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Yes, but its not possible at the present moment. It's on our "down the road" plan. I do feel it would help a ton, but we've had some bad experiences with past relocations not working out financially so we want to make sure our next one is done when we can handle any surprises.
We're sort of here right now because it's my wife's hometown and it's "safe", financially that is. Jobs are plentiful because a lot of folks are leaving this area in favor of more trendy states such as California, Texas, Washington, etc. The low cost of living plus the ability to find work easily (albeit work that doesn't suit my fancy - its a lot of manufacturing, agriculture, trucking, etc) has been very nice to have.
So that's the deal for now. The plan was to probably stay in the area 3-5 years while I finish up my MBA and professional certification, then make a really big job push country wide at places I actually WANT to work. I figured my resume should be fairly strong at that point (Masters, professional cert, 5-7 years of experience in field) that I shouldn't have a problem landing a job out of state and finding something else if I was laid off.
But back to the original point, yes, it's a terrible fit for me here and it would help to move where there were more like-minded folks. Best to learn how to deal with it for now!!!
Aren't there parts of the Midwest that are more progressive?
...We're sort of here right now because it's my wife's hometown and it's "safe", financially that is. Jobs are plentiful because a lot of folks are leaving this area in favor of more trendy states...
There is a distinction between having access to plentiful jobs, and pursuing a career that will put you on track to live the life you & your wife want to live. It doesn't sound like you have a plan to achieve that life.
I'm in my late twenties and in the rural midwest. Trying to find people who are close to my age and have similar interests is near impossible. Usually when I do find someone there is a 10-15 year difference minimum which creates some barriers.
This area is terrible for my interests. Very meat and cheese heavy. No vegan, heck even vegetarian restaurants or grocery stores closer than the hour and a half drive to the big city closest to us. People around here aren't really into technology or video games at all. I actually tried a gardening club, it was filled with 65yo+ women, I felt terribly out of place. The bowling center in town is also heavily dominated by retirees and older individuals. No racquetball court anywhere within 45 minutes driving distance... It's been a struggle to find groups or events involving my interests around here.
Your location sounds a little like Kansas to me. You sound more west coast...or west of Kansas anyway. I have lived here my whole life and I'm making plans to move soon. I stayed for family. Now I'm leaving for me. Is there any chance that you could relocate yourself to some place more suited to your tastes and likes? Around here the larger cities are fairly progressive and up to speed with everyone else. But if you're rural, and it sounds like you are, boy do I feel for you.
Don't make the mistake of living the best, most exciting and productive years of your life in an environment that limits you, or doesn't inspire you.
AHA. Now it falls into place. As someone who's felt "out of sync" with most of my midwest peers growing up, it's sometimes hard to find your place when your interests and lifestyle is different. I know you said moving isn't an option right now (which was my suggestion- and still is), so perhaps you need to focus on cultivating some of your interests where you are in some way. Maybe you can start a meetup and find some people around the area who have similar interests in one way or another. Or maybe you can move to a bigger town nearby and keep your job (with a commute).
But I do think that considering your moving options and seeking out job opportunities and feeling out the market in other locations is a good idea. I had a friend who lived in rural Iowa, and she actually found the people she wanted in Omaha. Still a cheaper cost of living (compared to many places) and not that far from her friends and family, but she felt she "fit in" better there. So think about smaller jumps that might offer you some of the same benefits but give you more options for cultivating relationships with others.
What do I like? What are my interests? Well I'm a vegan (which often makes people think I'm weird) and I love all manners of food, cooking, and baking. I love video games and anime. I love gardening. I like less popular sports like bowling and racquetball. I enjoy nature and taking walks. I like reading non-fiction books. I like making up stupid silly songs with my wife and son. I like a lot of simple pleasures like drinking a cup of tea or just sitting on a comfy couch.
Honestly, that's an interesting combination for a man. Video games and anime especially, is normally associated with teens. Throw in the gardening and cooking, well, it's odd. That said, I know many men that have a lot of interest in cooking - lots of them. I would think you could certainly find some others that would share that.
Aren't there parts of the Midwest that are more progressive?
Yes, but not near me! The closest progressive city to me is an hour and a half away (at best). Lots to do there, but not sure I would be willing to drive an hour and a half or 2 hours plus to do stuff!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SportyandMisty
There is a distinction between having access to plentiful jobs, and pursuing a career that will put you on track to live the life you & your wife want to live. It doesn't sound like you have a plan to achieve that life.
Easier said than done. My wife and I both have a fairly good idea where we want to live (Pacific Northwest) and I have a fairly good idea what I want to do with my career. Unfortunately, we just don' have the right resources to pursue those avenues RIGHT NOW, but they are on our wish list so they play a part in every decision. Plus, I've relocated enough times now that I know relocating is no easy feat and usually costs a good chunk of change. It's not something we can just do willy nilly. We risked it all when we were younger with planned relocations and had some successes but also some big fails. We learned from that and we know the appropriate measures to take now to minimize the risk of a relocation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePerfectHologram
Your location sounds a little like Kansas to me. You sound more west coast...or west of Kansas anyway. I have lived here my whole life and I'm making plans to move soon. I stayed for family. Now I'm leaving for me. Is there any chance that you could relocate yourself to some place more suited to your tastes and likes? Around here the larger cities are fairly progressive and up to speed with everyone else. But if you're rural, and it sounds like you are, boy do I feel for you.
Don't make the mistake of living the best, most exciting and productive years of your life in an environment that limits you, or doesn't inspire you.
I've thought about it, just trying to relocate now, but I'm dreadfully afraid of not being able to get a good enough job with my current qualifications, or struggling to find work if I got laid off in my new location. It's nice being able to feel confident I wouldn't have trouble finding work in my current area. Like I said, a lot of people are leaving my state so it's leaving companies scrambling to fill roles of all levels. Compare that to somewhere like Seattle, Austin, Boston, San Francisco, LA, etc, a lot more overall jobs, but a LOT LOT LOT more competition that it certainly won't feel like there are more jobs!
Plus, like I said, we're interested in Washington State and the cost of living is so high. I worry about the adaption we would have to make from very low cost of living to very high cost of living. I know salaries are a bit higher, but it nowhere can every make up for how much the cost of living increases.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraceKrispy
AHA. Now it falls into place. As someone who's felt "out of sync" with most of my midwest peers growing up, it's sometimes hard to find your place when your interests and lifestyle is different. I know you said moving isn't an option right now (which was my suggestion- and still is), so perhaps you need to focus on cultivating some of your interests where you are in some way. Maybe you can start a meetup and find some people around the area who have similar interests in one way or another. Or maybe you can move to a bigger town nearby and keep your job (with a commute).
But I do think that considering your moving options and seeking out job opportunities and feeling out the market in other locations is a good idea. I had a friend who lived in rural Iowa, and she actually found the people she wanted in Omaha. Still a cheaper cost of living (compared to many places) and not that far from her friends and family, but she felt she "fit in" better there. So think about smaller jumps that might offer you some of the same benefits but give you more options for cultivating relationships with others.
Might try starting a meetup, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to host something and take on that responsibility. I have a lot going on in my life right now so my free time is very minimal. It would be nice if I could just find a group to join where there wasn't the pressures of actually running the group!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Honestly, that's an interesting combination for a man. Video games and anime especially, is normally associated with teens. Throw in the gardening and cooking, well, it's odd. That said, I know many men that have a lot of interest in cooking - lots of them. I would think you could certainly find some others that would share that.
I've always had "strange" tastes for a man. Like I said, most other men are football, trucks, and beer and I'm nothing like that. Many of my interests are things like you said typically associated with much older or younger individuals, and a lot of my interests are also stereotypically female oriented. What can I say, I like what I like!
Well I'm a vegan (which often makes people think I'm weird) and I love all manners of food, cooking, and baking. I love video games and anime. I love gardening. I like less popular sports like bowling and racquetball. I enjoy nature and taking walks. I like reading non-fiction books. I like making up stupid silly songs with my wife and son. I like a lot of simple pleasures like drinking a cup of tea or just sitting on a comfy couch. Needless to say, the things I'm interested in no one really cares about, at least not the vast majority of people. I think over the past 10 years, I've only been lucky enough to find 3-4 individuals who I could actually talk to about stuff we're collectively interested in, and unfortunately all of them have moved out of my life due to various work relocations and what not.
Dude you have the same basic need as everyone else because we all have the same core needs.
I think I could talk to you until you brought up the vegan part. If I knew you for a while and it came up I probably would not care but if it comes up in one of the first conversations I really do not have an interest in being preached to.
.... had "strange" tastes for a man. Like I said, most other men are football, trucks, and beer and I'm nothing like that. Many of my interests are things like you said typically associated with much older or younger individuals, and a lot of my interests are also stereotypically female oriented. What can I say, I like what I like!
My DH is the same as you: no interest in professional sports, but liked coaching soccer for son's elementary team, and the he feels antipathy towards other popular contemporary interests. He's run into this with people in the Midwest and Northeast and Southeast. It's pretty universal unless you are closer to an urban area.
DH has learned to appreciate the differences; he likes people and is interested in them, not necessarily what interests them. His work is full of travel and meetings with different people but the majority have the usual socially acceptable interests, or at least that's the front they put on. They represent safe subjects and a way to get along for people. Sometimes making an effort to get beyond the facade may yield some surprises for you. It may not, but it's worth the effort and you may not feel so alienated from everyone if you view them as a person with something to offer and not a stereotype to avoid.
I would tend to agree that there would be better places to live. I'm thinking southern California may be one of them.
Let's face it. Your interests are not inline with most people, so you are going to struggle to find people with similar issues. While you are located in the rural Midwest, you have a couple of choices. You can either be a martyr, be miserable and complain OR you can find a way to fit in. That doesn't mean you have to forget your hobbies and preferences, but it sounds like you don't give people a chance.
It has to be frustrating to have hobbies and find no one will take the time to listen to understand more about them. Do you think they get frustrated, as well, when you reject their hobbies? There has to be some common ground, somewhere, right? Unfortunately, it is going to be up to you to find it.
There are people I have come to know who are way different than most and very similar to what you describe. They lament the fact that no one wants to get to know them, but when asked if they have tried to understand their perspective, they are immediately dismissive. It's almost as though they enjoy playing the martyr. I hope that is not true in your case.
I am on the east coast, the epicenter of diversity and inclusion, and I don't have anybody to socialize with. In fact, between work, family and time spent online, there is little time left to do anything else. My days would be no different if I lived in the Midwest; which I did for a decade. Most of my other hobbies are solo; running and biking. Do have a few running buddies but they are not central to my life.
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