking whatever she feels she wants to about it. I do not know the whole tale and I think you took advantage of the boy.
Good fortune.
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Where are you getting SEX from? I said I only KISSED other boys and girls and they kissed each other. See post below.
