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I'm trying to think about my in-laws and extended family over the last 20 years and can't imagine them arranging a get together with only blood relatives.
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I didn't think you were supposed to go to counseling with the intention of convincing your spouse that you're right about something. So now, along with ganging up against the spouse with the mom and sister, you're now intending to gang up on her with the therapist?
All because you can't get it through your head why your new wife would want to go on a trip with you?
If you originally planned a sibling/parent-only trip because you didn't think it was a big deal and weren't used to being married, fine. Whatever. It's not something I would have done, but okay. But I just can't understand why you're so against including her now that she has expressed to you how hurt she is and how much she wants to go. I just can't imagine why your answer wasn't, "Of course you can come if it's that important to you" vs. "No, you can't come, sibling/parent-only! No wives allowed! Nya nya nya nya! We're going to go to counseling and I'm going to get the therapist to tell you that you're wrong, too."
Spouse sounds insecure. I have 2 siblings visiting me now. Their spouses did not come. What could they add when we talk about old times or our parents?
Reminds me of people that take their spouse to a high school reunion. A time to see old friends and talk about old times. Why bring a spouse? They weren't there in those days.
How I plan to handle this at the moment: go to counseling and try to convince my wife that what I'm wanting to do isn't so "weird" after all. She says she's talked to several of her friends and family and every single one of them thinks it's weird that I'm asking to do this. I plan to compromise the hell out of this: put our upcoming trips in writing and start making reservations for them; let her call all of the shots on a trip with just the two of us to NYC or somewhere else she wants to go. I also want to try to get to the root of why this bothers her so much and I hope we can do just that while in counseling.
The purpose of counseling isn't to convince your wife of anything. It's to come to a mutual understanding and agreement about your relationship.
You say you love your wife, she and your family get along fine and your wife wants to go on this trip. If all of that is true you all should be welcoming her to accompany you on this trip. If all of that isn't true, then you need to take a hard look at what's going on.
Reminds me of people that take their spouse to a high school reunion. A time to see old friends and talk about old times. Why bring a spouse? They weren't there in those days
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Just had to say, I totally agree with this. I had my high school reunion, and didn't bring my husband even though it was out of town. What I found horrifying, is that one of my friends wasn't " allowed" to go to the reunion, because there was one event where spouses weren't invited. And don't even get me started on the whole " allowed" thing, isn't she an adult.
To the OP, I think you are your wife may be mismatched in regards to time apart. Like I said in a previous post, I could never be with someone who got upset about this, while I know some others who before never to travel apart etc. I also don't see the big deal of being " newly married" in regards to going on a trip, that shouldn't even really be a factor. I don't think it's relevant if the family likes the wife or not, if they want a trip alone it shouldn't be this big a deal. I know that isn't an opinion many share, but I just honestly do not get the big deal. They can go another time, the wife can plan a different trip with her friends, there are ways around this. I can't imagine spending this much time so stressed about my husband wanting to go away with family without me, whether we were newly married or not. And yes, even if it was a place I wanted to go that I hadn't ever been.
Couldnt keep up with the story but just from different experiences and one just recently with a man my daughter had dated he came from what we considered a clanish type family and it was to the exclusion of the others family. Very one sided. Thankfully no marriage took place.
If it doesnt cause chaos and commotion then just go if it is causing a problem then rethink this trip. Have no idea why the marriage took place,why counseling would be needed and that some of the story has been swept under a rug. Maybe an annulment should come before a trip.
Last edited by luv my dayton; 11-19-2015 at 09:28 AM..
Somebody is bound to be hurt whatever the outcome of this problem. The wife will be hurt if she can't go on the trip and the husband might feel resentful at her "crashing" the family of origin trip.
Methinks counseling should have been done way before this marriage took place.
Kind of think this deal has to be due to trust issues. Dont forget the only person you heard from was him. Also he suggested counseling and cant imagine getting anything but a deer in the headlights look when counselor hears his story 'my wifes upset that Im going on a trip with a couple family members' counselor ' so what caused these trust issues'. Guy then gives the deer in headlights look back and wife giving the stink eye to her husband of one month. Would love to be a fly on the wall when this counseling takes place. Happy traveling there big guy.
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