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I would't agree to meet her for any event until she has seen the doctor. When she actually visits the doctor, then she means business. Until then, she's simply stringing you along.
I pretty much feel this way. What I've decided to do is give her enough time to make and keep the appointment (she may not be able to get in quickly but she can at least get the appointment on the books). I'd say that's about a week to actually make the call and about a month at the most to get in to see the doctor.
Between now and then I may give her one chance - ONE - but not without saying, "Ok, GREAT! We're agreeing to get together - so you're going to be there and be on time, right? I'll leave if you leave me waiting and it will be a cold day in hell before I agree to meet up with you anywhere again. I'm serious about this! Please don't put me in this position."
seriously? You would require a FRIEND to seek medical assistance before you will be a FRIEND? I get not putting up with nonsense on keeping you waiting, etc, and telling her what you just wrote, but requiring that a friend see a doctor is NOT being a friend. It's being a sanctimonious, controlling know it all.
seriously? You would require a FRIEND to seek medical assistance before you will be a FRIEND? I get not putting up with nonsense on keeping you waiting, etc, and telling her what you just wrote, but requiring that a friend see a doctor is NOT being a friend. It's being a sanctimonious, controlling know it all.
Have you read this entire thread? If yes, you interpreted everything very differently than the rest of us.
seriously? You would require a FRIEND to seek medical assistance before you will be a FRIEND? I get not putting up with nonsense on keeping you waiting, etc, and telling her what you just wrote, but requiring that a friend see a doctor is NOT being a friend. It's being a sanctimonious, controlling know it all.
I have to wonder if you actually read the entire thread.
Have you read this entire thread? If yes, you interpreted everything very differently than the rest of us.
Yes, I have and read about the OP going back and forth over being loving and concerned tempered with a lot of irritation. I just don't understand how anyone can consider themselves a friend when they hold someone's feet to the fire about someone else's medical plans. Yes, tell the friend that her behavior is not acceptable when she doesn't have regard to the OP's time, but to say I won't be your friend UNLESS you make and keep a dr's appointment is beyond the pale.
Said cousin I referred to yesterday: She wanted to meet somewhere 45 minutes from my home, fine no problem. She said from 11am to 2:30, great, that's long enough to make it worth the drive and miss traffic in afternoon that would make it a longer commute.
Somewhere she then texted we'll meet at 11:30, UNLESS her daughter is late. This is a location I can't go in unless she is there. So I tell her to let me know what time she KNOWS she will be there, and I'll come then. She says 11:45, ok so now the time is shorter for me to be there, which loses attractiveness because of the drive. What the hell, we haven't hooked up in a while.
She STILL shows up 20 minutes late.
If she wasn't family and a very good person, I would cut the cord.
I just don't understand some people.
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Said cousin I referred to yesterday: She wanted to meet somewhere 45 minutes from my home, fine no problem. She said from 11am to 2:30, great, that's long enough to make it worth the drive and miss traffic in afternoon that would make it a longer commute.
Somewhere she then texted we'll meet at 11:30, UNLESS her daughter is late. This is a location I can't go in unless she is there. So I tell her to let me know what time she KNOWS she will be there, and I'll come then. She says 11:45, ok so now the time is shorter for me to be there, which loses attractiveness because of the drive. What the hell, we haven't hooked up in a while.
She STILL shows up 20 minutes late.
If she wasn't family and a very good person, I would cut the cord.
I just don't understand some people.
Heres what my Therapist tells me -
The opposite of Putting Up with Other People's BS is not Severing
The Opposite of PUWOPBS is going Neutral
In your case, you would stop arranging to meet but be perfectly happy to invite her to yours or yack on the phone.
That is an example of going Neutral
Instead of worrying about changing Other People's Behaviour, you change your own
Like me - my BFF worries me constantly, but she's my BFF and I accept her neuroses and dissociation and all
The older you get the more accepting you get about OPBS, the more empathy you can feel about What They May Be Going Through
A lot of people cope with life by NOT sharing their secrets, not by sharing them.
Going neutral is basically refusing to feel hurt by OPBS, refusing to play games, refusing to organize meetings around their precious habits if it becomes painful for you.
Its NOT cutting the cord, severing the relationship, no longer being a Friend.
If she wasn't family and a very good person, I would cut the cord.
I just don't understand some people.
I don't care who they are, they are showing you that your time is not important to them. That's not cool.
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