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I sympathize and am in the same boat. You could always move to Denver. It's a very "young" city with lots of healthy living and outdoor adventure sport types.
For current events, avoid topics like Politics if that'll cause some friction.
Local stuff like Weather, traffic, cost of living, and how schools are, that always works, but I personally try to avoid using them as mainstream topics, as they can get "shallow".
Last edited by ackmondual; 11-04-2016 at 03:23 PM..
For the past 10 years, I've found it extremely difficult to fit in with people, whether it be co-workers, clients, general public, club members, or any other acquaintance. In these 10 years of observation, I've found people are generally and collectively obsessed with the following things:
- Cable TV shows
- Hollywood
- Sports
- Pop Culture
- Top 40s radio music and artists
- Politics (that they really know nothing about)
- Drinking/Partying/Bars
I feel like people in my age group (30s) are primarily interested in their families and children. Which is fine, but I don't have kids and don't really get excited about other people's kids, so I can't relate. I find it easiest to find people with my interests on the Internet and that's always been the case. And I don't try to fit in.
For the past 10 years, I've found it extremely difficult to fit in with people, whether it be co-workers, clients, general public, club members, or any other acquaintance. In these 10 years of observation, I've found people are generally and collectively obsessed with the following things:
- Cable TV shows
- Hollywood
- Sports
- Pop Culture
- Top 40s radio music and artists
- Politics (that they really know nothing about)
- Drinking/Partying/Bars
I could care less about any of that, but these are the topics that always dominate the conversation. Some people have said, just try to broaden your interests and entertain other people's interest, but it gets frustrating when you entertain someone else's interests but they don't entertain yours! There are also some things on that list I really dislike talking about such as sports, hollywood, and bar culture.
What do I like? What are my interests? Well I'm a vegan (which often makes people think I'm weird) and I love all manners of food, cooking, and baking. I love video games and anime. I love gardening. I like less popular sports like bowling and racquetball. I enjoy nature and taking walks. I like reading non-fiction books. I like making up stupid silly songs with my wife and son. I like a lot of simple pleasures like drinking a cup of tea or just sitting on a comfy couch. Needless to say, the things I'm interested in no one really cares about, at least not the vast majority of people. I think over the past 10 years, I've only been lucky enough to find 3-4 individuals who I could actually talk to about stuff we're collectively interested in, and unfortunately all of them have moved out of my life due to various work relocations and what not.
So what is a guy to do? I get so frustrated at work or at other gatherings because I feel so excluded and left out. Try to talk about my interests and no one cares. Every once in a blue moon I stumble across someone who is on a similar page with me, but it doesn't happen nearly enough. Thank god for my wonderful wife who happens to interested in many of the same things as me, but it would be nice to have some other friends and at the very least feel a bit better about my interactions with other people.
I don't think the problem is specific to just the things you happen to be interested in. It's really difficult to find like-minded people in general. I genuinely don't know how people do it. I suspect that most people are so uncomfortable being alone that they are willing to bend their personalities, likes and dislikes, and activities to go along with whatever people around them are doing. If you don't happen to be a big group joiner, you're just going to be on your own a lot of the time.
For instance, I love outdoorsy stuff and I live in Alaska so you'd think it would be easy to meet people to do stuff with. But it isn't. I like to ride bikes, but it seems that most other bike riders are more interested in doing races and group events than they are just going out to ride. Few people want to go hiking in the mountains for exercise; they'd rather pay $100 to enter a 5K race downtown or what have you. So, I just deal with doing stuff on my own.
Easier said than done. My wife and I both have a fairly good idea where we want to live (Pacific Northwest) and I have a fairly good idea what I want to do with my career. Unfortunately, we just don' have the right resources to pursue those avenues RIGHT NOW, but they are on our wish list so they play a part in every decision. Plus, I've relocated enough times now that I know relocating is no easy feat and usually costs a good chunk of change. It's not something we can just do willy nilly. We risked it all when we were younger with planned relocations and had some successes but also some big fails. We learned from that and we know the appropriate measures to take now to minimize the risk of a relocation.
OK -- sounds like you have an objective, and you know enough not to undertake the move without a very good plan. I wish you the best of luck. I suspect you are already doing this, but if it were me, I would do everything I can to sock away enough money to execute the move once you have all the details worked out. I would probably try to work 2 jobs if that is feasible, etc etc.
OP, I was a vegetarian for over 10 years. Not a vegan, but still--vegetarianism wasn't mainstream, and didn't fit in with certain crowds. However, I never thought it was a big part of who I was, and it was not a lifestyle. It's a diet. Pride wasn't involved; I was low key about it, and didn't get ego-involved about it. I didn't view it as part of my identity. I saw no need to share with others the fact that I had a special diet. I don't know why you or anyone else would. Maybe this is one reason why you have trouble making friends. Everything else you describe about yourself seems quire compatible with many people I know. But you seem a bit carried away with your status as a vegan.
I agree I could probably dial this back. I don't throw it in people's faces, but I'll admit the fact I'm vegan does often come up quick when I meet someone. Part of that reason is that a large reason I became a vegan was I developed IBS and several food intolerances (dairy and eggs were two big ones) several years ago and my wife was already vegetarian so I just decided to make the switch. I think part of the reason I've been so happy to share it is that going vegan for me was VERY positive and not only did it help my stomach issues greatly, it brought other unexpected benefits to my life.
That being said, due to the intolerances, I have to be very careful about what I eat as even small amounts of egg or dairy products will throw my stomach into a frenzy. I guess that's a bigger part of why I mention it more.
I know someone who is a vegan. We're cordial but I doubt if we'll ever be friends because I have to watch what I say around her for fear of seeming insensitive.
I would want to share with a friend my latest restaurant find or share something fabulous I found at the farmer's market, like really good crab cakes.
A number of people who were once DH's friends have fallen away, largely because he does not drink at all. As they've gotten older they're more into party boating.
Other than online, I don't know anyone who shares my interests. That's just the way it is.
I agree I could probably dial this back. I don't throw it in people's faces, but I'll admit the fact I'm vegan does often come up quick when I meet someone. Part of that reason is that a large reason I became a vegan was I developed IBS and several food intolerances (dairy and eggs were two big ones) several years ago and my wife was already vegetarian so I just decided to make the switch. I think part of the reason I've been so happy to share it is that going vegan for me was VERY positive and not only did it help my stomach issues greatly, it brought other unexpected benefits to my life.
That being said, due to the intolerances, I have to be very careful about what I eat as even small amounts of egg or dairy products will throw my stomach into a frenzy. I guess that's a bigger part of why I mention it more.
The funny thing is that since you said you were vegan, people on the thread automatically took that to mean you wanted/needed to live in a "liberal" or "progressive" place. In fact, most of the interests and hobbies you mentioned were not specific to liberal locales at all.
Particularly interesting that vegetarianism (I know, it's different from vegan) is a central component of Seventh Day Adventists and some other Christian denominations.
Finally, your other thread noted you live outside of Chicago. You have people thinking you live in nowheresville! LOL
For the past 10 years, I've found it extremely difficult to fit in with people, whether it be co-workers, clients, general public, club members, or any other acquaintance. In these 10 years of observation, I've found people are generally and collectively obsessed with the following things:
- Cable TV shows
- Hollywood
- Sports
- Pop Culture
- Top 40s radio music and artists
- Politics (that they really know nothing about)
- Drinking/Partying/Bars
I could care less about any of that, but these are the topics that always dominate the conversation. Some people have said, just try to broaden your interests and entertain other people's interest, but it gets frustrating when you entertain someone else's interests but they don't entertain yours! There are also some things on that list I really dislike talking about such as sports, hollywood, and bar culture.
What do I like? What are my interests? Well I'm a vegan (which often makes people think I'm weird) and I love all manners of food, cooking, and baking. I love video games and anime. I love gardening. I like less popular sports like bowling and racquetball. I enjoy nature and taking walks. I like reading non-fiction books. I like making up stupid silly songs with my wife and son. I like a lot of simple pleasures like drinking a cup of tea or just sitting on a comfy couch. Needless to say, the things I'm interested in no one really cares about, at least not the vast majority of people. I think over the past 10 years, I've only been lucky enough to find 3-4 individuals who I could actually talk to about stuff we're collectively interested in, and unfortunately all of them have moved out of my life due to various work relocations and what not.
So what is a guy to do? I get so frustrated at work or at other gatherings because I feel so excluded and left out. Try to talk about my interests and no one cares. Every once in a blue moon I stumble across someone who is on a similar page with me, but it doesn't happen nearly enough. Thank god for my wonderful wife who happens to interested in many of the same things as me, but it would be nice to have some other friends and at the very least feel a bit better about my interactions with other people.
Of all these, bowling is the easiest to use to make friends with similar interests. Every bowling alley in America has leagues, men's womens and mixed. You don't have to know anyone. I joined a bowling league and stayed for several years. I didn't know a soul, but they called everyone whose name was on the sign up list, had a pre-league meeting at the alley, where they assigned everyone to a team. Bowling is probably THE easiest sport to meet other people doing because of the leagues. You don't have to be good either, they give the low scorers handicap points so no one on your team will get upset if you don't bowl well if that's a concern.
I live in a very low pop area off-season, but even here there are probably 2 dozen Meetup groups within 40 miles that focus on nature walks, kayaking, star-watching or even just daily neighborhood walks in the evening. There are also many book clubs on Meetup and I am sure groups with interest in gardening and cooking.
You're a nerd, that doesn't make you as unique as you seem to think, there are tons of nerds out and about these days, you just have to look a little but it shouldn't actually be that hard to do.
I understand where the OP is coming from. I prefer to talk about topics most people are not interested in, like history or academics. Most people are not interested in discussing things like that.
My only suggestion is maybe you can locate a group that engages in a hobby that you really enjoy talking about or doing. Perhaps you can meet more like-minded people that way. It has helped me to do that now and then.
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