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While you're generosity is nice. I think it might be somewhat insulting to your relatives.... you know what I mean... sometimes people have pride and don't want to accept handouts and the like.
It becomes a pride thing for some people.
While I'm not rich, not even close... I'm certainly doing much much better than 10 bucks an hour and I got there myself and have earned it.
Maybe your relatives can and should do the same.
That doesn't mean that people can't accept a "hand up"......just not a hand out......
I have a realistic view on people including family. In my view one should help people to help themselves. I would help a relative only in two cases: 1) Help a relative to return or enter college 2) Help a relative to secure a job after college. I think that is the only things I would help a relative with but giving people handouts is wrong. Government continues to do this – they help dropouts, criminals and irresponsible Americans (or immigrants) instead of the college educated (or trade educated) middle and working class Americans who cannot find jobs. The priority should be to help people who can and want to better themselves and don’t mind the others. Bill Gates has billions of dollars. Instead of spending his money helping Americans to find jobs and develop skills and experience (like not sending his factories to China) he shovels his money into fruitless liberal causes.
He rather helps people who don’t want to or cannot better themselves. This is the liberal mentality - give handouts and ask nothing in return. Handouts only make someone temporarily happy – it’s like giving a bottle of water to the thirsty instead of giving the thirsty a shovel so they can dig is own well. One of the reason why foreign never works is that the liberals (and Christians) send food, water and shelter to poor people in third world countries instead of giving them what they need to improve themselves like basic skills in agriculture and simple manufacturing. The food the liberals send end up in the hands of corrupt government but mostly it just shatters small business. The farmer cannot sell is rice on the market because it is flooded by US-market rice.
Liberals don’t get this because they never really care of helping people for real. My parents are upper-middle class Boston-liberals. They are true Hillary Clinton-fans. When I was unemployed after college (couldn’t even get a McJob) they rather paid my rent, invited me for expensive vacations to Europe and gave me handouts instead of helping me to find a job. Why? Well, it was just so much easier for them to give me money – it was “fast fix” for them. They thought they acted virtuously but they actually didn’t because I was not in need of handouts but a first job. I hate the liberal mentality because it is nothing more than personal hedonism for rich people. They see people, including their own children as pets instead of humans that (if they were given a chance) could be producing members of the society. Get rid of all handouts and help those who can and will better themselves and **** the rest. We would be much more productive, richer and better society.
My husband and I are doing quite well financially. We both make a very large income and have lots of money left over after we pay our bills. We also have been doing quite well with our investments. Getting great jobs and making lots of money was a combination of luck, good fortune based on some gambles, and committing ourselves to education and professional development.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour) are not doing so well financially. All of them are hard workers and most of them work 2-3 jobs. They are always working but can't get their heads above water due to expenses in our inflationary times.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
** Sorry to report I am not Bill Gates but we are doing fine.
I don't know whether you should or not. Fine by me either way.
But if I was tempted to help out, I think I might focus on helping them get the training they need for better jobs.
For example, if your sister was struggling to get by as a CNA, I might offer to help her figure out and pay for a training to be an RN, or a surgical tech, or some other career that would offer her a better shot at a decent living.
I might offer to help hardworking relatives with vocational testing and counseling and supplement tuition loans.
If your relatives have cognitive impairments that limit their vocational aspirations, I might be tempted to buy them homes to live in, so they could use the money they make to live on.
Sending people checks every month seems like a bottomless pit to me.
On the other hand, as I get older I find the things I regret most in life are the times I could have been kind yet was not.
I remember the term "old money", being thrown around a lot in the past. It never seemed to help prepare the people to be self sufficient. I agree that your efforts should be in helping your family improve their skills and education, and always be given with love. I think Bill & Warren feel they are not doing their children any favors by handing them all their money.
I remember the term "old money", being thrown around a lot in the past. It never seemed to help prepare the people to be self sufficient. I agree that your efforts should be in helping your family improve their skills and education, and always be given with love. I think Bill & Warren feel they are not doing their children any favors by handing them all their money.
Even new money doesn't seem to help much. We have several friends and relatives who have bought cars, paid tuition, etc. for their children. Our kids complained constantly about how so-and-so's parents paid for this-and-that and how it wasn't fair they had to hold down jobs and take out loans.
Our kids are all in their thirties now. Our kids are the only ones who are supporting themselves. The others are relying on spouses and handouts from parents.
I can see why Bill Gates and Warren Buffet made it clear their kids needed to do something with their lives besides wait for their inheritance.
However, hardworking but poor siblings are another matter. You really don't have a hand in raising them. Still, I would focus any financial assistance on helping them improve their lot in life, rather than simply cover the current bills.
I have had Cancer, Many Surgeries, organ removals and hard Chemo , now a couple years ago a stroke. My Husband works hard very very hard labor many years and is now Supervising a lot. Thank goodness... He had a heart defect and had major surgery a couple of years ago. We do not Drink , Party or Smoke.
We have had n0 good fortune only medical bills and more medical bills. My M0m saved our house. ...literally. Thank goodness. We have two Children. We have gone through all of this in our 40s.
My little Brother and his Wife make a fortune. They make a lot lot lot of money. They travel with their kids etc, buy very expensive cars and clothes, $800 shoes , have a million dollar home fabulous pools, and her parents live in a 5 million dollar home and are loaded.
I’m beginning to resent my Brother terribly. I’m not Jealous!!! I’m disappointed in him as a person. The reason being....HE HAS NEVER EVER HELPED US OUT ONCE! Over this 12 year period of serious HEALTH PROBLEMS AND suffering our kids and Family has gone through etc.
I just had a Grad party for my Son ....he my wealthy Little Bro gave him a whopping $100.00. I’m sure he will get a lovely college education with that!! Wow weee.....how very generous for ONE OF his only 2 BLOOD NEPHEWS That was the final straw.
I’ve never said anything to him yet ewww it’s so hard!!!!!!! My Mom says your just jealous when I said something to her l. I had it with that ....and said she had backwards thinking and not to insult me I think as a Mother she should be displeased with his selfishness. I know I would be!!!!! My Father thinks it’s horrible. Oh my Father had open Heart and astroke and just stayed with me for the last 7 months. My Brother did not call Help bring money, food to help tNOTHING!
Oh he has Nanny’s and House cleaners..... He did bring his family on several vacations however one being Hawaii! WHILE I was cleaning waiting on my Father making appoints and swinging doors for nurses. Gee really happy for him.
On the other hand My OTHER OLDER Brother is so giving I wish he was the one with Money. He deserves it more.
MY ANSWER IS !!!!!! OF COURSE !!!! YOU SHOULD HELP YOUR OWN FAMILY OR A FRIEND WHO HAS STOOD BY YOU FOR YEARS....IF YOU HAVE THE MEANS TO. ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE having UNCONTROLLABLE HEALTH SITUATIONS. That are devastating to our and our Children’s future. I can no longer afford to see the Doctor. I hope he enjoys his trips..... my kids have never been anywhere. Except to the Hospitals. This is not about being Proud it’s ... we really needed help.
Do you WANT TO BE REMEMBERED AS A ANGEL OR A SELFISH JERK. MY AUNTS UNCLES COUSINS THINK LOW OF HIM. MY VERY GIVING GRANDMA ..God BLESS HER SOUL... WOULD BE DISGUSTED!!! I’m sure she watches from above and wants to knock on his head!!! THER IS NO OTHER ANSWER TO THE QUESTION.
ALSO, YES GIVE YOUR MONEY TO THOSE WHO ARE SUFFERING FROM THE DISEASES AND NOT THE FOUNDATIONS . THEY NEED THE MONEY TO PAY RENT SO THEY CAN ACTUALLY SEE a DOCTOR!!! PAY ELECTRIC BILLS. They THE foundations are full of it....do not help the sick who are suffering already from the Cancers etc. take my word for it I know!!! I could tell you several stories on that one. Go to a benefit or just give to a neighbor who is ill instead!!! They need the financial help. Thank you for reading this is very near and dear to me.
Last edited by Honesty and Peace; 07-20-2018 at 01:10 PM..
Reason: Paragraphs
Since we've never been thanked for any of the monetary gifts we've given young family members, it's good to see what the thinking on the other side is. In our own defense, though, how were we supposed to know that since we had no children of our own, we were supposed to be putting theirs through college? Though we probably wouldn't be thanked for that, either.
It is usually a good idea to model the behavior you expect to see in others. It is certainly more effective than screaming.
Since we've never been thanked for any of the monetary gifts we've given young family members, it's good to see what the thinking on the other side is. In our own defense, though, how were we supposed to know that since we had no children of our own, we were supposed to be putting theirs through college? Though we probably wouldn't be thanked for that, either.
It is usually a good idea to model the behavior you expect to see in others. It is certainly more effective than screaming.
FWIW I think a $100 graduation gift is generous myself. Hopefully the son shows his gratitude and knows by now how to put it to the best use. Sad; this rant coming from a member titled Honesty and Peace? Maybe need to rethink that one.
Gonna speak with Honesty here: While I am sorry for your troubles, nothing about your rant against your brother left me feeling much sympathy for you. Might as well stop protesting that you are not jealous. You are, and it's not pretty. Your point could have been better presented because, this, frankly, just makes you look bad.
You said, "Do you WANT TO BE REMEMBERED AS A ANGEL OR A SELFISH JERK."
Do think about that further.
Peace.
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