Travelling without spouse but with sibling and parent...spouse considers this odd? (member, present)
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This actually is a trip that my spouse has always wanted to take, which certainly complicates things. We've talked about our taking this same trip sometime as just the two of us. That's not making much difference, though, in terms of the trip I'm wanting to take w/ my sibling & parent.
My sole reasoning behind the vagueness was that I thought that'd be the best way to get unbiased responses. I'm asking in complete seriousness and I'm not baiting you at all by asking this: do you think your answer to the question(s) might have changed if I'd included our genders?
Yes, that does complicate things and goes a ways toward explaining why spouse is upset.
You and spouse seem to have different notions of what being married is about. I'm glad you're seeing a counselor because you need to iron this out sooner rather than later.
Is spouse welcome on the trip, but just can't go? Or do you, sibling and parent prefer that spouse not go? If YOU prefer that your spouse not go, I see other issues in your future married life.
Yes, that does complicate things and goes a ways toward explaining why spouse is upset.
You and spouse seem to have different notions of what being married is about. I'm glad you're seeing a counselor because you need to iron this out sooner rather than later.
Is spouse welcome on the trip, but just can't go? Or do you, sibling and parent prefer that spouse not go? If YOU prefer that your spouse not go, I see other issues in your future married life.
Yes, we don't have enough information.
I get the feeling that the spouse was told that they could not go, which is a sad state of affairs, if true.
I get the feeling that the spouse was told that they could not go, which is a sad state of affairs, if true.
Yes that's true. I think this OP's spouse is in for a ton of heartache. No one should be in conseling to learn equal time during the holidays is for both sides of the family is fair and just. And ommitting the fiancee from the vacation is RUDE and disrespectful
Heres some of the post cut and pasted-
Again, part of my fiance's argument is that I spend so much time w/ sibling and parent throughout the year that I shouldn't need to go on another trip with them. Another part of the argument is that it's just "weird" that I would go on a trip with just my sibling and parent with no spouses. Another part is that my spouse is hurt by not being included. A part of the argument is that my sibling's spouse would be included if they didn't have kids.
"I'm in the preliminary stages of planning a trip across the country with a sibling and one of our (divorced) parents for parent's milestone birthday. My spouse thinks that it's flat-out weird that I'd be taking a trip across the country w/ just a sibling and a parent. My spouse is also hurt and offended that my spouse nor my sibling's spouse aren't being included in this. What are your thoughts on this? More information follows that may or may not shed more light on my spouse's argument."
If my fspouse was hurt and offended by my parent treating them like dirt, ommiting them from a vacation AFTER monopolozing all of my time to boot, I'd boot out the parent from my time for a while. The OP's parents are rude, heartless, ungreatful and spoiled. It's their honeymoon period to boot.
I'd apologize for not defending my spouse and mend my relationship so as the marriage will go smoothly
Moving is in order first of all, they live just down the street. And inlaws visit for months on end throughout the year demanding attention beyond what is reasonable. These people need to be set straight, not be rewarded with their kin leaving their loved one all alone to be with them....AGAIN. Especially during the honeymoon period. This "newlywed" is quite rude to their "spouse", it's pretty horrible to read.
Last edited by OutdoorsyGal; 11-17-2015 at 01:00 PM..
Any configuration of a trip is fine as long as all parties are in agreement. And some married people remain very close to their parents and siblings throughout their marriage and their spouse is on board with it and everyone is happy. The problem here is that the OP's spouse is not in agreement with the trip as it's planned and thinks the OP is putting her birth family before her marriage. That issue has to be addressed or the marriage isn't going to be a happy one.
HOWEVER, I really only think that's normal if the spouse shows no interest in going, if the spouse is unable to go because of work/family/whatever commitments and gives you his/her blessing or if the spouse is going to take that time to take a trip with friends or relatives himself/herself.
Option 3 is the only one that's currently a possibility but we haven't made it that far yet in our discussions....
But your spouse wants to build a life with you, not two separate lives.
And I want to build a life w/ my wife, too, but I don't feel, as others mentioned after your post yesterday, that building a life w/ her is jeopardized by an occasional trip while traveling without her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkmax
A cross-country trip seems quite different, and it seems like you're going to be gone for longer than a night or two. (correct me if I'm wrong with this assumption)
The trip would be for 3 full days bookended by two travel days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkmax
It's odd that you're ready to leave your new spouse so soon to take a trip that he/she seems to be so hurt and upset by. Are you sure that you were even ready to get married?
We got engaged in January of this year, had our first discussion about this (the one where we let it be w/o an argument) in March, had the argument about it in June or July, got married last month, and the trip is supposed to be in March or April. We took a 10-day honeymoon two days after the wedding.
We were definitely ready to get married. It all happened pretty fast but we were ready.
Your spouse sounds insecure, and mark this down, it will be the first of many arguments! There is nothing wrong with you doing a trip with a parent, for a milestone. You two have the rest of your lives to travel and make your own memories.
Also I agree that you shouldnt have divulged genders, what difference does it make?
Where are you going? Is it something easily reached at a later time for you and your wife? A trip to Europe orHHawaii would be harder to 'get over' than a trip in the lower 48. You could always have her join you for a couple days before or after. Before would be better for your marriage. I still think it's fine either way.
It may be that your wife has a strained relationship with your mom and you're clueless--many new husbands are. It takes a while longer for them to see. Make sure there is equal time between families. I'm guessing that a schedule would be best.
Agree about needing genders to undestand this a bit more.
I'm the husband; traveling with my slightly younger sister and our mom.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nostoneunturned
However I don't see any issue with your family taking a trip together if you wish. Your parent may just want to spend time with you and your sibling, what's wrong with that? It may be one of the last times you ever do something like this, I would treasure it. Sounds like you are a tight-knit family. Maybe in the future the spouses can be included but this trip stems from a time before you were even engaged.
This is the root of my entire argument w/ my wife.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nostoneunturned
I don't want to judge, but your spouse sounds a little bit controlling. It's not "weird," unless there are things you are leaving out aside from sexes.
Um......I'm 37, she's 36, first marriage for both of us.
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