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If everybody likes everybody, then why is it such a huge deal for her to come along? Because it would interfere with an almost 40-year-old man hanging out with mommy and sissy? I'm just not understanding this.
If everybody likes everybody, then why is it such a huge deal for her to come along? Because it would interfere with an almost 40-year-old man hanging out with mommy and sissy? I'm just not understanding this.
And why would they be going to marriage counseling (after only being married a month) over his family if everything was so great and wonderful between everyone?
And why would they be going to marriage counseling (after only being married a month) over his family if everything was so great and wonderful between everyone?
Because he's in fantasy land? No one who is married a month is talking about going to counseling unless there are some seriously, majorly screwed up things happening.....why on earth did they get married in the first place?
If everybody likes everybody, then why is it such a huge deal for her to come along? Because it would interfere with an almost 40-year-old man hanging out with mommy and sissy? I'm just not understanding this.
That's because hes back to his schizophrenic posts again.
This is either someone with a serious mental illness who cannot stop lying... doing constant 360's contradicting himself or someone who is a real snake in the grass. I'll give the benefit of the doubt
“We have agreed to go to counseling about not just this issue but some other family-related issues as well.”
I am sorry you got into heated arguments and need to attend counseling for that family issues and more family issues. I suggest you play fair and see both sides of the family equally. Allow the family to attend the trip, not just those you like more than the others. Please don't blame your mother because you choose to not play fair. It is you who is the problem, not her.
"However, I completely get where my fiance's coming from as it would be a tremendous time burden to get together with my family as often as they're used to during the holidays while balancing seeing my fiance's family (fiance's parents live in the same city as us) and our friends."
OK so you state it is a TREMENDOUS TIME BURDEN to continue with this time imbalance regarding your family. I am glad you FINALLY admit the problem in being so unfair to your new inlaws and new wife. To control your wife and not allow her to spend her first holidays with her new husband. For your new inlaws to have equal time with their new son in law and daughter.
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Last edited by OutdoorsyGal; 11-18-2015 at 09:10 PM..
"I've tried to put myself in my spouse's shoes.....spouse has two siblings and spouse's parents are still married.....if spouse, one of spouse's siblings, and one of spouse's parents wanted to take a trip somewhere as just the 3 of them, I'd be all for them doing that.On the other hand, if spouse, both of spouse's siblings, and both parents traveled somewhere together and I was left out, I'd probably be hurt a little too." //www.city-data.com/forum/41959094-post8.html
So you'd also be hurt too? So this is a no - brainer. Stop being cruel, allow all family to take trips and allow all family equal time to spend together during the holidays. So your wife, when you told her this, thought this was the end of course. Except after the marriage, you pulled a sneaky didn't you?? Pulled the wool over her eyes bigtime? You never planned to be true to your word, you planned on telling her tales so she'd marry you thinking there was no issue anymore.
“We are not currently in counseling. We plan to be soon to address the issue of what she sees as an imbalance of time spent w/ my family vs. time spent w/ hers. The issue of what to do about this trip falls under that umbrella. I don't completely disagree with her about the time imbalance thing but I most definitely do disagree with the extent to which she views the imbalance.” //www.city-data.com/forum/41986022-post124.htm
So now it is just her who views the time imbalance. The TREMENDOUS TIME BURDEN has now just, poof disappeared. You never called it that. Sure um...I didn't hear you say that!
"My spouse does want to be included in the trip and, b/c of that, doesn't like the idea of my going since my sibling, parent, and I are all just wanting to do a siblings/parent-only trip.It's a touchy subject at the moment and the last thing I want to do is to create tensions that linger for a long time." //www.city-data.com/forum/41959094-post8.html
Sure I believe you!! The last thing you want to do is create tensions that linger for a long time ^^ um...how stupid do you think we are?
Listen buddy, you need professional help. Being a Pathological liar here on the forum is one thing, we can quote your words. Marrying under deceit is another. You cannot expect your wife to attend Counseling to get you to be true to your word. Stop being so controlling during the Holidays. AND If you had an incestuous relationship with your mother and that is why you are excluding your wife from the family vacation while everyone else is invited, and excluding your new inlaws from equal family time during the holidays -AND-,forcing your better half into counseling... I suggest you attend on your own. You need to stop being enmeshed sexually & emotionally with your mother. I mean this is WEIRD STUFF and your wife was correct in calling it WEIRD.
No man excludes his wife from a family vacation, especially a new wife. No man makes his wife attend counseling in order to be fair to her and her family.
You will never be able to maintain a normal partnership, a holy union with a woman while putting Mommy in your wife's place. You are not married to your Mommy. It's time to MAN UP. After many counseling sessions, then maybe you will be strong enough to attend counseling along with your wife for your own mental issues. I wish you both the best. And please, living right down the street from where MOMMY Stays for multiple months out of the year is not good for your marriage. Try to move.
Last edited by OutdoorsyGal; 11-18-2015 at 09:50 PM..
My siblings and I once went to Las Vegas with our parents for a few days. No spouses, no kids. It was the first time the original family unit of five had ever been alone together for any significant amount of time since the first sibling had been married years before.
In some ways it was a bad experience. Our parents immediately dropped the pretense of politeness they always engaged in when the daughters-in-law were around. My father became as self-centered and demanding as he's ever been, my mother did her martyr act, older brother tried to broker peace, younger brother went off by himself when he wasn't compulsively cracking jokes, and I tried to pretend like I didn't know any of them. On the other hand, we had moments of great fun and some of the antics that ensued are still recounted with hilarity decades later ... and remain all the dearer now that Dad is long gone and Mom is nearing 90 and travels no more.
Go on the trip. This may be the last time you have the opportunity to have a private family experience. Just make sure your intended has enough money for some entertainment while you are gone. Meanwhile, think carefully about marrying someone who demands you two be not just wed, but joined at the hip for every experience to come in the future.
My spouse does want to be included in the trip and, b/c of that, doesn't like the idea of my going since my sibling, parent, and I are all just wanting to do a siblings/parent-only trip. It's a touchy subject at the moment and the last thing I want to do is to create tensions that linger for a long time.
If your spouse (#1 in your life, hopefully) wants to go, then definitely take your spouse, and don't let your sibling/parent sabotage that in any way or you will not have a happy marriage.
Well, OP, with your clarification post... It does make things seem a lot troubled than you're trying to let on.
There's no need to sit there and pretend that things are so hunky dory between your wife and family that any mentions of discord noted by posters are simply "laughable". For Pete's sake, you've already mentioned there's an underlying tension between them and that you're having to set up marital therapy because of your family. The fact there's you have a disconnect here is definitely WEIRD and it's going to work against you, even if you think you have the best of intentions here.
Quote:
- How I plan to handle this at the moment: go to counseling and try to convince my wife that what I'm wanting to do isn't so "weird" after all. She says she's talked to several of her friends and family and every single one of them thinks it's weird that I'm asking to do this. I plan to compromise the hell out of this: put our upcoming trips in writing and start making reservations for them; let her call all of the shots on a trip with just the two of us to NYC or somewhere else she wants to go. I also want to try to get to the root of why this bothers her so much and I hope we can do just that while in counseling.
So you rather buy her way out rather than bring her along? You're fanning the flames here and as mentioned earlier, setting for an unfavorable tone to the relationship. The trip should have been done before you were married if you're so intent having just the parent-sibling family trip, but you never got this issue resolved when it was necessary. Now somebody is going to have to bite the bullet here. Convincing her that it's not weird isn't going to help your cause, it's just you invalidating her feelings while placing your wants above all. Better to follow the therapist's lead and come to a resolution that way.
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