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Go to YouTube. You will find lots of videos on Yoga . . . also, are you on a healthy organic diet? Do you get massages? Have you tried EFT (also check out on YouTube)
All of these things can help detox your system.
I have a very healthy diet: vegan, no sugar or salt. Let's not play "why don't you, yes but?" I'm wanting other people who might have similar problems with their family members, per the focus of this forum.
. . . He agrees with Rush Limbaugh, thinks homosexuality is a sin (and quotes the Bible), thinks Obama is a Marxist and a Communist (without knowing the meaning of either), etc. Right wing conservative. I'm a Bertrand Russell type freethinker, atheist, animal rights advocate, liberal and beyond liberal.
He cannot tolerate interacting with anyone who's views are different than his. He can't spell, his grammar is bad, and his lines of thinking are smudgy, to say the least. I always wondered why he didn't respect me, and I think I finally understand why. He doesn't respect anyone with an education; he refers to my friends as "artsy-fartsy" and says I'm condescending. I don't think I am (just because I can spell??)
He went to a two year junior college in Arkansas; I went to a good Ivy League-type school, etc. There are social classes in this country, though we don't like to talk about it. I love this kid; I helped raise him, taught him how to walk, how to talk. He mows yards for a living now.
We have not been on good terms for a while, but he and his wife called me and were concerned I was ill (I have cancer); he told me he loved me. But honestly, there is no love in my family. They wanted me to move back to Tulsa, I think, because they want my belongings. I just wish I had a brother whom I could talk to, who loves me.
My brothers both have very different views from mine. When I see their political stuff, I "hide" it. I'm sure they do the same with mine, though with the exception of the occasional Ron Paul news, I don't post controversial things. I still love my brothers.
Maybe he blocked you on facebook because it caused too much tension to keep seeing your views that disagree with his, or because he was tired of arguing with you. Maybe he felt you were disrespectful of his friends.
You say that you accept your brother as he is, but your first post is full of complaints about him - his politics, his beliefs, his education. It looks to me like you don't respect your brother. You are disappointed in how he turned out - one of those low-class, despised right-wingers with terrible spelling. Do you think none of this comes through in your conversations?
Are you willing to believe that some of the fault may be with you?
>> Are you willing to believe that some of the fault may be with you?
One might well think that, from my OP, but I never discuss any of these things with him. I've never criticized him, or argued with him about any of this. So it's more like the mere fact of my existence is an offense to him.
My heart is just utterly, utterly broken. My brother -- my only living relative, aside from distant ones -- rejected me, again.
This time because my political/religious views are so different than his.
[He agrees with Rush Limbaugh, thinks homosexuality is a sin (and quotes the Bible), thinks Obama is a Marxist and a Communist (without knowing the meaning of either), etc. Right wing conservative. I'm a Bertrand Russell type freethinker, atheist, animal rights advocate, liberal and beyond liberal.]
He cannot tolerate interacting with anyone who's views are different than his.
[He can't spell, his grammar is bad, and his lines of thinking are smudgy, to say the least.
The comment in green is condescending and rather elitist in my opinion. You're inferring that you could truly go on, and on about how you look down your nose at his lifestyle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mvintar
He doesn't respect anyone with an education; he refers to my friends as "artsy-fartsy" and says I'm condescending.
I don't think I am (just because I can spell??)
This comment in green is sarcastic in my opinion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mvintar
He went to a two year junior college in Arkansas; I went to a good Ivy League-type school, etc.
There are social classes in this country, though we don't like to talk about it. I love this kid; I helped raise him, taught him how to walk, how to talk. He mows yards for a living now.
We have not been on good terms for a while, but he and his wife called me and were concerned I was ill (I have cancer); he told me he loved me.
But honestly, there is no love in my family. They wanted me to move back to Tulsa, I think, because they want my belongings. I just wish I had a brother whom I could talk to, who loves me.
Are you sure? Or are you simply making this up? Is it because you believe they covet what you have? Are you again holding yourself up and comparing your life with his? He did tell you he loves you but you doubt him. You sound like someone who is very difficult to please. Are you comparing your life to his? It's almost as if there are boxes you check, check, check and then dismiss him. So you went to an "Ivy League" type of school and he went to a Junior College. Seriously? Was this even worth mentioning, you seem to be comparing your life choices to his. If he's happy, and his life works for him...why do you care?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mvintar
I can't expect him (or anyone) to change their basic personality structure...I don't see how you can reject your only living sibling, based on that, particularly when they're ill. I think his character is poor.
Seems like you are constantly judging him. I can understand why he distances himself from you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mvintar
There is really not enough information in these few paragraphs to outline the history of my conflicts with him. He's 12 years younger than me; I grew up during the '60's; he was a child at that time. In the 60's I disagreed with my parents about everything: social justice issues, human rights, civil rights, the war in Viet Nam. I left home; my brother adopted my parents' views.
That's his life choice, he's not going to be like you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mvintar
But I never rejected him on that basis. He -- or anyone else, for that matter -- has every right to believe in whatever they wish. I don't question that. By why STOP LOVING a family member, because of it? It sounds really cruel to me and has been personally very, very painful.
Yes, I'm sure it's been painful, but everything that has been done and said over the years culminated with him breaking off contact.
Is it possible for you to step outside of yourself and see the world from his perspective?
My heart is just utterly, utterly broken. My brother -- my only living relative, aside from distant ones -- rejected me, again. (blocked me on Facebook). This time because my political/religious views are so different than his. We were getting along on Facebook for a while, but the differences are so great. He agrees with Rush Limbaugh, thinks homosexuality is a sin (and quotes the Bible), thinks Obama is a Marxist and a Communist (without knowing the meaning of either), etc. Right wing conservative. I'm a Bertrand Russell type freethinker, atheist, animal rights advocate, liberal and beyond liberal.
He cannot tolerate interacting with anyone who's views are different than his. He can't spell, his grammar is bad, and his lines of thinking are smudgy, to say the least. I always wondered why he didn't respect me, and I think I finally understand why. He doesn't respect anyone with an education; he refers to my friends as "artsy-fartsy" and says I'm condescending. I don't think I am (just because I can spell??)
He went to a two year junior college in Arkansas; I went to a good Ivy League-type school, etc. There are social classes in this country, though we don't like to talk about it. I love this kid; I helped raise him, taught him how to walk, how to talk. He mows yards for a living now.
We have not been on good terms for a while, but he and his wife called me and were concerned I was ill (I have cancer); he told me he loved me. But honestly, there is no love in my family. They wanted me to move back to Tulsa, I think, because they want my belongings. I just wish I had a brother whom I could talk to, who loves me.
It's painful. But after the recognition that I can't expect it to be any different, comes a certain maturity and acceptance. I have to go on with my life. I can't expect him (or anyone) to change their basic personality structure. He's 50 years old, after all; he's not going to change at this point. And I'm willing to accept his differences. I don't see how you can reject your only living sibling, based on that, particularly when they're ill. I think his character is poor.
There is really not enough information in these few paragraphs to outline the history of my conflicts with him. He's 12 years younger than me; I grew up during the '60's; he was a child at that time. In the 60's I disagreed with my parents about everything: social justice issues, human rights, civil rights, the war in Viet Nam. I left home; my brother adopted my parents' views.
But I never rejected him on that basis. He -- or anyone else, for that matter -- has every right to believe in whatever they wish. I don't question that. By why STOP LOVING a family member, because of it? It sounds really cruel to me and has been personally very, very painful.
Me and my brother went through this scenario for about 18 years. Eventually, it did change.
50 may be a little late for him to come around, but never say never. Keep trying when you feel the calling to do so.
>> Are you willing to believe that some of the fault may be with you?
One might well think that, from my OP, but I never discuss any of these things with him. I've never criticized him, or argued with him about any of this. So it's more like the mere fact of my existence is an offense to him.
He's broken off contact with you, and he has done it before in the past, so the fact that you exist isn't really a concern for him at all.
I'm pretty sure his goal in his last phone call (where he told me he loved me) was to get me to move near them; I overheard him coaching his wife about what to say to me to accomplish that. But no, I really don't want to see things from his perspective, given that he's a bigot, a racist, a fundamentalist Bible thumper, etc. But again, I've never said these things to him.
These are the circumstances now, but the long history of this, since I left home in 1967, is that he has betrayed me over and over again. Things are just bad now, but believe me, you don't have the whole story. Drugs, alcohol, conning my mother out of money for his supposed photographic card business (which didn't exist)...there is much more here than I'm willing to relate.
If I had criticized him for these things, that would be one thing. But mostly I've been following my own professional and personal goals and he hasn't been a part of my life, ever. Any time I've interacted with him, it was in a loving and supportive way. I gave him a computer, for example, so he'd start using one. I didn't criticize him; I didn't look down on him. Only in the last couple of weeks have I realized how different we are. Until I starting thinking about it -- and writing about it -- I didn't realize how much he resented me.
And if it sounds like I was being cold, in leaving, I didn't have much of a choice; mother was a vicious bigot, constantly talking about Jesus but never living what she preached. It was a horrible environment, especially for a free thinker. I was told I was going to hell, and all the rest of it--all the while, she hated minorities, Catholics, Asians. It was insane, honestly. I always thought he'd overcome all that, but he didn't.
OP....I have empathy for your situation. But, it appears in the next couple of posts that you are rejecting him also. It may be that he feels judged by you....you did mention several times in your first post the various differences, your education, his, his job, his political views. It is sad....I've seen people destroy relationships over this type non-important stuff. Reach out to him....perhaps even the facebook was an error, you won't know til you ask. Tell him you love him....He is losing his only relative too. Not trying to bash you...honestly trying to put some perspective on this. I had two brothers that quit talking, they never spent another day w/ each other again....One died alone in a hotel...the other is very ill. Life is not easy....but family matters too much to let petty differences interfere.
OP....I have empathy for your situation. But, it appears in the next couple of posts that you are rejecting him also. It may be that he feels judged by you....you did mention several times in your first post the various differences, your education, his, his job, his political views. It is sad....I've seen people destroy relationships over this type non-important stuff. Reach out to him....perhaps even the facebook was an error, you won't know til you ask. Tell him you love him....He is losing his only relative too. Not trying to bash you...honestly trying to put some perspective on this. I had two brothers that quit talking, they never spent another day w/ each other again....One died alone in a hotel...the other is very ill. Life is not easy....but family matters too much to let petty differences interfere.
Did you not read what I wrote? Family doesn't matter if it's toxic. There's another thread in this forum that addresses that. Anyway, I'm unsubscribing from this and all others posts. I should have known better than to expect anyone to understand.
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