is it really that weird to live with your parents even though you have a full time job? (jealous, presents)
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We are a very tight family, and I never wanted my Sons to leave home, they were welcome to live there as long as they wanted. In fact, my one Son stayed until he was 28. It didn't teach them irresponsibility, they both turned out fine and are self sufficient, productive adults. They simply knew we loved them and were not kicking them to the curb because they got a little older.
I think as long as you are financially able, you should kick in a reasonable amount every month. That could go into your Parents retirement fund, or help defray their monthly living expenses now. You should also be the kind of "roommate" who is invisible. Do your own cooking, cleaning, and laundry, and generally , treat the place as if you were living in your own place.
If your friends think it is weird, get new friends or tell them to mind their own business.
Don
My sons are also welcome to live at home as long as they want. One has his dream job nearby, and he's been getting called back for interviews there. IF that comes to fruition, he knows he is welcome to live at home IF HE WANTS for as long as he wants. He knows he will have to pay for his portion of the cell phone (we are all on a family plan, which he can stay on, because it is cheaper than him getting his own individual plan), his car insurance, rent, etc. He already pitches in at home when he is here without being asked, so that is no concern at all. We've even discussed the possibility of doing some remodeling so he might have his own "space within the space", as the square footage is quite large.
I know people that left at 18 and some that never left and every age in between. Every person and family is different.
From the people I know in that situation the ones whose parents are older didn't care if the kids stayed. It was the ones whose parents were in their 20's when they had children that seem to want them out. These parents never got to do the things that people do in the 20' and 30's without kids and now they want to make up for it.
Did you ever think of buying your parents home and having them live with you? That is more common than people think.
I think it depends upon a person's circumstances. My family were dairy farmers, and there was always a place to pitch in. In addition, finding a place to maintain "your own space" wasn't hard, just as when my Dad's brothers had previously set out on their own.
Separate household maintenance once you finish your education gives more of a sense of self-worth, but it can carry a heavy price tag, especially once the higher tax rates on "marginal" income and spending are factored in. And an understanding family can help its offspring live moe economically, and build up some savings / capital for the obligations of later life.
OP, ignore the haters. There is nothing wrong or weird about living at home in order to save up for a down payment on a home. I have a married cousin who moved back into his parents 6,000 sq ft home after medical school. After living there for a few years, him and his wife (also a doctor) were able to buy their first home outright.
It would be different if you were a lazy, unemployed bum. But that obviously isn't the case..........
You know, I can agree with this, after reading it seems as in the back of every ones head, they are seeing otherwise, is it weird, sure it is, by the stigmata of a child should be gone by 18, but it's only truly weird if he said he was 31, or 41. As long as you have a goal, and doing this is simply a means to an end, and of course you are just 21, I'd say it isn't too big a deal. I was collecting apartment books at 16, with this delusion I would be able to live on my own. In this day and age, I'd be surprised if more people didn't either do that, or get public housing, or some other alternative. Some people will do anything to get out, but really, it's kinda a smart move to stay with mom & pops, if little money is required of you to spend- stack it up. You don't seem like too much of a free spirit, so let it keep working.
Not 'weird' at all and depending on the circumstances and expectations of additional responsibility and accountability as an 'adult', it can be good or bad depending on how well your parents enable you to grow. From what you've described it seems they baby you too much and hinder your maturation of responsibility. I can't speak for you but I'd think establishing a set of boundaries / expectations with your parents based on living in home post college would be wise.
I can give you a bit of context of where I'm coming from here in this old post.
If your parents still baby you after undergrad and want to 'direct' your decisions too strongly, you may want to look into an arrangement like living with a roommate in an area fairly close with reasonable cost benefit for your new 'job'. See how you do with budgeting for yourself and living expenses.
If you have a good relationship with your parents and can come to some reasonable arrangement go for it. It would behoove you to begin thinking like a 'homeowner' if you want to 'buy your own house or get rental units' as investment. Most people who do so start out doing the maintenance themselves to make it work. So do the requisite things you would while living with your parents post college that you would have to do for yourself. It's like free training! And make some sort of rental payment to parents to create the routine. You can do things like make an occasional meal, do yard work, clean th ehouse, laundry etc.. a
And congrats on the social living outlook on living with parents. I did so during my 20s and was still able to grow in responsibility and accountability. My social time was consumed primarily by outdoor activity with friends in small groups for the time that I wasn't in grad school or working part time extra jobs. Have you been living at home the whole time you have been an undergrad?
If so, you may want to get a room mate just to ease into the sharing space with others mode. It could be a good 'preparation' also for when you meet someone of opposite sex you like. I.E. The learning to communicate, reciprocate and adapt which it seems from your formative years up to now has not been the case.
I know people that left at 18 and some that never left and every age in between. Every person and family is different.
From the people I know in that situation the ones whose parents are older didn't care if the kids stayed. It was the ones whose parents were in their 20's when they had children that seem to want them out. These parents never got to do the things that people do in the 20' and 30's without kids and now they want to make up for it.
Did you ever think of buying your parents home and having them live with you? That is more common than people think.
my parents had me fairly late in life. My mom actually stayed with her parents before she got married (but after she finished college) and even for a bit after (my dad was a contractor(consultant?) back then, so he didn't have a stable job/location. My mom worked as a nurse and obviously didn't want to keep on quitting jobs just to follow my dad).
ya, I have thought about buying my parents home when I get older actually, but it's out of my foreseeable future/budget. Not to brag, but the house is like 800k right now, and houses nearby are selling for like 900k - 1 million. I can't afford that, my parents would have to give me a "Discount". Maybe if I marry really well.
Not 'weird' at all and depending on the circumstances and expectations of additional responsibility and accountability as an 'adult', it can be good or bad depending on how well your parents enable you to grow. From what you've described it seems they baby you too much and hinder your maturation of responsibility. I can't speak for you but I'd think establishing a set of boundaries / expectations with your parents based on living in home post college would be wise.
I can give you a bit of context of where I'm coming from here in this old post.
If your parents still baby you after undergrad and want to 'direct' your decisions too strongly, you may want to look into an arrangement like living with a roommate in an area fairly close with reasonable cost benefit for your new 'job'. See how you do with budgeting for yourself and living expenses.
If you have a good relationship with your parents and can come to some reasonable arrangement go for it. It would behoove you to begin thinking like a 'homeowner' if you want to 'buy your own house or get rental units' as investment. Most people who do so start out doing the maintenance themselves to make it work. So do the requisite things you would while living with your parents post college that you would have to do for yourself. It's like free training! And make some sort of rental payment to parents to create the routine. You can do things like make an occasional meal, do yard work, clean th ehouse, laundry etc.. a
And congrats on the social living outlook on living with parents. I did so during my 20s and was still able to grow in responsibility and accountability. My social time was consumed primarily by outdoor activity with friends in small groups for the time that I wasn't in grad school or working part time extra jobs. Have you been living at home the whole time you have been an undergrad?
If so, you may want to get a room mate just to ease into the sharing space with others mode. It could be a good 'preparation' also for when you meet someone of opposite sex you like. I.E. The learning to communicate, reciprocate and adapt which it seems from your formative years up to now has not been the case.
My two cents..FWIW
Well I've been living in an dorm and then an apartment style dorm for the past 3.5 years, so I know what it is like having a roommate.
I was ready to move and get the he\\ out of dodge when I graduated college. I know everyone is different though. I think it's fine as long as there is a purpose (saving for downpayment on home etc).
Offer? Why don't you just PAY for this stuff? You don't need your parents' permission to pay for any of these things.
How exactly am I suppose to pay when they don't take the money and lecture me instead?
I can't call up the companies and be like, hey i'm going to pay like 1/3 of the bill. Ignore the fact I'm not even listed and most of it's like automatic bill pay.
I only go clothing shopping with my mom. I've pulled out my card at the register, only for my mom to tell me to stop embarrassing her.
How about you say to them: "Some people think its weird for an adult with a salary to live at home with her parents. Like that would be an obstacle to personal growth..... Mom, Dad, what do you think?"
This will give them a chance to tell you their thinking about both the abstract concept of an adult living with parents and also their own feelings about you being there. If they believe, with some basic understanding, that you living there is a good idea then I think you should go for it if its what you want right now.
this is good advice. Thank you.
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