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Take comfort in the probability that she's the one who looked like an oaf, not you.
It's not that big of a deal. She's young and tactless and probably looked like an idiot to most of the people there. She's the one who will have to deal with the ramifications of boorish behavior throughout her life, not you - not really.
Since there seems to be some simmering hostility between the two of you, all you can do is offer grace - you probably aren't the one who needs to give her lessons in etiquette. Lead by example. Start with being kind and forgiving and gracious.
I think the best response would have been a bemused reaction rather than calling her out on it. As for the seating - you're the hostess. It's your responsibility to see that all your guests, even the oafs, are seated comfortably. If you don't have a seat, don't worry about it. Pull up a chair from somewhere and "perch." Should someone have offered you a seat? Probably - but honestly, this sounds like a very casual affair anyway, so I would just let that part of it go.
Relax, aren't there plenty of other problems in the world worth worrying about than a "little girl" who's got some growing up to do? You're family was together and safe, not picking up their lives from tornadoes or sweating out a war coming in their back door, or any of a number of tragedies that a lot of people have suffered in the past few days. Sounds like you were a good host, you found out your step daughter doesn't like ham and if they come again just plan for take out, easy peasy.
Due to severe weather/flooding, we had our family Xmas gathering yesterday at our house. Not a big group, just my husband, me our 3 kids still at home, hubs' adult son & daughter & daughter's fiancé, and hubs' parents. I did the majority of the cooking...side dishes, bread, a cake. My MIL brought the ham, fruit salad, and a ton of assorted homemade sweets.
My step-daughter & fiancé were late but on their way so we went ahead and set all food out, buffet style. When they arrived, we saw they had made a pit stop. At Taco Bell. She isn't a kid, she's a 22 yr old engaged woman and she brought a sack of Taco Bell to the family Christmas dinner because " she doesn't like ham". (Not a religious thing, just preference). Ham was only 1 item out of probably 10 dishes. Her fiancé ate what we had, she was the only one who didn't. And to make matters worse....there wasn't enough of us to use the dining by room, so we decided to all sit in the kitchen. We have a small kitchen table that seats 4-5, and a huge island that can seat 4-6. My inlaws got their plates first and sat at the table, of course. My husband joined them while I was getting the younger kids situated at the island. Step-daughter & fiancé arrived and she plopped her Taco Bell sack down at the last place available at the table and pulled up an extra chair for her fiancé, leaving me, the hostess, without a seat at the table. Sort of, adding insult to injury.
Am I being too sensitive, or was this extremely rude? I did say something about the Taco Bell. I did it in a joking way, but I said "I can't believe you brought Taco Bell when your grandmother & I made all this homemade food." She said "well, I didn't know what else you were having besides ham and I don't like ham." Where I'm from, if someone is feeding you, you find something to eat & say thank you. If you're hungry when you leave, THEN you get something else on your way home! You don't bring your own bag of fast food. And the take the hostess' seat at the table. She's not a picky 7 yr old, she's an engaged "woman".
How would you have handle this & what would you do going forward?
Clearly, you had no way of knowing this in advance, but for the next time, name the seats! That should do it. Like at weddings. Some people are just darn rude, so, you have to be equally rude unfortunately, as these kinds of people don't understand kindness/politeness/manners or common sense.
Clearly, you had no way of knowing this in advance, but for the next time, name the seats! That should do it. Like at weddings. Some people are just darn rude, so, you have to be equally rude unfortunately, as these kinds of people don't understand kindness/politeness/manners or common sense.
Not an actual opinion regarding the issue, since OP has been given plenty of feedback already. Just wanted to say that the nickname given to SD "Taco Belle" it is so funny, I chuckle every time I read it...lol!
I do think it's insulting for someone to bring their own fast food, but I would not be insulted by her taking the last seat. In my family, the host/hostess always gives away all of the seats and then takes the less comfortable seat for themselves. We were short 1 chair this year (I didn't think my 2 year old nephew was going to need one, but that was my bad), so my husband took a stool from the island and sat on that. That's good manners by the host/hostess.
I do think it's insulting for someone to bring their own fast food, but I would not be insulted by her taking the last seat. In my family, the host/hostess always gives away all of the seats and then takes the less comfortable seat for themselves. We were short 1 chair this year (I didn't think my 2 year old nephew was going to need one, but that was my bad), so my husband took a stool from the island and sat on that. That's good manners by the host/hostess.
Probably anyone else could have taken the last seat at this particular dinner, and it would not have been a big deal. It was that SHE did it.
This was the first Christmas dinner at OUR house. My inlaws recently downsized significantly (like I said, they're 78 & 80 yrs old.). She never brought her own food to my MILs. But apparently it was OK to bring to my house. I never noticed my MIL providing any other meat besides ham at Christmas.
You want to hear our menu, since you think this poor girl had to bring her own food to avoid starving? We had ham (obvi), sweet potato soufflé, regular mashed potatoes, green beans, baked beans, creamed corn, rolls & a pound cake. (I made all that). My MIL brought ham, a fruit salad, cookies & some candy. In addition, I had various crackers, cheese balls, hummus, chips, etc.
But I guess it wasn't enough!
You're so (obv!) looking for a fight on this. The details come out a bit at a time as you try to add more justifications for your behavior.
She's a KID - in maturity level, regardless of whether she's engaged. Jeez, kids her age SAY they're engaged and it doesn't mean a thing unless she has a ring and wedding date, so I'd disregard that "fact" as indicating maturity level! AND, she's a MILLENNIAL! That group thinks everything has to be personalized to THEM. If they don't like the music, they put on their own headphones, if they don't like the movie on tv everyone is watching they get out their phone, if they don't like the food or drink, they bring their own! Typical - should not be unexpected by YOU, since you've "raised" her for a number of years now.
You need to take it down 10 notches and not take everything so personally...YOU"RE the ADULT here but you're not acting like it. Let her do what she wants - it's hurting no one. But it's clear you really don't like this girl and are keeping score of everything she does. I'll bet if your own daughters did the same you'd brush it off as typical teenage behavior (oh, I know, YOU raised THEM better and they're younger!) but still...it's the holidays, give EVERYBODY a break already.
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. Neither do I, because I don't eat meat at all.
