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Notice how the OP sort of "broke us in" by introducing the idea with the obvious slant that the two were very close in age ("a couple of years") and teenagers, making one automatically think of probably 15- or 16-year-olds; then by stating he was 14...then by saying, well, NOW they're four years apart but that's because of how their birthdays fall...etc.
She's good at this, or thinks she is. I'm sure this is how she "broke in" her cousin too. First hand-holding, then a kiss, all the while making sure it was slow and casual enough that this pubescent little kid (10? 11? at the start?) felt part of the "blame" and therefore didn't tell, because I mean he didn't stand up and scream "No!" all of a sudden, right?...It took years, obviously, but she got what she was after.
You have quite a career ahead of you, OP. I can only shake my head in disgust. Sorry, no sympathy here. As for saying you just didn't realize how wrong it was, please...first you claim the age of 14 is fully old enough to know EXACTLY what one is doing; then, you basically admit that that was about the age you would have "started in on" this poor kid...yet, for YOU it was all innocence and you just had no concept of how bad it really was. You're a manipulator. I wouldn't let you within ten miles of any of my children, ever.
As for the "Oh, but most boys that age are just dying to get laid...by anyone...or anything" el stupido comments, folks, please, if anything, that would have worked FOR the OP. Making a young boy who's wishing he were older (which all young people really do) feel like a pansy or something for not going along with an "innocent" kiss would be, I would think, the perfect tool. I mean duh, people. And no explicit commentary about it would be necessary. It would be SO easy to manipulate a 10- or 11-year-old boy in this way. Think back to when you were 10 or 11.
I'm just sickened...okay, OP, bottom line: You want to know how and when to approach the family in order to push the blame on their then-pubescent son...er, um, I mean, to apologize. For doing something that hurt your cousin even though you had no clue you were hurting him in any way and though he was "into it". Right. My suggestion: Don't. Just don't. Just disappear and for God's sake leave these people alone. AND LEAVE OTHER PEOPLE ALONE, TOO. Today, kids do "tell". Just so's ya know.
the more you atempt to repair the relationship, it will be misinturpreted.
If you make this a focal part of your life it will drain you. Also it can lead you into other compromises you would not normally take. besides injured parties do not believe people to be able to change . it is way of having a real or false power over some one else.
Move on with your life, and keep it strait, don't be trying to impress them dismiss that whole thought out of your mind. Human make successes, mistakes happen naturally, build successes, one by one and some day on their own they may come to you .
Again , if they are not forgiving you ,after you have asked , any attempts to prove any thing will not be accepted but misinteropreted .
rehashing the event sturrs the crap from the bottom again , and keep it a part of your every day thought .
There is only one way I know of to help us through these things things in our lives, and that is making things right with God.
He is the one we offend regularly, but he provided a way of making things right we can never do for our selves. If a person wants help to live life and make this life count for something getting to know and Love God makes al the difference in the world.
Jesus Christ was sent to accomplish demonstrating God, to man, and provide a means of access to God for all who would believe in him. Jesus did not endorse buildings or religious structure, he demonstrated a living realationship with His Father (God) and provided us with the same Spirit that gave Him instruction in all his words and deeds, the Holy spirit.
When a person repents of their unbelief (sin) and asks forgivness and a new start before God , God forgives . When this pursuit is observed to find and pursue God's approval Miricals begin to occur, you never emagined . Fancy prayers are for show, not for God. if you are speaking from the heart and it is an honest representation comming out of your mouth , this transparency is attractive.
Jesus said we are held accountable for all or speach, so bear that in mind . promises you make and break devalue the quality of your words.
God does not like excuses, and He knows this access has always been available to you, even though now you are just being made aware of it by me. Those whom honestly actually seek after God , get his attention.
I have known the Lord for well over 50 years, and my dependency on him has grown as well.
I enjoy more of God's blessings than I deserve, more than any other man know.
The bible is an important book , but the only part of it i care about is the Gospel of Jesus, recorded in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and most importantly John.
But let me say this , being over educated by men's inturpretation of things is confusing, often clouding the real issues.
When you make things right with God; pray ernestly to be taught of Him and filled with his Spirit. The Holy Spirit actually reiterates the things Jesus taught.
Having the printed word is nice but having the Spirit of God teaching you is best, for many reasons you will learn.
She's good at this, or thinks she is. I'm sure this is how she "broke in" her cousin too. First hand-holding, then a kiss, all the while making sure it was slow and casual enough that this pubescent little kid (10? 11? at the start?) felt part of the "blame" and therefore didn't tell, because I mean he didn't stand up and scream "No!" all of a sudden, right?...It took years, obviously, but she got what she was after.
Shes not as good as she thinks, theres some tripping over her own tongue where she forgot what she posted, she knew it was wrong.
Heres one example:
What I thought at the time was that it would be fun, then maybe awkward for a few years and then we'd all grow up and move on.
Leave your cousin and his family alone. Stay away from them. This has obviously caused them a great deal of pain and writing a letter or trying to talk to them won't make things better. Whatever happened, happened and now it's water under the bridge. Whether it was consensual or not is something only you and he know.
Yes. It sounds like it started when she was about 14...exactly the age that she insists (when it's not her that she's talking about) a person knows 100% what one is doing when it comes to sex, and can make that decision. (Well, not for her, though. For her, she was very innocent of the knowledge that such a thing could be "really" wrong.)
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You're a manipulator. I wouldn't let you within ten miles of any of my children, ever.
Think back to when you were 10 or 11. 
as much as you want to fix your problem
(Well, not for her, though. For her, she was very innocent of the knowledge that such a thing could be "really" wrong.)