Quote:
Originally Posted by kittycat40
Please elaborate thanks!
It makes no sense that you extend your hand out to that person and they respond like that.
Is that a defense mechanism or did that. It understand what work it out mean?
I would like to hear your personal stories. Have you done this and why?
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Why would you assume they're speaking in code? It seems pretty straight up and to the point - they don't want to work it out.
It means they don't want to work it out.
It means they've reached the end of the line on what they're willing to endure/put up with/give back and are done now.
It means they've gotten a glimpse or taste of a life outside of that station and prefer to explore new horizons.
It means they don't want this anymore. They want this over, in their rearview mirror.
The best thing you - or anyone in this place - can do is to open the door, let them go and set them free. If you try to hold on tightly and push them to change their minds, the only realistic thing that happens next is they grow to resent you, then hate you, and if they're the unstable sorts, that may well end in a homicide to get free of you/whoever.
Don't ever be so frail minded and insecure that you try to manipulate or persuade someone to be with you when they're ready to go. Let them go, grieve the loss, pick yourself up and move forward. Why would anyone try to hold onto someone who didn't want to be with them? That's craziness.
So you've had a disconnect with someone and it's left you wondering why.
The secret to a quality life is when you get to a place where it doesn't matter why...you won't be treated that way, you put it down and move on.
See, your friend could've been a fraud from the start, it could be them or it could be you. Psychoanalyzing them solves zero purpose because even if you get the answer, chances are - based on your thread and responses - you won't accept it. And since you have displayed an unwillingness to leave it be, there's a higher probability your friend cut ties with you because you're obsessive or clingy or suffocating or just up on them all the time and displaying insecurity.
If you weren't doing those things, perhaps the friend in question was just a jerk. Or they found out they've got a terminal illness and will be dead soon and don't want you to suffer their loss.
But it still doesn't matter. This person is NOT your friend if this person doesn't have enough regard for you to clearly define their actions after you've attempted to find out what happened. After that part, the problem lies with you if you keep on at them to tell you what the problem is. It's you.
There are 7 pages here. The 100% unanimous consensus is that the problem lies with you insisting on finding some deeper meaning to straightforward statements, needing a motivation for it and ignoring the reality that there was no spoken code - someone told you they are not interested in working it out and that needs to be ALL you need to know to accept it - because it's not up to you - put it down and move on.
Yeah it'll suck awhile and yeah you'll obsess over it and question it awhile and eventually you'll get over it and get on with your life. The more insecure and childish you are, the more you'll keep working yourself up and having a meltdown over it, or trying to find that loophole that will get them to change their minds.
It'll fail, they will ultimately end up hating you and avoiding you and their memories of you will be permanently negative. The more you keep this up, the more damage you're doing.
People are giving you the correct answer.
Your "story" doesn't matter in the slightest, the bottom line won't change. This person has told you they do not want to work anything out. It means this is over. No matter what story led to it, the last chapter concluded with: I don't want to work anything out.
Let this go, leave them be, accept the end, move on.
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