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I agree with Patches. It's sad to see a friend cause their own ruination, but at this point she could become a real liability if you let her. And depending on you won't help her in the long run anyway.
We met during an internship. We both come from tough backgrounds, but we have both managed to earn graduate-level education. I felt so proud of her, but I noticed she had significant issues which caused me to keep my distance. I did keep in touch with her and check in from time to time.
You obviously did not follow your own gut instincts. You do not have to rescue her...you should give her phone number for emergency contacts locally that deal with people who need information about where to turn...any issue, agency, resource contact info...etc. not just emergencies....or any other referral that she might want, tell her to dial 211. http://www.211.org/
That is a resource line that is answered by trained volunteered 24/7 every State. Then wish her good luck.
And get back to your life....this advice is important Do not take on her problems or become enmeshed in her drama.......she needs professional help....you are not her counselor...your helping her will keep her from getting the right help......you do not want to be her crutch....seriously...if she could not even take her own shower...she may need 911....and you will need help yourself, because you are volunteering to be her enabler and emotional punching bag.
You are correct. She is too afraid of the unknown. The internship program she has stated she feels comfortable with, and if she left she will not have guaranteed money. I have mentioned to her that even the internship program was NOT a guarantee, and this has proven me right. She is too afraid to relocate, she is too afraid to work a full-time job somewhere besides the agency we interned with. She liked the idea of only working part-time for just going to school. She does have a legitimate disability, but some of her issue is certainly psychological.
I think applying for disability would be her best choice since she claims she cannot work full time, but yet she found another excuse in that she doesn't have time and the process is too long. It is so frustrating.
At this point she will have to move in with her boyfriend, or go back home to live with her parents, for she will be in the streets soon. I am hoping she will wake up and come to her senses very soon. But it is heartbreaking to watch someone throw their life away.
Read my post.....caring enough to provide her the right information is healthy...But taking on her problems and internalizing her issues is very unhealthy for you...She has family, and a boyfriend...and she made it this far in life without you being her emotional crutch...seriously...she has you pegged as a person to lean on so she can avoid helping herself.....save yourself...block any further contact.
research co-dependency learn why you are vulnerable to this type person. The Bridge to Recovery | Codependency Treatment, Trauma & Process Addiction Recovery
Well, I made the decision to remove her from Facebook and I will no longer respond to her texts. She will get the hint.
I feel like a butthead for having to abandon her, but I cannot allow her to ruin all my hard work.
We both worked hard in college, but she feels she should skate through life, while I really sacrificed for what I wanted after graduation. I left the internship program and worked full-time, and not every position I held was great or paid well, but I gained valuable experience in my field. I had to prove my value as an employee.
She feels that right after being a long-term intern she should earn 90K to 120K yearly, and it just doesn't work that way. Especially since she has burned bridges and earned a poor reputation there. She will not be given a good reference and will have to essentially start from scratch. Although I gained some experience during my internship, my employers did not count that time as true work experience. I also learned that some of the skills I learned as an intern were very specific to that agency, so they were not helpful to me in the long run.
Every time I have to cut someone out of my life, it hurts. It hurts to cut out a person I knew for 10 years. But this one had to be done.
Last edited by jabber_wocky; 01-12-2016 at 08:58 AM..
Read my post.....caring enough to provide her the right information is healthy...But taking on her problems and internalizing her issues is very unhealthy for you...She has family, and a boyfriend...and she made it this far in life without you being her emotional crutch...seriously...she has you pegged as a person to lean on so she can avoid helping herself.....save yourself...block any further contact.
research co-dependency learn why you are vulnerable to this type person. The Bridge to Recovery | Codependency Treatment, Trauma & Process Addiction Recovery
Dumb this heifer before she drags you down with her.
For a woman as intelligent as she is, I was really surprised to have her argue with me about wearing those to an interview. She said "everybody likes them and compliments me on them." I told her "employers will not, and you cannot wear those."
On top of that she did not bring her resume nor a portfolio of her work.
For a woman as intelligent as she is, I was really surprised to have her argue with me about wearing those to an interview. She said "everybody likes them and compliments me on them." I told her "employers will not, and you cannot wear those."
On top of that she did not bring her resume nor a portfolio of her work.
You are correct. We are early thirties. She unfortunately hasn't grown at all as a person, which really caught me off guard. I helped her choose her interview clothing and she had no idea how to even dress for a professional interview. She wanted to wear bright pink and blue skate boarder shoes and I had to beg her to not do that.
You can't fix her, you can't save her.
Hear this loud and clear. You can't save her.
And as we all love to armchair psych. here, I'm not even going to put this on her.
Everything you are saying here tells me you need to be needed. This black hole of a person found someone who needs to be needed. And after she implodes your life and walks away from the detritus, she'll be still moaning no one cares, no one understands, no one helps.
I dont understand why you even worry for this woman. Sorry that is my thinking.
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