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I'm glad you're not a stalker kittycat40. I was stalked for years by a nut job that I felt sorry for and tried to help. She was very resourceful and every time we changed our number, she would get it. It took about two years to get rid of her. It's very disrespectful to ignore someones request to be left alone, and it sure doesn't help your case if you want to make amends.
There is no hidden meaning in "I don't want to work it out," and it's horribly sad that you're hurting because of it. It's also tragic that the only person that can take away that hurt and make it better doesn't care enough about you to do it. It is what it is.
You are then forced to be that person that makes the hurt go away, and you need to use some creative thinking to do so. Time will help with this. I'm in the same boat with you. I lost a friend about a year ago and I don't even know why. I unfortunately ran into him and asked him what was wrong. He was so hateful and mean and didn't make a lick of sense. He's also an alcoholic. He didn't have to tell me twice to stay away from him. I have many many other great friends that love me. I don't need that dysfunction in my life.
Does it bother the heck out of me that I don't know what I did to hurt him. Yes very much. Would I bend over backwards to make it right? Probably. Will I ever speak another word to him. NO. If he speaks to me I will be cordial but that's about it.
The bottom line is that none of us has any control over the way people will or will not feel. We either click, or we don't. We have to focus on our own life and find a way to be happy. Think of your experience with your friend as just another life lesson. Nothing more, nothing less. I hope you have other good friends in your life (?) If so, focus on the positive.
One of my besties is away in Florida for a month. I miss her way more then that stinkin thinkin alcoholic. It's a good thing that I have 5 other besties to hang with See positive wins here.
You get what I am going through yourself because you have personally be through the exact same thing.
They say sometimes you will never know what it is like to feel pain of another person is unless you have been in their shoes before having experienced the same as they have.
You get it and I appreciate that. I was never trying to hurt anyone,but be a good friend.
OP- Just out of curiosity, you say you have a girlfriend. Do you have issues maintaining a non-problematic relationship with her? You seem to have a lot of issues with other people. I'm wondering if you do with her also.
OP- Just out of curiosity, you say you have a girlfriend. Do you have issues maintaining a non-problematic relationship with her? You seem to have a lot of issues with other people. I'm wondering if you do with her also.
It makes no sense that you extend your hand out to that person and they respond like that.
Is that a defense mechanism or did that. It understand what work it out mean?
I would like to hear your personal stories. Have you done this and why?
If a relationship requires "working out," then it's not working.
I'm older, now, and not inclined to "work things out" because over the years I've found that things either work or they don't. Even if things get worked out, it's only temporary, if the problem comes from some systemic difference or viewpoint between the two of you, or it comes from one of the person's character traits (like being inconsiderate, lying, arguing, etc.).
I'd rather ignore any significant problems and see if they work themselves out. Maybe the problem won't resurface. Maybe it won't turn out to be a big deal But if it does, then I'll probably prefer to drop the person as a friend.
I don't like to analyze and talk about deep personality subjects with non-family. I don't want to explain why I am the way I am, or hear why you are the way you are. I either am okay with how you are, and vice versa, or not.
But if you're talking about a one-incident issue, then please explain. Sometimes a problem can arise from one incident that comes from a misunderstanding or a one-time screwup.
Sometimes people simply don't have the stomach to excavate relationships like Schliemann tackling Troy, OP.
Especially not if what they want to say, they expect will be hurtful to you.
Maybe it's a good reason. Maybe it isn't. That's life.
I know it would be nice to say "once I figure out why so and so did this, then I will never make that mistake again with any human being nor lose any relationships", but sometimes it is meant to stay a mystery.
You're getting some good advice here in general, it seems, including "stop coming across like a stalker/making a nuisance of yourself", if you would only depersonalize this advice and take it in the spirit of healing in which we intend it to function.
I answered a PM from you and got a huge spiel in reponse about this one, that one
I only scanned it because kitty - you went too far
I am a STRANGER and owe you nothing
Perhaps you expect a lot from folk IRL
At the end of the day, nobody HAS to do a thing to make you feel better
You have to do that for yourself.
I got one too, but didn't respond because frankly we are not friends. I do not want to hear what happened in a private message as you asked. If you can't talk about it on here for everyone to see why would you pm people you don't know? Let this go.
I got one too, but didn't respond because frankly we are not friends. I do not want to hear what happened in a private message as you asked. If you can't talk about it on here for everyone to see why would you pm people you don't know? Let this go.
I too got a PM.
My answer was........you come into this world alone...........and you will leave alone.
Q: What could be the deeper meaning/reasons behind a person saying I don't want to work it out?
A: People generally do not speak in code. Most of us know the meaning of words and use the ones we mean to use. If I say, "I don't want to work [a relationship] out," it means just that.
-I have no intention of participating in any repair of the breech.
-I do not want anything further to do with the person in question.
-I want OUT of the relationship.
If you do not respect that person's position and CONTINUE to seek "deeper meaning/reasons" when there are none, why would anyone (the person in question, other observers, or any of us at C-D) improve their opinion of you in any way? Your obsession deepens the animosity for you and this response will be justified.
It doesn't matter if anyone's opinion of you is right or wrong. They are entitled to their feelings. When you disrespect that, you further antagonize them and likely there will be additional negative consequences.
As everyone else here says: Let. It. Go.
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See positive wins here.
