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I just had a phone call with my mother about this. She being 85 and at her age wanting to keep in touch with EVERYONE because "that is what families should do". UGH!!! Really? Life is not a Disney movie. She firmly believes that if you stop talking to someone in your family you will "live to regret it". NOT!!! I haven't spoken to my sister in years, my brother doesn't talk to any of his siblings in years and my mother forces herself on family members by inviting them out for meals. I forgot to ask her if she likes the idea that people go out of obligation...or a free meal. Because some of these people she is breaking bread with NEVER get in touch with her at all unless she initiates it AND she does point that out. She behaves really pained about all of this and I just shrug my shoulders and tell her people are very different and do what they need to for themselves.
She feels we should all tolerate everyone's quirks, character flaws...etc.,. I told her, yeah good luck with that.
Besides criminal activity or utter betrayal, I don't get why siblings wouldn't be good friends.
But it was something our parents drilled into us from day one - that when they were gone, we would have each other to lean on, count on, relate to...
It's also another person who knows you pretty much your whole life and shares your history.
Are you good friends with everyone you're tossed together with for no reason other than chance?
My father said the same things your parents did. But guess what? He was wrong, and while your parents might have been correct for your family, it doesn't work that way in many families. No, siblings are NOT always there for each other to lean on, count on, or relate to. And no, siblings do NOT necessarily know one anothers' whole lives or even share their history. My sisters are 9, 10, and 14 years older than I am. The eldest went to college when I was 4 and never lived at home again. I barely even know the woman, and what I do know, is toxic and sociopathic. But even if she wasn't a malignant narcissist, I just plain never liked her when I was around her, even when I was small. I'm not fond of another sister, either. She's selfish and mad at the whole world over her son's death a few years ago, to the point where she has driven a lot of people away, people who did a lot for her during that tough time, myself included.
Life is too short for that crap, so please, save the pollyanna stuff for fairy tales.
I have to say that after reading so many posts, it's comforting to know that there are others out there with situations like mine. People think it's weird that I don't communicate with my brothers because: brothers. Well, when you realize that your relationship with a sibling will bring you more heartburn than joy... When you realize that the relationship may actually jeopardize your well being... What is the purpose of a relationship like that?
My bros were NEVER there for me as I was growing up and in my early adulthood. Their lives are messes now. Why would I ever invite that into my family's life? Blood isn't a good enough reason.
My brothers and sisters and I are very close and we talk by phone at least once a week and by email even more often. Even though we live in different cities we make an effort to see each other often.
So when I met my wife I was shocked how little she talks to her brothers and sisters. They only see each other at Christmas and don't communicate at all the rest of the year. They spend most of Christmas staring at the TV and making small talk that is incredibly shallow and boring. We put in an appearance and spend lots of time looking at our watchs figuring out why our four hour obligation seems like a lifetime. (There must be something wrong with our watches!!)
So how common is the family that only sees each other on Christmas and does not talk any other time of year?
I've got 5 siblings, never talk to any of them unless I have to. Don't hate them, quite the contrary. Just no need. I haven't seen any of them since my Father passed 8 years ago. It's not normal but, it's not unheard of either. Chances are, the next time we'll meet is at a gravesite but, it's doubtful all will show. If any.
Haven't seen my full sister in 14 years and before that it was 18. Mom set that one up early sadly and we can't seem to get past it . Even close family members asked her to not so obviously favor my sister.. like loudly .. many times .
My half sisters not since 2002 when dad died and they sued my full sister and I over half of what he gave us ... AWKWARD !!!!!!!!!!!
I don't enjoy this , it is what it is. Plus my full sister is a diagnosed schizophrenic , which makes it hell to try to make things better . I do take care of her but from a distance. I DO make sure she has the best care possible in her area about 700 miles away.
My brother and I don't have any problems in our relationship, but we've never been close. We typically see each other a few times a year, in some combination or the holidays, important family functions, and trips with parents. Outside of these occasions our only contact is birthday e-cards and coordination around family matters. I don't see this as a problem. I'm glad we get along fine and don't feel we need to have a deep relationship.
I see my siblings once a year at most, never at the same time, and never for more than a couple of days. We might text a happy birthday or an occasional, did you hear X, but it rarely goes beyond that. I don't dislike them, but we are all very different people with little in common, other than our parents. It's been like that since we were young and I am not motivated to change it, nor are they.
The brother of one of my closest friends moved out of country 10 years ago. In those 10 years, my friend has seen his brother once, spoken to him twice, and emailed once every other year. Again, no bitterness, just nothing to keep them in closer contact.
Unless you need a kidney, then there is no reason why a sibling relationship is superior to a friend relationship. As long as you have someone that you can trust in your life, then who cares if it isn't your brother or sister?
Honestly my sister has always just talked to me when she wants something. It's gotten to the point that I am just sick and tired of her now. I don't know why I let it go on this long except for the fact that she guilt tripped me. If I didn't give her money or something, she would talk about how selfish I was. I've had her on my phone plan for over two years, and only three times has given me money for it.
I am just finally fed up and I saw through my company that I can change plans for a lot cheaper. I get everything that I have with my phone plan now, plus more for a lot cheaper. The problem is I can't put her on it. I can only put a spouse, common law, or my kids on it. So I explained to her this. She automatically told me that I was screwing her over and thanks a lot. I told her I was tired of her not paying her end of the phone bill. She told me I was such a selfish person to do this to her.
Five years ago, I gave her and her boyfriend $600 when he wrecked the car. I never did get that money back. She always hit me up for money, and it's been going on for over ten years. Three years ago I gave her money to stop her from getting evicted from her house. Two years ago she promised that she would pay me every month if I put her on my plan. She hasn't. A month ago I was sick for a week, so I didn't go to work. I didn't get any money that week obviously. She still hit me up for money knowing that I was sick.
The resentment has been building up for a while, especially since she only talks to me when she wants money. When we are together, she is extremely bitchy to me. Last week when I was telling my family about a trip I went on, she interrupted and told me that no one cared. Then she launched in about her own story about being drunk with her friends.
At the moment I don't even want to talk to her. I should never have let things go on this long with her. I just hate being called selfish and inconsiderate, but I guess I'm going to have to start being those things. I don't care anymore.
My brother's just a two-face jerk. His friends love him but he's an absolute d_ck to me. Hence, no talk. Add to that he's just an emotional and psychological bully. This is why I hate holidays.
I remember when I was busted at 10 yrs old with porn and he practically teased me about it, calling me "porno boy", getting behind me to swing his a foot at my feet so I'd trip as I walked. He never stood up for me, and when my friends' parents asked how he was I said good things about him and if not at least kept it neutral and vague like "Oh, he's doing fine. Ya, know, breathing involuntary just like the parents." They chuckled and said, "Well that's good." Him? He let all my personal failures out when his friends asked about me. Damn b_stard doesn't know when to keep things private, respect other people's tolerances, despite me keeping a very personal aspect of himself private as I promised. I seriously think there's a teeny tiny miniature sociopath within him.
The last five years I text him on his birthday because "he's my brother" and if I didn't my mom would hear about it; Christmas time is just an obligation to get him a present so I did it the American way: gift card. No thought whatsoever and I simply couldn't care less. Plus he's an emotional twit when politics are involved in any talk we have.
As I said, he has a good reputation amongst his friends and even my mom's friends (they love him, think he's super duper talented and awesome), but I see him in a completely different light. To me, he failed me as a brother. And to think I actually wrote an essay of him when I was in 8th grade saying how I looked up to him.
I have 3 older brothers and no sisters. They're into drugs (pot) and alcohol. I talk to one of my brothers often just because we live under the same roof. I feel like we are not all that close anymore. Its most likely because of drugs and alcohol. I'm not into that ***** and I don't want any of it in my life. Anyways, its too bad my brothers can't make better decisions.
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