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There is nothing odd about you or your interests. It's refreshing to see someone living life for themselves instead of jumping in the box with everyone else. Embrace your individuality and explore it. People are drawn to confidence.
I think it's sad when people only want to gravitate toward "like minded friends." I am completely different and opposite from a lot of my best friends. One is a religious fanatic who gives up most of his free time to the church. I'm an atheist. He's a fanatical pro life and I'm pro choice. He is anti gay marriage even though his brother was a gay priest who died of AIDS. I'm pro gay marriage. According to you there would be no reason for us to be friends because we have nothing in common. In fact, we are so opposite that we should be enemies (?) No! We bring some connection to the friendship that we can both relate to. What is it? Mutual respect and love.
People connect for many different reasons, not necessarily because they think alike. We connect because we find something valuable in their personality. My friend is the kindest, most generous person you would ever want to meet. His wife is like minded and one of my best friends, also because she's the kindest most generous person. There's a lot of love there and we can argue about politics and religion and respect each others views at the same time.
Maybe you need to think in a different direction of being friends with some one who is not like you. They might actually broaden your horizons and introduce you to something else you might like to do. I have these crazy girls in my life that taught me how to roller skate in my 50's. We go every Friday and have made skating buddies now who are becoming friends. It's the same with ice skating. We met some Indian friends from the Indian restaurant we go to after skating on Fridays and introduced them to ice skating. They came to our Halloween party and we're going to their house for dinner next Monday. They already bought some ice skates
People are diverse and worth knowing if they're nice people. As long as the mutual respect is there the rest will work itself out. Heck I just discovered bowling because of a new friends birthday party. It was a disaster but so much fun!
I'm in my late twenties and in the rural midwest. Trying to find people who are close to my age and have similar interests is near impossible. Usually when I do find someone there is a 10-15 year difference minimum which creates some barriers.
This area is terrible for my interests. Very meat and cheese heavy. No vegan, heck even vegetarian restaurants or grocery stores closer than the hour and a half drive to the big city closest to us. People around here aren't really into technology or video games at all. I actually tried a gardening club, it was filled with 65yo+ women, I felt terribly out of place. The bowling center in town is also heavily dominated by retirees and older individuals. No racquetball court anywhere within 45 minutes driving distance... It's been a struggle to find groups or events involving my interests around here.
Oh the horror! You mean they're close to or around 40?
You're your own worst enemy. You're not bonding with people in your age group because they discuss things like pop culture which you don't like. You find people who have a decade on you who you have similar interests but because of an age difference(which isn't much), you dismiss them.
I get not wanting to hang out with people in their 60s, I don't get the issue with someone who is say 28 being friends with someone who is 38.
Especially when you live in such a remote rural area.
I'm in my late twenties and in the rural midwest. Trying to find people who are close to my age and have similar interests is near impossible. Usually when I do find someone there is a 10-15 year difference minimum which creates some barriers.
This area is terrible for my interests. Very meat and cheese heavy. No vegan, heck even vegetarian restaurants or grocery stores closer than the hour and a half drive to the big city closest to us. People around here aren't really into technology or video games at all. I actually tried a gardening club, it was filled with 65yo+ women, I felt terribly out of place. The bowling center in town is also heavily dominated by retirees and older individuals. No racquetball court anywhere within 45 minutes driving distance... It's been a struggle to find groups or events involving my interests around here.
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Originally Posted by the_grimace
Yes, but not near me! The closest progressive city to me is an hour and a half away (at best). Lots to do there, but not sure I would be willing to drive an hour and a half or 2 hours plus to do stuff!
Easier said than done. My wife and I both have a fairly good idea where we want to live (Pacific Northwest) and I have a fairly good idea what I want to do with my career. Unfortunately, we just don' have the right resources to pursue those avenues RIGHT NOW, but they are on our wish list so they play a part in every decision. Plus, I've relocated enough times now that I know relocating is no easy feat and usually costs a good chunk of change. It's not something we can just do willy nilly. We risked it all when we were younger with planned relocations and had some successes but also some big fails. We learned from that and we know the appropriate measures to take now to minimize the risk of a relocation.
I've thought about it, just trying to relocate now, but I'm dreadfully afraid of not being able to get a good enough job with my current qualifications, or struggling to find work if I got laid off in my new location. It's nice being able to feel confident I wouldn't have trouble finding work in my current area. Like I said, a lot of people are leaving my state so it's leaving companies scrambling to fill roles of all levels. Compare that to somewhere like Seattle, Austin, Boston, San Francisco, LA, etc, a lot more overall jobs, but a LOT LOT LOT more competition that it certainly won't feel like there are more jobs!
Plus, like I said, we're interested in Washington State and the cost of living is so high. I worry about the adaption we would have to make from very low cost of living to very high cost of living. I know salaries are a bit higher, but it nowhere can every make up for how much the cost of living increases.
Might try starting a meetup, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to host something and take on that responsibility. I have a lot going on in my life right now so my free time is very minimal. It would be nice if I could just find a group to join where there wasn't the pressures of actually running the group!
I've always had "strange" tastes for a man. Like I said, most other men are football, trucks, and beer and I'm nothing like that. Many of my interests are things like you said typically associated with much older or younger individuals, and a lot of my interests are also stereotypically female oriented. What can I say, I like what I like!
No offense, but after reading this you need to stay where you are.
You already have yourself laid off in the PNW before you even move and have a job lined up.
By the time you actually make the move, if you ever make the move you will be 40 years old.
Dude you have the same basic need as everyone else because we all have the same core needs.
I think I could talk to you until you brought up the vegan part. If I knew you for a while and it came up I probably would not care but if it comes up in one of the first conversations I really do not have an interest in being preached to.
Why do you think I would preach about it? I'm humble about my diet and I really don't condemn anyone for eating animal products. Let people eat what they want to eat, it doesn't affect me!
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Originally Posted by hertfordshire
This contradictory statement makes me chuckle.
OP, semi-serious question here ... can you explain why vegans always seem to feel the need to lead with that info?
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It's a big part of who you are. It's sort of your life style. It's similar to saying you're a fitness enthusiast, or a huge sports fan, or a mother or father. But usually we say it for practical reasons. We can't eat what the majority of people in the world eat, so it helps avoid awkward situations with people offering food or going to eat out. There is also a certain level of happiness and pride that being vegan brings us, so we just feel good about it and feel happy to share it.
Also, the fact you're vegan or vegetarian ALWAYS eventually comes out. A lot of people don't treat us very well at all, or to some degree treat us as strange or weird. I've been downright bullied for being vegan at some of my past jobs, and I'm not even joking. Sometimes it's better to just be confident in who you are and not try to hide it.
As for the loving all types of food comment, I guess that is a kind of ironic statement! That being said, I do love all the food I can eat and there is tons of it out there. My wife and I cook big from scratch meals several times a week and we make a lot of our own staples and ingredients as well. We love the art of cooking and we find it amazing how much can be done even with a vegan diet!
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Originally Posted by seain dublin
Oh the horror! You mean they're close to or around 40?
You're your own worst enemy. You're not bonding with people in your age group because they discuss things like pop culture which you don't like. You find people who have a decade on you who you have similar interests but because of an age difference(which isn't much), you dismiss them.
I get not wanting to hang out with people in their 60s, I don't get the issue with someone who is say 28 being friends with someone who is 38.
Especially when you live in such a remote rural area.
Not a huge issue, but it does create generational barriers from time to time. I've been good friends with many older individuals. 10 years ago I used to play raquetball with a group of 40 year old men, it was a blast. My last very good friend was also in his forties, more than almost 20 years older than me at the time. Even in my gardening group I learned a great deal from some of the elderly ladies in the group. Their experiences and wisdom were wonderful to listen to. I also had a 60 year old male friend from a bowling league I did about 6 years ago.
So I'm not against this, but I just wanted to mention it does create barriers sometimes. For example, a single 20 year old will have a hard time relating to a 40 year old who has kids and a family. A 40 year old may have a yard time relating to a 70 year old who is retired and has infinite free time. A 70 year old may have trouble relating to a 20 year old because generational interests are so different. I need to stress again, it's not a deal breaker, but it just throws a few more obstacles in the way.
It's a big part of who you are. It's sort of your life style. It's similar to saying you're a fitness enthusiast, or a huge sports fan, or a mother or father. But usually we say it for practical reasons. We can't eat what the majority of people in the world eat, so it helps avoid awkward situations with people offering food or going to eat out. There is also a certain level of happiness and pride that being vegan brings us, so we just feel good about it and feel happy to share it.
Also, the fact you're vegan or vegetarian ALWAYS eventually comes out. A lot of people don't treat us very well at all, or to some degree treat us as strange or weird. I've been downright bullied for being vegan at some of my past jobs, and I'm not even joking. Sometimes it's better to just be confident in who you are and not try to hide it.
Okay, just a tip ... non-vegans don't care, and are usually doing an internal eye-roll when it's the first thing a person says about themselves. I can't eat what a majority of the people in the world eat, but I don't introduce myself by saying that I'm gluten free. And if it's going to eventually come out, let it happen EVENTUALLY.
If there's a community center and since you're into cooking, teach some courses on vegan meal preparation and planning. Vegan diets are very helpful for people with certain health issues. Maybe you won't make friends, but you'll be doing something good.
Or start hosting a vegan meal for friends you do have and ask them to bring THEIR friends.
Make that 90-minute drive to the city on a regular basis - like once a month, and start to build a community there. Frankly, I used to drive an hour just to get to my favorite bar and see my friends. Yeah, it eats gas money, but maybe it's worth it if it helps your sanity.
If you tend to have fringe interests, then you need to prepare yourself to not find many like-minded people, especially as an adult. If you can come to terms with this, and be at peace with it, that will help a lot. Acceptance.
If you want to find some people who share some of your interests, you will have to either go to places/events that reflect your interests, or create them yourself and invite others to join in. Internet forums for special interests are great - and sometimes can lead to in-person meetings.
Another angle to explore is to look at how much your mind focuses on differences between yourself and others as opposed to commonalities. This is a common habit, but its more pronounced for some people than others. If it is an unconscious habit, it can cause all sorts of negative feelings. Once you bring it into your awareness, you then have an ability to decide how and when you will do it, and when you want to take a break from it. It can be pretty interesting.
I can relate with you OP! I pull out the various green, black, jasmine, white, and oolong teas and typically scare people away! I eat brussel sprouts...AS MY PRIMARY LUNCH (not vegan but I might as well be one - vegetables and fruit make up 90% of my diet)! Older than you, so I struggle to relate to folks in their 20s because I feel they are judging me for my wrinkles. Its a lesson to be taught (on my side as well), maybe you need to really try to break the age barriers, especially if the same interests are there????
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