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OP, if it makes you feel better, my husband and I (no kids) are moving in with my in laws for a few months. We're doing it because:
1) there's 8x more job openings with less "purple unicorn" requirements than over here. "Purple Unicorns" are job ad that says you need an associate's degree and 5 years experience to make $13/hour at an entry level job. Over at my in laws state, entry level IS entry level, none of this "purple unicorn bullcrap".
2) We're moving with our last $200, after struggling for months to make our situation work.
3) In-laws are happy about us moving in, they miss my husband and they know it's temporary. They even begged us to consider moving, my father in TN even begged me, my professor even begged their students to "leave the state, there's no future here for young ones starting their careers". The only ones wanting us to stay, were my family who thought we weren't trying hard enough, who said getting jobs were easy despite them being in the mid-end stage of their careers.
4) I hate the idea of moving in with my in-laws, but in this case it's a good idea. While living at home in his younger years, my husband didn't pay attention to his city. He never had to learn to drive, he walked everywhere. unlike my city, his city EXPLODED. His city is virtually unrecognizable now, I'm the one that can drive (that will soon change), it being a new state and the fact that it takes a long time for me to get used to a new area, I'd rather move in with someone familiar with the area than be by myself. I'm known as directionally challenged in my family (I get it from my mother), I've gotten lost in my own city plenty of times before much to my embarrasment. GPS doesn't help at all, I can't drive and pay attention to the GPS at the same time, it's a distraction.
5)it's easier now probably because my sister in law is 14, and still living with mom and dad, if they were by themselves we'd probably think twice about asking, but my in-laws are very kind people, they are the type to open their homes to anyone, no matter what (they grew up with that mentality through the generations, it's normal for them to have adults live with their parents, that's why the adult children were able to save so much money and why most are well off later in life, because they got that kind of help, which you guys call "mooching". From my understanding, some Indians and Chinese and Singaporeans and Italians do this too). I guess that's true Mexican hospitality there.
Can you please all pass these feelings and opinions on to the overwhelming number of people (wasn't the latest statistic 40%) who not only live at home forever, but then bring their bf's, gf's, and children in tow with them back to the 'family home'? I have never (aside from myself, my sister, and one friend) heard of one adult living completely on their own without a roommate, bf/gf, or spouse).
I am an adult, in my mid 50s who has not returned home and never lived with a bf/gf or spouse. However I did adopt 4 kids at various times. They however are a financial liability, not a financial asset
Americans and their weird insistence that once you're 18, you're out of the house because as an adult a parent's job is done. Sorry, but it's NEVER done unless you're 6 feet under.
Your parents are miffed because they think you moving back will be permanent. If you explain it's going to be temporary, they might be more open. I honestly don't see the big issue. I've been raised in multi-generational homes and I didn't move out until I was 24. My husband moved out at 17, and frankly he was under so much stressed when he moved out that early.
I can't tell which is better, to live with your parents even in the later years or to ditch them at 18, but I can tell you this: I would never make fun of someone if they needed to move back in with their parents temporarily while they get their careers in order.
I've never really understood it either. It's like you should also get married ASAP b/c you're at that legal age. No, while folks should get married eventually, probably buy their own houses, and ditto with moving out, there should be a case-by-case for when the individual's actually ready.
I've heard of families live at home with their parents in TX for many years. It wasn't until their 2 grown sons got married sometime in their 30s, with one of them having kids that they finally got their own place. The 2 "kids" managed to save hundreds of thousands of $$ by pooling all of their resources together.
I never understood paying rent if you moved back home with your parents. Most people move back home with their parents because they can't pay rent, due to having fallen on hard times. If they could pay rent, they wouldn't have moved home in the first place. There are some legit concerns I've heard and read here on C-D that kids may mooch off their parents. Well, that's another matter entirely.
I don't know a single person who moved out at 18 in the late 70s and early 80s. Left for college, yes, and many didn't return to the family home after graduating, but I don't consider going to college "moving out". You experience and opinions are not representative of my world.
We still have one adult son living at home. He's a college graduate, and working. We enjoy his company for the few hours a week he's around, and see no reason to tell him to get out.
Hmmmm, I did. I moved out at 17, in 1980. Yes, I left for college, but never lived in a dorm, had a full time job, and college was 2000 miles away. My parents never paid a penny towards my living expenses, I only traveled back to visit the first Christmas, and never moved closer to them for the next 30 years.
You are correct in assuming that my experience is not representative of your world. You do sound just like a very good friend of mine, who has said the exact same thing about their adult college grad son. He's now over 30, works at Kinkos, and they had to buy a townhome that he could live in in order for him to leave the nest. They saw no reason to tell him to get out, and he didn't either. Until it hit them that they had a 30 year old child living in their basement, and then it was too late. They certainly did him no favors.
Hmmmm, I did. I moved out at 17, in 1980. Yes, I left for college, but never lived in a dorm, had a full time job, and college was 2000 miles away. My parents never paid a penny towards my living expenses, I only traveled back to visit the first Christmas, and never moved closer to them for the next 30 years.
You are correct in assuming that my experience is not representative of your world. You do sound just like a very good friend of mine, who has said the exact same thing about their adult college grad son. He's now over 30, works at Kinkos, and they had to buy a townhome that he could live in in order for him to leave the nest. They saw no reason to tell him to get out, and he didn't either. Until it hit them that they had a 30 year old child living in their basement, and then it was too late. They certainly did him no favors.
Ah, my son isn't in the basement. He has a large bedroom with a private bath. He's also working in the field he got a degree in, right here in town. He works 70+ hours a week. How exactly are we ruining him by letting him stay in one of our three empty bedrooms?
Why is it that families that families who don't feel the need to splinter when the kids reach the magical age of 18 are denigrated? I have three sons. The oldest, and the youngest, are not living here, because they are following their passions elsewhere. Should they want to return, they would be welcome. Should they want to take advantage of an empty room here while exploring other options, such as the OP, I see no reason to refuse.
A lot of the 18 and out crowd seem to have huge chips on their shoulders. It's sad.
Ah, my son isn't in the basement. He has a large bedroom with a private bath. He's also working in the field he got a degree in, right here in town. He works 70+ hours a week. How exactly are we ruining him by letting him stay in one of our three empty bedrooms?
Why is it that families that families who don't feel the need to splinter when the kids reach the magical age of 18 are denigrated? I have three sons. The oldest, and the youngest, are not living here, because they are following their passions elsewhere. Should they want to return, they would be welcome. Should they want to take advantage of an empty room here while exploring other options, such as the OP, I see no reason to refuse.
A lot of the 18 and out crowd seem to have huge chips on their shoulders. It's sad.
Mattie has good points BUT too many kids are like the 30 year old in the basement. Even ones working a high paying job aren't necessarily saving any of their money. Plenty are not. We don't know how they will turn out if they are mommy'ed too much indefinitely.
I also doubt I could have an adult relationship with another while mom and dad are down the hall. Also dealing with them in the morning, shudder, no thanks.
My issue is that I just can't understand the 20-somethings who don't WANT to be out on their own. Sure, I know there are people with a horrible family life who are eager to get out, but I had a pretty normal upbringing, with an intact family of origin, and I was very eager to get out and learn to live on my own.
I went away to college at 18, came home on breaks freshman and sophomore years. Then for Junior and Senior years, I lived off campus with other people, and had a job (or two), so I would no longer go home for the long breaks, but I still called my parents' house "home." When I graduated college, my friends and I all rented a house together, and I guess at that point I was officially "out" of my parents' home.
I could not imagine moving back home and going back into that daughter role again. Even the people who pay room & board to their parents and who have no "rules" living with their parents are still in the son/daughter role. For example, even though there may not be a curfew for a young adult, there's still that "consideration" you have to show about telling them where you're going and when you'll be back.
Sure people can complain that rents are high, but I lived in NJ and the PA suburbs, where the rents have always been high. No I could not afford my own apartment right away, so I had a lot of roommates. Renting a house would be expensive, but not for four of us splitting expenses. Those are the years in which I learned about budgeting my money, paying bills, handling household maintenance, etc. My peers who still lived with parents didn't seem to have that knowledge. Of course I was still in a transitional stage in which I still went home to have my Dad do stuff to my car, or to borrow some kitchen item or serving pieces from my mom, and Dad would slip me $50 here and there when I'd visit, but I was for the most part out of the nest.
I also didn't get my dream job right out of college, but it didn't make me move back home. I kept working in retail until I found my first job in mental health. And since the starting salary was so low, I continued to also work in retail. Finally at age 24 I could afford my own apartment, working a full time job plus a part time job, and budgeting VERY carefully. I could have gone on living with roommates longer, but at that point in my life, having my own place was most important to me. Of course I could not live in a luxurious place or even a place that was comparable to where I grew up. But I accepted that. I was in my 20s and would live in a decent little blue-collar neighborhood for a few years; no big deal.
It seems that too many 20-somethings today want to stay in their parents' homes, with all the amenities rather than move out into a "starter" situation which means roommates, second-hand furniture, strict budgeting, and a neighborhood that's less than what they are used to. they also seem to not be accepting of a "starter job" in which they might do grunt work and not make a very high salary. My starting salary in my first job in my field was $16,500 in 1992. According to the BLS inflation calculator that would be $28,027 today. I made it work, and I'm not so special. No reason why the young adults today can't do it unless it's a choice.
I can say that I got SO MUCH out of those years (this was the 90s) and many of my peers who stayed home in those years still seem to not have the life skills I feel I have even 20 years later.
My issue is that I just can't understand the 20-somethings who don't WANT to be out on their own. Sure, I know there are people with a horrible family life who are eager to get out, but I had a pretty normal upbringing, with an intact family of origin, and I was very eager to get out and learn to live on my own.
I went away to college at 18, came home on breaks freshman and sophomore years. Then for Junior and Senior years, I lived off campus with other people, and had a job (or two), so I would no longer go home for the long breaks, but I still called my parents' house "home." When I graduated college, my friends and I all rented a house together, and I guess at that point I was officially "out" of my parents' home.
I could not imagine moving back home and going back into that daughter role again. Even the people who pay room & board to their parents and who have no "rules" living with their parents are still in the son/daughter role. For example, even though there may not be a curfew for a young adult, there's still that "consideration" you have to show about telling them where you're going and when you'll be back.
Sure people can complain that rents are high, but I lived in NJ and the PA suburbs, where the rents have always been high. No I could not afford my own apartment right away, so I had a lot of roommates. Renting a house would be expensive, but not for four of us splitting expenses. Those are the years in which I learned about budgeting my money, paying bills, handling household maintenance, etc. My peers who still lived with parents didn't seem to have that knowledge. Of course I was still in a transitional stage in which I still went home to have my Dad do stuff to my car, or to borrow some kitchen item or serving pieces from my mom, and Dad would slip me $50 here and there when I'd visit, but I was for the most part out of the nest.
I also didn't get my dream job right out of college, but it didn't make me move back home. I kept working in retail until I found my first job in mental health. And since the starting salary was so low, I continued to also work in retail. Finally at age 24 I could afford my own apartment, working a full time job plus a part time job, and budgeting VERY carefully. I could have gone on living with roommates longer, but at that point in my life, having my own place was most important to me. Of course I could not live in a luxurious place or even a place that was comparable to where I grew up. But I accepted that. I was in my 20s and would live in a decent little blue-collar neighborhood for a few years; no big deal.
It seems that too many 20-somethings today want to stay in their parents' homes, with all the amenities rather than move out into a "starter" situation which means roommates, second-hand furniture, strict budgeting, and a neighborhood that's less than what they are used to. they also seem to not be accepting of a "starter job" in which they might do grunt work and not make a very high salary. My starting salary in my first job in my field was $16,500 in 1992. According to the BLS inflation calculator that would be $28,027 today. I made it work, and I'm not so special. No reason why the young adults today can't do it unless it's a choice.
I can say that I got SO MUCH out of those years (this was the 90s) and many of my peers who stayed home in those years still seem to not have the life skills I feel I have even 20 years later.
This is so correct. You are to be admired and emulated. You only appreciate things when you EARN them. You only grow when you HAVE TO GROW. Animals in nature know by instinct that the young are to be pushed out of the nest, in order that they may learn to survive. It is the same with human animals. Except today we have parents who will basically cripple the functionality of their kids because of their own problems.
My issue is that I just can't understand the 20-somethings who don't WANT to be out on their own. Sure, I know there are people with a horrible family life who are eager to get out, but I had a pretty normal upbringing, with an intact family of origin, and I was very eager to get out and learn to live on my own.
I went away to college at 18, came home on breaks freshman and sophomore years. Then for Junior and Senior years, I lived off campus with other people, and had a job (or two), so I would no longer go home for the long breaks, but I still called my parents' house "home." When I graduated college, my friends and I all rented a house together, and I guess at that point I was officially "out" of my parents' home.
I could not imagine moving back home and going back into that daughter role again. Even the people who pay room & board to their parents and who have no "rules" living with their parents are still in the son/daughter role. For example, even though there may not be a curfew for a young adult, there's still that "consideration" you have to show about telling them where you're going and when you'll be back.
Sure people can complain that rents are high, but I lived in NJ and the PA suburbs, where the rents have always been high. No I could not afford my own apartment right away, so I had a lot of roommates. Renting a house would be expensive, but not for four of us splitting expenses. Those are the years in which I learned about budgeting my money, paying bills, handling household maintenance, etc. My peers who still lived with parents didn't seem to have that knowledge. Of course I was still in a transitional stage in which I still went home to have my Dad do stuff to my car, or to borrow some kitchen item or serving pieces from my mom, and Dad would slip me $50 here and there when I'd visit, but I was for the most part out of the nest.
I also didn't get my dream job right out of college, but it didn't make me move back home. I kept working in retail until I found my first job in mental health. And since the starting salary was so low, I continued to also work in retail. Finally at age 24 I could afford my own apartment, working a full time job plus a part time job, and budgeting VERY carefully. I could have gone on living with roommates longer, but at that point in my life, having my own place was most important to me. Of course I could not live in a luxurious place or even a place that was comparable to where I grew up. But I accepted that. I was in my 20s and would live in a decent little blue-collar neighborhood for a few years; no big deal.
It seems that too many 20-somethings today want to stay in their parents' homes, with all the amenities rather than move out into a "starter" situation which means roommates, second-hand furniture, strict budgeting, and a neighborhood that's less than what they are used to. they also seem to not be accepting of a "starter job" in which they might do grunt work and not make a very high salary. My starting salary in my first job in my field was $16,500 in 1992. According to the BLS inflation calculator that would be $28,027 today. I made it work, and I'm not so special. No reason why the young adults today can't do it unless it's a choice.
I can say that I got SO MUCH out of those years (this was the 90s) and many of my peers who stayed home in those years still seem to not have the life skills I feel I have even 20 years later.
My son already lived on his own for 5 years, with roommates. He rented a house with 3 other guys while he was in college, and stayed to complete an internship. He knows he doesn't want to go back to that kind of living. He had a great time, and remains friends with all the guys, but he doesn't have time for the non-stop open house arrangements roommates can bring. As I said, he works 70 hours most weeks, and just wants a quiet place to sleep. If he were to move in with roommates, they would be benefiting far more than he would. He could just, maybe, afford an apartment alone in this area, but he's smart enough to appreciate that it isn't necessary. His choice is no less valid than yours.
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