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1) Your expectations are your downfall
2) Worrying about things you can't control is a waste of energy
3) Quit looking for answers or approval from others. All the answers in life are within you. The only validation you need is from yourself.
4) Get over it. This has happened and will happen for eons. You are not special in this regard.
This, and do it before the restraining order is served at your place of employment.
Going to look very strange for someone who keeps claiming to be straight to have another man's name on the order.
kittycat, once a restraining order is on record, it will cause you problems in the future, also.
I do think he is straight, because he did this to a female a few years back, according to his posts.
If you keep stalking this guy, it WILL result in a restraining order. With your history of obsessing over people, there may be cause for a second one later, which will start to form a pattern to law officials and employers. Learn to back off and read cues. There are therapists that can help you do this. You aren't doing so terrific on your own.
kittycat, once a restraining order is on record, it will cause you problems in the future, also.
I do think he is straight, because he did this to a female a few years back, according to his posts.
If you keep stalking this guy, it WILL result in a restraining order. With your history of obsessing over people, there may be cause for a second one later, which will start to form a pattern to law officials and employers. Learn to back off and read cues. There are therapists that can help you do this. You aren't doing so terrific on your own.
I have never stalked anyone.
The female you are referring to from a few years back was a childhood friend named Haley that I lost touch with. Thankfully after 15 years we reconnected recently. I had dinner with her and her finance and caught up on life.
Now the guy in question in this thread. I haven't contacted him since our conversation on october 11. Funny think is while my main profession is accounting. I work in the financial services industry on the side. The same industry as this guy so we know alot of the same people. Many of those same people I am working with and in contact with through various means including in person. Despite the fact that rey the guy in question has blocked me. I have not ran into him often since but there's been a time or 2 recently we were in the same room for a business function but I stayed on the opposite side of the room and spoke with those I get along with.
The female you are referring to from a few years back was a childhood friend named Haley that I lost touch with. Thankfully after 15 years we reconnected recently. I had dinner with her and her finance and caught up on life.
Now the guy in question in this thread. I haven't contacted him since our conversation on october 11. Funny think is while my main profession is accounting. I work in the financial services industry on the side. The same industry as this guy so we know alot of the same people. Many of those same people I am working with and in contact with through various means including in person. Despite the fact that rey the guy in question has blocked me. I have not ran into him often since but there's been a time or 2 recently we were in the same room for a business function but I stayed on the opposite side of the room and spoke with those I get along with.
You said her name was Amanda. I was not aware there was yet another one named Haley.
While you may not think of it as stalking, the people in question certainly will. Stop and think about the fact that other posters are obviously perceiving your actions differently than you do. Common sense will tell you that it is your perceptions that are not in the majority and are "off". Listen to what the posters are saying - because that's how others in your world are perceiving you. It doesn't matter that YOU don't think you obsess and stalk - it matters what the current person that you are focused on and the authorities think.
Last edited by cheryjohns; 01-11-2016 at 12:51 AM..
Sometimes we know something is over and don't want to argue about it or feel the need to justify our choice.
I left my husband and refused to tell him why. I had made my decision and nothing he said would change it and I didn't feel like arguing or listening to him plead, I was done. I told him I didn't want to talk to him for at least a year. A year later he called and I said I told him at least a year. I talked to him after two years never did tell him why we divorced. Nothing good could come from it, he would say he would quit being violent or quit drinking and he was sorry and everything was going to be better but why listen and argue that he wasn't that bad and was going to change? After all he didn't hit me with his fist or put me in a hospital and he only hit me when he was drunk, really it was my fault for talking to him when he was drunk. I really could have given him more chances maybe counseling but I didn't have to and didn't want to now it has been 32 years and I am still happy to not be with him.
I'm glad you're not a stalker kittycat40. I was stalked for years by a nut job that I felt sorry for and tried to help. She was very resourceful and every time we changed our number, she would get it. It took about two years to get rid of her. It's very disrespectful to ignore someones request to be left alone, and it sure doesn't help your case if you want to make amends.
There is no hidden meaning in "I don't want to work it out," and it's horribly sad that you're hurting because of it. It's also tragic that the only person that can take away that hurt and make it better doesn't care enough about you to do it. It is what it is.
You are then forced to be that person that makes the hurt go away, and you need to use some creative thinking to do so. Time will help with this. I'm in the same boat with you. I lost a friend about a year ago and I don't even know why. I unfortunately ran into him and asked him what was wrong. He was so hateful and mean and didn't make a lick of sense. He's also an alcoholic. He didn't have to tell me twice to stay away from him. I have many many other great friends that love me. I don't need that dysfunction in my life.
Does it bother the heck out of me that I don't know what I did to hurt him. Yes very much. Would I bend over backwards to make it right? Probably. Will I ever speak another word to him. NO. If he speaks to me I will be cordial but that's about it.
The bottom line is that none of us has any control over the way people will or will not feel. We either click, or we don't. We have to focus on our own life and find a way to be happy. Think of your experience with your friend as just another life lesson. Nothing more, nothing less. I hope you have other good friends in your life (?) If so, focus on the positive.
One of my besties is away in Florida for a month. I miss her way more then that stinkin thinkin alcoholic. It's a good thing that I have 5 other besties to hang with See positive wins here.
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See positive wins here.
